Single Mom With Ptsd

[Angelwings]

So, I'm a single mom of a ten year old boy (well, he'll be ten at the end of March). I find that I do everything in my power to make sure that he doesn't know how my PTSD is effecting me. He is the most important thing in the world. I homeschool him, so he gets to see me 24/7, so some of my PTSD creeps in once in a while. Sometimes I leave him with my step-mom while I go to sleep. I find that sleeping is a good way to escape the world. Makes time go by faster. I try and model having a high self esteem, but my self esteem is not that good. I think he's picking up on that, he keeps asking me if he's stupid. Anyway, just thought I would post because I was thinking about it. Hope you're all doing well.

 

[illusionist]

Can't be easy! Have you asked him why he asks that? What's his interpretation of the word stupid? What context does he mean?

 

[Neverthesame]

he keeps asking me if he's stupid.

Hmm. Thats kind of an odd question.

Is it possible someone is telling your son that he is stupid, when your not around? Or could it be he is picking up something from you. Wants to understand, but is unable to articulate what he is feeling.

Just a couple of ideas.

 

[StellaBlue]

I try and model having a high self esteem, but my self esteem is not that good. I think he's picking up on that...

You really can't model something you don't have. Believe me, I tried. I am learning skills (emotional regulation, distress tolerance) that I was never taught and slowly "generalizing" them into my daily life. My kids see me doing this and are picking up on them as well. It's a slow process (I like to say it's a huge ship we're turning around here) but we're doing it. I would have liked to have given my kids a parent who initially had all of the patience and self-esteem that kids need, but that didn't happen. Instead, I hope, by seeing me change, they understand that life is fluid and people can change. The one thing I am sure they know is that I love them. Oh, and in learning and practicing these skills, my self-esteem has improved.

I think I responded to another one of your posts - I am a single mom too - and it's hard. It is really help to acknowledge how hard it is and to give yourself some credit for doing it - even when you'd prefer to be curled up in bed.