Relationship ??? - Short-term relationship with a vet, wondering if break-up is permanent

[Justmehere]

Be gentle in the process of looking back. It’s easy to think, “if I had only done this instead...” Learn what you need to learn but be mindful of over-analyzing.

Did I screw up by texting him and telling him that I researched and understood it better??? opinions anyone ?

One well intentioned text doesn’t make or break the relationship. None of us are in his head, but by no means should you beat yourself up over texting this. It’s really ok and you understand well to give him space now. As far as how sufferers take a text like this? It will range the full spectrum.

The bigger issue is that he simply isn’t in the place to do a relationship, no matter what you text. That is a hard reality to face, no doubt.

 

[Freida]

I think he may appreciate that you learned about it...but that might also raise his expectations that you know leaving him is the right action to take right now

 

[Butterfly64]

So I met this incredible guy at a BBQ, he was instantly drawn to me as I to him. We had a lot in common. He told me he had PTSD. He’s a vet. I didn’t care about that though. he had a few drinks that night. He asked me to hang out with him. We didn’t have sex, talked all night. He let me know repeatedly that he liked me and was attracted to me .

The next morning we exchanged #, within a few days I text him and asked him out. He was a totally different person. I enjoyed being with him. He asked me to stay the night. I was going to see him several nights a week after that for a little over a month. we had a lot of fun. We were very close but it was going fast. He had a legal mishap. It got worse, we had a disagreement at the same time. He talked to me about a lot that bothered him about me& that he had ended it with other women for far less. I thought we talked it out, he told me he needed Some time and space.

I gave it about a week and texted him... he said his stress levels were high and it took time to wind down, & that he didn’t think he should be in a relationship. Before all of this, when we were together, it was great! He had told me he wasn’t like other men. He didn’t use women. So I was really confused.

In a week I was going to his town and asked if I could stop for a bit and get my stuff. He was almost cold. He would stand on the other side of the room from me,& he told me that I stressed him out and that he couldn’t handle a relationship and his problems. He said I just needed to be understanding and that he might call me when things got better.

I asked if I could stay and hang out, I stayed later than he wanted me to. He had something important to do the next morning & needed his sleep. I told him I was sleepy and maybe shouldn’t drive. He got very upset and was very nasty, accusing me of sabotaging things for him. So I apologized, assured him I wasn’t doing that, quietly grabbed my stuff and left.

I still have things there that are not throw aways, so I need to go back .I still think about him every day, it’s been very hard for me. I researched PTSD and wish I had sooner. I texted him a week ago and told him that and that I was sorry for the extra stresses, but was never intentionally trying to stress him. I didn’t and haven’t heard from him....

To remember how good it was, and then to think about the person that was so nasty to me when I left. I’m still hanging on to the thought of a possibility. this was a short relationship, but unlike any other I’ve been in. everything was different for me, and it makes me sick to think about being with any other man...help?

I broke it off with my sufferer in May after two years of push-pull...he suffers from CPTSD. There is nothing wrong with you or what you did. I found this Forum after I broke it off and that has helped me enormously to try and move on....which is not easy! If you want to give him a chance, then do...but it won’t be easy, I am sorry to say. Were it not for the fact that I had known my sufferer for four years prior to us getting involved, I would never had put up with, what he put me through. Because I knew him so well, before we became involved, I know he is a good person and I know how hard things had been for him for years. However, I had no idea, how bad PTSD really is...not until I found this Forum.
So, if you want to try, you are in for a bumpy ride, unfortunately, and you have to be careful not to lose your self. Sometimes I look in the mirror and ask myself; what were you thinking of...get your act together and get over him already.
I truly wish, I had some comforting words for you...that I could tell you that things will work out for the two of you, but I don’t. Best wishes to you?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Be gentle in the process of looking back. It’s easy to think, “if I had only done this instead...” Learn what you need to learn but be mindful of over-analyzing

One well intentioned text doesn’t make or break the relationship. None of us are in his head, but by no means should you beat yourself up over texting this. It’s really ok and you understand well to give him space now. As far as how sufferers take a text like this? It will range the full spectrum.

Yes! Agreed with both points! It is really pointless, but so easy to do, to look back and think "what if I did that" or "what if I didn't do that". When, in reality, it's done. You can't undo it. And beating yourself up for it helps no one.

I honestly don't know what he thinks of the text. But, it really doesn't matter cuz it's done and you can't undo it. You don't wanna give yourself ammunion to beat yourself up. You know?

 

[Butterfly64]

Ya, Well if he’s that kind of a person then yeah, I’m better off without him. I can’t and don’t change my feelings overnight and I don’t want to be with somebody that’s that wishy-washy . I am very upfront and honest so, I appreciate and expect the same in return. he knows that, and I don’t pretend to like people because... I don’t like to hurt people. I think that those people out there who stay with partners that they really don’t like or love or want to be with just for convenience of finances or children or just general convenience are some of the most miserable people... Life is too short to live that way so I’m glad he figured it out so early on. It’s no one‘s fault but my own for letting him in. I’ve need to rebuild my walls.

You are not at fault for letting him in...you fell in love! He is not a fault for trying/wanting to build something with you. At one point, I was so pissed at my ex, for telling me, he was in love with me, when we were friends (sure I was attracted to him), for telling me, he wanted a relationship with me (when he has said a year prior to that, that he would stay single forever), for kissing and cuddling and then, just a few weeks later, pulling back and panicking....I didn’t know he had PTSD, and had I known, I still wouldn’t know, that it was his PTSD flaring up.....just like your guy’s PTSD flared up. The thing is, some times it is okay to get pissed at them...get pissed at PTSD....it helps you move on ??

 

[Tjbooboo]

I just want to say thank you... to all of you. I am so glad I joined this site. You have all helped me in so many ways. I know I’m no expert but your help has made me understand so much. You helped me tremendously ! ?

 

[anon1234]

Did I screw up by texting him and telling him that I researched and understood it better??? opinions anyone ?

Every sufferer is different, but from my experience, no. I’ve sent things I’ve wondered about but it hasn’t mattered in the long term. He had more going on with the need to isolate - my text was a small blip in his day. Some of the stuff I’ve said? Glad I’ve said it. Glad he read it. When he came back I knew that he knew how I felt. Now how long did that take? Last time...3 months. Is that something you can handle? Don’t hold out hope. Also be aware that eventually you may tire of the push pull and want something more concrete. Nothing about this journey is easy. It’s a long road. Wishing you all the best!