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MyPTSD Pro
I just wrote this poem because I feel I’m going to bust. I’ve been doing so many things to try masking the pain… this seems to be the healthiest so far.
Daggers of pain
I’m not looking for compliments… I desperately need advice! I’m so torn… what do I do???
Daggers of pain
Your silence is so painful
Each day of your quietude that you live
In knowingly blissful unawareness
Feels like thousands of tiny daggers
Stabbing me
Stabbing me
Stabbing me
Until my body is left in pieces
Cigarette burns help
I’M in control of the stabs
The pain I inflict on myself
Is so much easier than your
Stabbings
Your ability to allow danger
To enter your family
And perhaps to CONTINUE in your family
I don’t have the ability to understand
I’m overflowing with fear
Pure unadulterated fear
For these innocent
To go through what I did
To go through what YOUR child did
And yet you’re fine
Life as usual
You continue
You’re not afraid
You continue your life
You continue your work
You continue your studies
You continue being a “loving” grandma
How?
HOW???
I TOLD you in all the gory & painful details
Of the monster in our midst
Your response; silence
For your skin level relationships
Which are now fraudulent
Weigh more on your scale in life
You’d rather not upset the peace
The FRAUDULENT peace
Then protect your family
Oh, so many tiny innocents
I cannot have this on my conscious
I WILL burst at some point
For now I’m contained to stabbing myself
But I must protect the innocent I love so much
You may live your life of guilty blissfulness
You may live with this on your consciousness
That you could have save even ONE
Of your own
If you had only opened your mouth
If it destroys my relationships
With my loved ones
Then so be it
For I shall not be selfish
I MUST protect what I was never protected from
I feel I have more to say
That this is far from over
But for now I’m drained……
Each day of your quietude that you live
In knowingly blissful unawareness
Feels like thousands of tiny daggers
Stabbing me
Stabbing me
Stabbing me
Until my body is left in pieces
Cigarette burns help
I’M in control of the stabs
The pain I inflict on myself
Is so much easier than your
Stabbings
Your ability to allow danger
To enter your family
And perhaps to CONTINUE in your family
I don’t have the ability to understand
I’m overflowing with fear
Pure unadulterated fear
For these innocent
To go through what I did
To go through what YOUR child did
And yet you’re fine
Life as usual
You continue
You’re not afraid
You continue your life
You continue your work
You continue your studies
You continue being a “loving” grandma
How?
HOW???
I TOLD you in all the gory & painful details
Of the monster in our midst
Your response; silence
For your skin level relationships
Which are now fraudulent
Weigh more on your scale in life
You’d rather not upset the peace
The FRAUDULENT peace
Then protect your family
Oh, so many tiny innocents
I cannot have this on my conscious
I WILL burst at some point
For now I’m contained to stabbing myself
But I must protect the innocent I love so much
You may live your life of guilty blissfulness
You may live with this on your consciousness
That you could have save even ONE
Of your own
If you had only opened your mouth
If it destroys my relationships
With my loved ones
Then so be it
For I shall not be selfish
I MUST protect what I was never protected from
I feel I have more to say
That this is far from over
But for now I’m drained……
I’m not looking for compliments… I desperately need advice! I’m so torn… what do I do???
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