Should I look for another therapist or just confront her about how I feel?

[Theasylumsystem]

I don't know if I need another therapist. I've been with my current therapist for over a year now, and I will admit that I have shown progress with my current therapist. I'm better than I was, for sure, but I don't know how to talk to her about certain things, and I feel like I've hit a wall. I was previously diagnosed with DID, and I was getting better with allowing my headmates to front and not masking as much, but then she told me I don't have DID. We spiraled, and then all that progress was washed away because I feel like I have to mask again, and I can't tell her how I feel sometimes. I feel sorta judged. I feel like she doesn't believe me. It makes me feel crazy. She recently told me in an appointment, "We can talk your childhood to death, but it won't change anything." I know it's true, but I'm constantly reliving stuff in flashbacks and night terrors. Talking about it helps, but it feels like I annoy her. I don't know. I can't trust my feelings.

 

[Movingforward10]

Things like this are hugely painful and confusing. I'm sorry you are going through it.

What's sopping you from sharing what you wrote with your T? Maybe raising it with her might resolve it, if she can hear you and you work it through together.
Or, if you raise it and it doesn't resolve it, you then have your answer?

My go to is always share how you are feeling with a T. Even though it sometimes feels counterintuitive or impossible.

 

[PamelaS]

I don't know if I need another therapist. I've been with my current therapist for over a year now, and I will admit that I have shown progress with my current therapist. I'm better than I was, for sure, but I don't know how to talk to her about certain things, and I feel like I've hit a wall. I was previously diagnosed with DID, and I was getting better with allowing my headmates to front and not masking as much, but then she told me I don't have DID. We spiraled, and then all that progress was washed away because I feel like I have to mask again, and I can't tell her how I feel sometimes. I feel sorta judged. I feel like she doesn't believe me. It makes me feel crazy. She recently told me in an appointment, "We can talk your childhood to death, but it won't change anything." I know it's true, but I'm constantly reliving stuff in flashbacks and night terrors. Talking about it helps, but it feels like I annoy her. I don't know. I can't trust my feelings.

Thank you for posting Theasylumsystem. I know exactly what you’re talking about. In my last session with my previous therapist that I worked with for 10 years he was arguing with me and telling me that what I was saying was not true and looking up evidence to prove that he’s right. I know what I experienced, whether anyone else even has a clue. I know. And you know too. You know yourself better than anyone else on this earth. I’m very happy that you were able to make some improvements with your current therapist. But the fact that they sabotage every thing that you had gained makes me believe that this situation is no longer good or suitable for you. I have become aware of somatic types of healing. CBT is just talk. But there is so much more to trauma. You can’t take care of it all through talking. In that way, the therapist was right. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that they have the qualifications to take you any further. Please look into other types of healing. I have been reading. The Body Keeps Score. It explains what happens in our body, both physically and mentally. There is so much more to trauma than many people know. I hope and pray that you find a very good therapist that you can trust to restore what you gained and lost again, and take you further in your healing. Kindness and gentleness is good for the soul. Be very good to yourself. You deserve it.

 

[Charbella]

I’d say talk to your T. I mean you have nothing to lose considering you’re asking if you should just get a new one. If they respond to what you’re saying then it’s easy to stick with them knowing they’re the right choice. If they defend their position and you disagree then it’s easy to find someone new knowing you’re making the right choice.

 

[Freddyt]

I learned during my first appointment with a psychiatrist that He finds the conditions that likely accompany a condition, the T finds the events and creates the diagnoses.

So if you believe you have X and your T says no, a visit with a psychiatrist should get things pointed in the right direction again.....

 

[Movingforward10]

How did it go @Theasylumsystem

 

[megalocardia]

"We can talk your childhood to death, but it won't change anything."

I cannot believe a therapist would say this. Perhaps not everyone feels this way but: it can change how you feel about it, how your body responds to things that remind you about it, etc. I feel like, personally, that's the whole point. To change the negative feelings/emotions/behaviors that stem from those into something more manageable, something easier to live with. Besides the point and apologies for my little rant.

