Should the Person(s) Who Traumatized You Be Punished for What They Did?

[cragger65]

For me it has come down to this simple equation: hang onto the anger and resentment, I suffer. I don't think of it as forgiveness, though it sprung from something my therapist said on that topic.

I chose to let the anger go when it comes, not for my enemies benefit, or to release them from anything, but SOLELY for MY OWN GOOD.

Hanging onto anger is dangerous and unhealthy. You owe it to yourself to let it go, I believe this. The best revenge is, after all, living a GOOD life, one day at a time, with minimal suffering.

 

[cragger65]

Cypher, you are such a decent soul...

 

[Mercy]

Hanging onto anger is dangerous and unhealthy. You owe it to yourself to let it go, I believe this. The best revenge is, after all, living a GOOD life, one day at a time, with minimal suffering.[/QUOTE]

Dear cragger 65,
I agree with you. For me, living a good life would need to mean a life without it being still 'controlled' by my abusers. Flashbacks make this hard. Memories of the lies when I can understand them as lies is good but I still fall for the lies at times. I wonder what freedom would really feel like?

 

[TLight]

OK, so I've been reading this thread and thinking about it and it's time I add my two cents.

As far as should they be punished? Yes, definately. I think a lot of abusers are suffering in their own internal hell. Mine are dead. They didn't seem to be suffering too much that I could tell when they were alive. But I think they are suffering now.......at least I can only hope so. But yes, they should receive punishment, either by society or by God.

As far as revenge, now that's different. I've spent decades in serious anger and resentment, justified I might ad. But, alas, there is nothing I can do about it. It is physically hurting me and only me.

Can I let it go? Through forgiveness? Boy, I'm still trying. I read somewhere that forgiveness is an action, you either choose to do it or not. Well, so many years I've spent in meditation saying over and over, "I forgive' I must say in an effort to give myself some release from the anger.
Alas, I'm still angry. I'm angry that my brain is damaged and I can't handle things like other people. I'm angry that it hurt my body. I'm angry that I can't have the life I envisioned for myself. But what good is this anger? But it is so hard to just 'let it go' when it's an emotion that has to run it's course, right?

I'm tired of being angry, yes I want badly to forgive. Yes, I want to move beyond this crap more than anyone can ever know.....but it affected me. I'm trying to get beyond it..........but I also have to accept that I'll struggle with things that others don't......and it can be very agonizing.

I just wish there were more people out there who were kind and compassionate and we all treated each other with some modicum of respect in order to help make my daily life a little less threatening. I just can't take anymore abuse...........Can't our world have some manners? What ever happened to that?

Anyway, yes punishment. No revenge..........anger, we'll what can you do?

 

[Booknerd]

Earlier I posted at a time when anger and resentment was riding me hard.
I have read the later posts and I am awed. Mercy you are such a kind and forgiving person that I feel ashamed. I'm crying now. Talking to Pdoc
one session he said "Let it go...just let it go into the wind." I didn't understand or appreciate the words at that time. Because I was afraid of letting my anger go. To forgive is a beautiful thing. You guys have taught me so much. You are all beautiful people and are Heros in my book. I am thankful to be able to learn from you all. Yes, I still believe abusers should be punished, but they are to be pitied too. Survivors are the strong. WE ARE STRONG.

 

[cragger65]

Mercy, yes, it really isn't easy to change our view when it is such an ingrained part of our thinking. But I think you are doing a very good job at it.

I stress again to everyone, I don't think of it as "forgiving the unforgivable". The things people do to other human beings are wrong. But we wind up suffering for what they did even more so if we hold onto this anger. This is the hardest lesson for me, and I'm still learning it every single day.

I really, really do understand if someone says they feel they can't. Man, it's a tough one. But if we keep reminding ourselves, "I'm doing this for ME", over time I believe it can really, really make a difference. It's like therapy. Nothing is accomplished in a day or a week or a month. It's practice, practice, practice, everyday. We try, we fail, we backslide, but we persevere. If there is another way, God, someone please tell me I would love to find the shortcut!! ;)

 

[void]

:clap::clap: And this is exactly why I brought up this topic in the first place. Look at the pathos! Look at how long and hard we have wrestled with this issue! Is this part of the path to freedom? to healing? to release our pain? I don't know. I am still undecided.

One thing I am certain about is the value of discussing this issue. Thank you all for your continued contributions to this thread.:smile::smile:

May peace replace your pain.

Void

 

[Canadian Kitty]

We are both serving a life sentence of severe psychiatric dysfunction and pain

Wow, what an amazing way of putting it. How true, we sufferers are serving life sentences! That really puts things into perspective.

 

[Canadian Kitty]

This is a can of worms. Do I want them punished? Absolutely. But do I feel like bringing on the war that will deffinitely ensue? No. Certainly not now. It's been over 2 decades. I've only told two people, my mother and my husband. No one else knows all the details and certainly no names. If I chose to tell now, there are a bunch of other people who will get hurt in the process. One is now married and has 2 children. Then there is a whole group of people including aunts, uncles, cousins, etc... being forced to chose between me or him, subsequently alienating my mother from her family (of sickos....some of them)

One has spent the majority of his life in and out of prison and is just a real loser, so that is revenge in a way because his quality of life sucks. The other has been in and out of hospitals for suicide watch, so he is suffering. I still wonder why I feel a bit of concern for his well being...

One is dead. He died of lung cancer. I was 11 years old I think. I wrote a note and placed it in his casket. It said "I forgive you." It was a lie. I didn't/haven't. I have not forgiven any of them. I think I wrote the note because that way he could rest in peace, thinking he was forgiven. Why do victims care about the well being of their abusers? A never ending battle that is! I truely want him to be resting in hell!

In one way, I think what must have happened to these people that they would do something so absolutely disgusting and horrible is punishment. In another way, I think they are sick ****s and deserve not to die, but to live a very long, very miserable life in which they suffer tremendously.

So I guess what I'm saying is I am on the fence. But it's true, I am serving a life sentence.

 

[RachPie]

My trauma was caused by an accident, carelessness on their part, but I don't want them punished. I don't care. All I want to do is forget it ever happened, and I can't. There was another incident in my life, but I don't want that person punished either, what goes around comes around, really.

 

[cragger65]

It's funny, my trauma was car accident too, and I have never felt any ill will toward the guy. He made a mistake, panicked, and ran away. It's the insurance company(s), my feelings towards them that I still struggle with.

They knowingly and intentionally pushed me over the edge, breaking my mind. It's personal resentment, most definately, but there's a social justice dimension to it as well, because they get away with doing this to just about everyone. I know I need to "let it go" for my own sake, but it has wreaked havoc with my idea of what is truly just. I am definately not as angry as I once was, at least now I can think about it without going into an uncontrollable fury. Still got some perspective to regain yet though.

 

[Deleted member 1606]

My father is dead now, but I didn't want him punished. What I wanted was for him to cop to what he did. And this he never did.