I know how trivial this is, so I don't know why I am have so much panic about it. I feel quite nervous and awkward
Since I was a child I have wanted to do something outrageous with my hair. Problem is growing up and even in adult hood I have been told my only redeeming quality is my hair. According to some people, I have the "perfect hair." I don't think so. I hate it.
The 2 times in my life I died my hair, people freaked out on me so bad, like violently freaked out. The first time was when I was 15 I dyed it black just because I was pissed about people telling "don't you ever touch your hair." The sometime in my early 20's I dyed it a strawberry blond, minor change but baby steps right? I loved it, felt great about it, and was completely unprepared for the backlash and minor physical assault that came with the "What the hell did you do, you ruined your hair" and "People spend thousands of dollars to get the hair color you have naturally you ungrateful little bitch." As if my hair was their personal property. That is really how people seem to treat it.
I want anything but my natural hair. I adore a few ethnic styles but understand why it isn't appropriate for me to have those styles no matter how much I love them. My next thing is have always wanted to dye my hair an unnatural color. Now that it is getting much more popular I have felt more comfortable.
I have been doing well emotionally despite a lot of stressors and I wanted to do this for myself. I have had the die for about 3 months now I just really needed someone to give me that extra push. I called someone people I thought would be supportive. I guess I was wrong. It was my best friends reaction that really hurt though and sent me into a panic. I told her I just needed one person to tell me to go for it. One person to encourage me to make that leap.
She told me "I can't do that. I am not going to tell you not to, but I can't tell you to do it either."
I was feeling panic when I first started this thread, but now I am just crying and feeling hurt. I started off the thread saying it was trivial, but in the amount of time it has taken me to type this, I realize there is a lot more significance here and underlying issues that aren't just about the hair. Now I am just feeling a lot of disappointment. I don't feel like i can get the courage to do it now.
It's that exaggerated fear of consequences I have that has kept me from enjoying life.
Since I was a child I have wanted to do something outrageous with my hair. Problem is growing up and even in adult hood I have been told my only redeeming quality is my hair. According to some people, I have the "perfect hair." I don't think so. I hate it.
The 2 times in my life I died my hair, people freaked out on me so bad, like violently freaked out. The first time was when I was 15 I dyed it black just because I was pissed about people telling "don't you ever touch your hair." The sometime in my early 20's I dyed it a strawberry blond, minor change but baby steps right? I loved it, felt great about it, and was completely unprepared for the backlash and minor physical assault that came with the "What the hell did you do, you ruined your hair" and "People spend thousands of dollars to get the hair color you have naturally you ungrateful little bitch." As if my hair was their personal property. That is really how people seem to treat it.
I want anything but my natural hair. I adore a few ethnic styles but understand why it isn't appropriate for me to have those styles no matter how much I love them. My next thing is have always wanted to dye my hair an unnatural color. Now that it is getting much more popular I have felt more comfortable.
I have been doing well emotionally despite a lot of stressors and I wanted to do this for myself. I have had the die for about 3 months now I just really needed someone to give me that extra push. I called someone people I thought would be supportive. I guess I was wrong. It was my best friends reaction that really hurt though and sent me into a panic. I told her I just needed one person to tell me to go for it. One person to encourage me to make that leap.
She told me "I can't do that. I am not going to tell you not to, but I can't tell you to do it either."
I was feeling panic when I first started this thread, but now I am just crying and feeling hurt. I started off the thread saying it was trivial, but in the amount of time it has taken me to type this, I realize there is a lot more significance here and underlying issues that aren't just about the hair. Now I am just feeling a lot of disappointment. I don't feel like i can get the courage to do it now.
It's that exaggerated fear of consequences I have that has kept me from enjoying life.
