Relationship SO has dissociated and the part of her that is doing the driving right now has her abusive ex staying in our house. What do I do???


If you've known her for 9 years then you would have encountered a similar situation in that amount of time. Getting a diagnosis of DID wouldn't suddenly cause parts of her to magically appear
Echoing this.

@OptimisticRealist - without a release, I'm doubtful the therapist could talk with you about your SO's therapy. But, you can tell the therapist things. If you are concerned that she is (unknowingly or knowingly, it doesn't matter) putting herself or her children in harm's way, then she may be considered of danger to herself, or others. Those would be grounds for emergency hospitalization.

It's a deeply upsetting and unpleasant thing to set in motion, I know. But sometimes the most caring thing you can do for someone is pull the emergency cord. Reporting her behavior to the therapist would be a good first step. Researching inpatient facilities would be a good second step. Consulting with a lawyer on the problem of the morality clause (as well as determining your own legal status in the relationship, if you're unclear) - third step.
Kids are 14 (m), 11 (f), 3.5 (f). Not abusive to them physically, but verbally once in a while to the oldest, manipulates the 11 yr old with gifts and lies.
She says DID, but from what I can tell, there have never been completely different personalities, just subtle shifts with memory gaps and slightly different taste in music. She's brilliantly smart though, so since dissociation is something meant to be hidden, it's highly likely she's hiding most of it, even from herself. Idk. If it wasn't causing me so much anguish right now, I'd say it's actually really fascinating, objectively.


Regardless of whether it's DID or not, it's not an excuse for moving her ex in the house.She's still responsible for her actions.

Also,regardless, it's not right for you to be sitting on the sidelines while this is going on. I guess I should applaud you for your concern for her during this but what you allow and overlook will only continue.

i do hope you talk to her and find out what's really going on.

Good luck with all of this.