So Frustrated With Therapist!

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

It took me months before I started really talking and even now it is hard for me. With something as difficult as talking about trauma, it really can't be rushed. I like everyone's suggestions of you talking with your therapist about how you are feeling because that may help you. Is there anyway to get more than 15 sessions? I don't know your country's system, but is there a way the therapist can help you advocate for more?

 

[GettingBy]

It took me months before I started really talking and even now it is hard for me. With something as difficult as talking about trauma, it really can't be rushed. I like everyone's suggestions of you talking with your therapist about how you are feeling because that may help you. Is there anyway to get more than 15 sessions? I don't know your country's system, but is there a way the therapist can help you advocate for more?

I probably can but that'll mean being put on a waiting list again. It took 4 months to even get counselling.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Ugh. I am sorry to hear that. That is very frustrating.

 

[sun seeker]

Fifteen sessions is so little, especially for talk therapy which is notoriously slow. If I were in that situation, I'd choose one symptom that was especially troubling to me, say anxiety as one example, and ask the therapist to help me learn some techniques for working on it that I would be able to keep on using once the sessions were over. That way I would have at least a small concrete gain from the sessions rather than feeling I got nowhere. I don't know what your trauma is, but I honestly can't think of any kind of trauma that is going to be completely processed by fifteen sessions of talk therapy. At this point probably the best you can do is adjust your expectations. Part of therapy is building a therapeutic relationship before you get to the work you came in for in the first place, and there just isn't time in fifteen sessions to do all that. Could you think between now and your next session about a small goal you'd like her help with, and bring it to her in writing if you don't think you would be able to tell her directly?

 

[Recovery4Me]

Something I learned for self, so I am just sharing without assumptions of your therapist or your exploration through your trauma.

I found that in the beginning, I was afraid to share as if the 'person' or event that caused the trauma would retaliate, know somehow. This invisible presence or fear silenced me in my past, shamed me in my therapy and I was silenced. Afraid to speak, for the fear of not being believed, or feeling wrong instead of the sharing of being wronged- was an insufferable stumbling block. Then the pain of actually thinking upon the event... the lid shut down tight.

But as I became frustrated (as you say that you are now), I realized, I had made a deadening silent agreement to bury it all, which could not exist any longer if I was to heal. My trust issues were not really with the therapist: I had stopped trusting in me to tell my own story with expectations of recovery. That was the point, I allowed the journey to begin...one session at a time.

 

[Nam]

I get this feeling you don't know what to say because you've been told too often exactly how to feel and when. These sessions are not about your T but about you and how you are doing/coping with your feelings. When asked, I feel like you are grappling for a "suitable" answer to please the both of you. There isn't one. This isn't a partnership, per say. Therapy is your journey through unknown lands with a guide. But it's YOUR journey. And you need to take that first step in a direction. When I first started therapy, I wanted a band aid. Something to ease the pain a little and hopefully I can get back to my life. That's not how healing happens. It gets really nasty for a while. The want to heal has to be greater than the fear of starting. Tip those scales so you can start getting going. When you go to therapy, allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to talk to her about it. How your T handles it is her problem. But you have a job to do. And it you are not a good fit with your therapist, she might have another therapist in mind and can refer you....but first she needs to know more about you.

 

[GettingBy]

I get this feeling you don't know what to say because you've been told too often exactly how to feel and when.

Woah, you've just hit a nerve. This is my life currently.

When I first started therapy, I wanted a band aid. Something to ease the pain a little and hopefully I can get back to my life. That's not how healing happens. It gets really nasty for a while.

That's how I expected therapy to be. I've wrongly assumed that after 15 sessions, I'd be "normal" again.

 

[GettingBy]

If I were in that situation, I'd choose one symptom that was especially troubling to me, say anxiety as one example, and ask the therapist to help me learn some techniques for working on it that I would be able to keep on using once the sessions were over. That way I would have at least a small concrete gain from the sessions rather than feeling I got nowhere.

This is brilliant!

Could you think between now and your next session about a small goal you'd like her help with, and bring it to her in writing if you don't think you would be able to tell her directly?

Small... Would the sleepless nights be small enough?

 

[Cool Cat]

staring at the floor whilst my T stares at me occasionally asking questions. I HATE THIS!

Same! I know sometimes they say it's theraputic or that they're 'in the room with you' and 'youre still communicating' but I hate the feeling of wasting my money.

Whos paying for the therapy?

One thing I used to do was write stuff down (sometimes as much as 500 words) and hand it to my T the second I got in for him to read, it helped a lot.

 

[GettingBy]

@Cool Cat it's a charity that offers therapy for my specific trauma which is why there is such a short time limit.

 

[Cool Cat]

@GettingBy do you think you could ask for more sessions? Or another T? I think it's a bit stupid them sending you back into the world without having helped you. You can't be the first with this problem of shutting out, I'd contact their office

 

[shell]

For myself it was talking about not feeling safe, and bringing into the open my fears of not being safe to sleep, not safe to talk about what happened, being judged or not being believed, or all those other doubts that were constantly in my head was the place to start, because until I could get them under control they ran the session. Any talking is better than no talking, working on why I didn't feel safe in my life, or in therapy was a really good place to learn how to trust, to talk and learn I would not be judged.