I always think confronting the therapist is good, unless someone feels there's been a large breach in trust etc. That is up to you to decide. I have had therapists in the past that confronting caused more conflict, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a good idea: it showed me that addressing issues *I* feel is relevant in *my* therapy sessions caused conflict with the therapist I was seeing, and instead of working towards an understanding I learned that the therapist was not for me.
I also have a current therapist I've had to confront with things, and it has done much good. I've been able to build more trust with her because of the way she handled my pointing out something I didn't like / that felt off / whatever. And there's even been times where she's come back and said "I thought about xyz and think differently now" and we're able to talk about it again and come to see the situation through the same lens.

Your therapist has got to work with you, if you know something to be true to you, then I think you deserve to be heard out. Masking in therapy will not be helpful, and if your therapist cares about your treatment (even if they get flustered by being called out) I would like to think they would *want* you to let them know when they have caused distress.

I hope this wasn't a rambly mess, and that there was something in it that may feel helpful for you. I also just want to wish you well. Therapy is such a fragile place where we take our pain, and I really hope there is resolution for you soon. <3

 

[whiteraven]

I was previously diagnosed with DID, and I was getting better with allowing my headmates to front and not masking as much, but then she told me I don't have DID.

Hm...so, does she have an alternate explanation for what you're feeling and experiencing? I had a psychiatrist tell me this, but he had never seen me switch, and he was trained in a program that knowingly dismisses DID as a valid diagnosis.

If you haven't, I would ask her why she believes you don't have DID. That will give you a better understanding of where she's coming from.

She recently told me in an appointment, "We can talk your childhood to death, but it won't change anything." I know it's true, but I'm constantly reliving stuff in flashbacks and night terrors. Talking about it helps,

Sounds like it DOES change things for you, if talking about it helps. If it were me, I'd want to know what the heck she's thinking.

 

[Theasylumsystem]

I have an appointment coming up this tuesday, so I'll probably confront her then

 

[PamelaS]

I have an appointment coming up this tuesday, so I'll probably confront her then

When we have something that’s confronting, I have learned that it’s best to sandwiches between two positives. We speak our truth, but as gently as possible, so as to consider the other person’s feelings as well. This is a professional relationship between you and your therapist. I will be hoping and praying that it goes smoothly and that it’s productive either in resolving the conflict between you or giving you clarity about moving to another therapist. Best wishes.

 

[Mach123]

I have to go in and tell my therapist about something. I have to reign myself in though. I’m not worried about telling her I’m worried about blasting her out of the room. We talk about it all the time you know during therapy which is funny so he’s a perfect example of it should I or shouldn’t I? When do you become assertive enough to say something? Well with me I’m orally fixated as well and can’t keep my mouth shut especially if it’s gonna be to my own disadvantage.

My therapist is young she’s living with her in-laws she and her husband don’t have any children they don’t own a home and because of all this she’s chaotic she wants to cancel and reschedule appointments constantly. This doesn’t work for me at all. But on the other hand there’s things I like about her.

So I have to be can be very Abusive and often I don’t even mean it you know I’m not trying to be mean or abusive. I’m just trying to correct something you know. I might even be trying to be gentle believe it or not but you know that other side of me comes out and people are like oh my goodness get me away from this guy.

So it’s part of therapy. In terms of the OP saying I don’t wanna waste time talking about your childhood. I’m sorry you had that experience.

 

[Theasylumsystem]

I haven't talked to her yet about my system stuff. It keeps getting put on the back burner because of certain things in my life. Our session today was mostly talking about boundaries, my food addiction, and motivation. My mom normally comes with me to hard appointments, and she didn't go with me this session because she's ill. I know I can bring up important things on my own, but it's always easier when I have someone who sees me every day and can comment on our switches and such.