General Should i sign the documents?

[chiara vietto]

My long time partner of 20 years is in full trauma reenactment..first tried to kick me out of my house, than he didn't talk to me for 8 months..finally talked to me again to finally "explain " that he couldn't regulate his emotions and that he was so mad with me..for always leaving him alone and going shopping..
There was not use trying to explain that he was overacting to things that I was like that ..aka like to go shopping sometimes..for all this time..and it wasn't a problem before.
Now he wants me to sign a document where I give up the ownership to my house in his favor, and he is not offering anything in return. Part of me would like to sign in the hope that he will have a good memory of me.But part of me think that what he is asking is not right..I worked all these years and I don't deserve to be put on the street just because he now sees me as evil...I always supported him the best I could spiritually and contributed finacially
I don't know what to do ..I don't want to trigger more bad feelings on him.
But my therapist is saying that I should do what is right for me..and it is also better for him, because I am forcing him to do the right thing so he can have more respect for himself and feel less shame...
Could you guys give me some feedback?..thanks, chiara

 

[Friday]

.I worked all these years and I don't deserve to be put on the street just because he now sees me as evil...

This.

You can’t predict what he’ll think or feel ...just look at how he thinks/feels about your going shopping!?! For all you know, signing over the house he may take as an admission of guilt, or something you did to ruin his life (every repair, every tax paid, every mess he has to clean up).

Insisting on what’s fair is the only glimmer of sanity he may see. He may hate that, may love that, may be ashamed by it, may be proud of it... no way to know.

What you will know, is that you aren’t attempting to screw him over, you aren’t screwing yourself over, you’re just doing the honorable thing.

 

[gealach]

you aren't responsible for his feelings, he is. If he is this symptomatic, he should chose to get therapy, so that he can work through his cognitive distortions. You signing a magical piece of paper and gifting him a house, aren't going to suddenly make his cognitive distortions and other symptoms disappear. If he needs solitude, isolation, or just not to be around you, he can chose to go elsewhere while he figures out what to do next.

If you are the sole owner of the house, sign nothing. If you jointly own the house and he wants to buy out your half, legal documents and legal counsel/lawyers should be involved.

 

[EveHarrington]

You’d honestly just give up the ownership of your house because someone wants you to?

Are you independently wealthy and signing it over won’t affect you at all?

Please consult with a financial planner. It’s concerning that this is even a consideration. I suggest that you keep a financial planner for life as I’m not sure you can make sound financial decisions on your own.

 

[chiara vietto]

You’d honestly just give up the ownership of your house because someone wants you to?

Are you...

We own the house together, you are right about needing a financial planner for life ..I made very poor decisions in my life. I am not independently wealthy, but I am grateful that I am mentally healthy so far. But I haven't really protected my financial interests, I always relied on the fact that can work more if I need to, but it is not fair to me..
I always trusted him as he used to be a very helpful and caring person, before he flipped his personality. I was going through some hard times last year after my father passed away..and I am wondering If my weakness remained him of his weakness during his childhood and triggered him to relieve his trauma and shifted his role from the rescuer to the perpetrator..I played his conversation with my therapist and he told me that he is not rational...thanks for your reply..

 

[Justmehere]

No. Don’t sign the documents.

You can’t control how he feels. A house won’t cure how he feels either. It’s not about the house anyhow, but his own unresolved stuff.

Don’t enable him to be a jerk to you. Don’t do the trauma re-enactment dance with him.

Your therapist is spot on. Sufferers don’t need supporters to give up heaven and earth, or houses, try to make us well. Such attempts usually make things worse.

Claim your right to be treated with respect.

 

[chiara vietto]

This.

You can’t predict what he’ll think or feel ...just look at how he thinks/feels about your go...

Thanks,
I don't know why I doubt my judgement so much, It is like I lost common sense I feel guilty about his situation despite I was not my fault. He was seeing a therapist when we met , but he stopped after he changed health insurance.
Thanks,

you aren't responsible for his feelings, he is. If he is this symptomatic, he should chose to...

You are spot on. He wants solitude and isolation..keep relationship and friendship at a superficial level. Last year he started isolating himself..didn't want to see many friends, but would go to structured activities like dog classes or work related meetings..
He rearranged things in the house in a way that everything is predictable and easy to find..simplified everything..
I shouldn't enable his behavior towards me ..he put me through hell last winter ..thanks again for your input

No. Don’t sign the documents.

You can’t control how he feels. A house won’t cure how he feels...

Thanks seeing your prospective is priceless..I told him that i forgive him for the angry outbursts, I told him that I hanged around last winter because I was worrying about him..and I gave him space..
But now I need some respect and peace..
Thanks

 

[LuckiLee]

Hell. No.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If I were you, he'd have to buy me out. There's no way I'd sign anything. His PTSD does not mean he gets to financially devastate you.

 

[Fadeaway]

Wtf! I am more worried about what he has done to you mentally that you would even consider it. I am glad you are here and in therapy.

 

[chiara vietto]

Wtf! I am more worried about what he has done to you mentally that you would even consider it. I am gl...

He has been projecting..telling me that I was selfish, crazy, depressed, and self centered

.initially I didn't know what was going on. I didn't understand
Why all the sudden he was behaving like his father minus the physical abuse, he never touched me ( he hates his father) .one day my partner locked me out of the house and on the same day his father locked his wife out of the house..??
He made fell guilty that somehow it was my fault...but after talking with the therapist I understood that it couldn't possibly be my fault.
Recently, I discovered that he had problems in high school due to his home situation..he was acting out shutting down ..so I knew that the recent behavior it wasn't my fault
H e was my rock so struggled coming to terms with his personality shift..
I feel bad for him because his family is terrible. Before this his sister was accusing him of being selfish and insensitive because she believes that my partner should forgive his father and mother for the abuse he had to endure growing up..because they are old..
The problem is, they never asked for forgiveness ..
I told the sister never to talk to him this way but I guess it was too late..
All his life he tried to get the approval from his father and suppress everything that happened to him growing up but his father would never change and kept reopening his old wounds..

 

[Fadeaway]

I am glad you understand it wasnt your fault.