Should i call him out on his rudeness?

[Awa]

Hi all, not quite sure how to respond on this. I'm feeling sort of pissed off and confused. My "guy friend" and I recently reconnected after a period of him avoiding me when things with us got too real. I'm normally the one who drives the conversation but he caught me off guard the other night and surprised me with a call. I was happy to hear his voice and told him so but I was also lost for words. We both have strong feelings but I didn't expect to hear from him again.

He was very talkative and told me a bunch of stuff as if we had had no time apart at all. He moved house, his mum had a minor operation and it was his birthday. He barely acknowledged his sudden, unexplained disappearance. I gave him his space and all he needed. He obviously feels better now to pick up where he left off, but is it too much to expect an apology or explanation? I've been worried sick with the not knowing and trying to manage myself on this emotional rollercoaster. Now he's all chipper like nothing happened? I've been through hell sticking by him, do you think he even realises that?

 

[Apiz]

If someone was going through hell when I was isolating and I knew that? I wouldn't get back in contact, again, full stop.

Very much the same as there was no way in hell I'd date anyone who would freak out when I was working/deployed/etc. I don't enjoy hurting people. If my normal hurts them? Nope. We're done.

 

[Zasi]

What does he need to explain? He was sick and isolating.

You want him to acknowledge he hurt you and made you feel bad because he was sick and couldn't cope?

Isolation isn't about you, its about them dealing with their illness. It's something you'll have to learn to accept and let roll of your back, or you'll have to leave the relationship.

 

[Defu]

Someone calls me on my isolation?

Boom-----out of my life.

If someone can't give me space, I'm not meant to be in their life as I don't need a high maintenance person who can't step back and let me BREATHE.

Yes, I have said goodbye to people who can't give me space.

 

[Lorec]

You may want to educate yourself on PTSD. Isolation is only one symptom of the disorder. If he does it once he will more than likely do it again.

He actually did tell you why the had to isolate... He moved, his mother had surgery and it was his birthday. Stress overload.

 

[Awa]

Typical responses that always blame the supporter.
I am a long term educated supporter who has bent over backwards more than I would in any other relationship. Its by far not the first time he's isolated from me and yet been able to maintain other relationships. Giving plenty of space is something I have adapted to over time.

This was simply about whether it was unreasonable to expect mutual respect and give and take as you would in any other relationship. I've been through stuff during his isolation that I would not burden him with. So try to always be cheerful.

Not nice to immediately assume the supporter is at fault when you have no idea of the patience, care, love, understanding and time they put in. Sorry I spoke.

 

[Ovow]

Typical responses that always blame the supporter.
I am a long term educated supporter who has bent over backwards more t...

I didn't blame the supporter. I shared my experiences. Big difference. I'm sorry you interpreted my post this way.

A lot of supporters struggle with the notion that we isolate from certain people while talking to others. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of the disorder and how it manifests.

If you can't handle the notion that we may isolate from those we are closest to, then it may be time to get out.

I'm really not trying to step on any toes here, but could you look at it from the flip side? "If he/she is isolating from me, he/she better be isolating from EVERYONE!" I think putting it in these terms sheds some light on why total isolation isn't the name of the game.

 

[Awa]

I didn't blame the supporter. I shared my experiences. Big difference. I'm sorry you interpreted my post this way.

A lo...

Thank you for your clearer explanation, I will take it on board. Just more sensitive this time around I guess. Thanks anyway.