So Much Pain

[Anarchy]

Hugs @shimmerz

Moves get me too. Back in January I couldn't eat for several days because of the knots in my stomach over the prospect not knowing where I was going to live - It actually worked out ok in the end, but that didn't stop the worry.

I discussed it with a friend who has a traumatic past, and they have the same trigger; sentenced to yet another term at boarding school (prison by another name), moving after yet another lost relationship or another lost job...

The eternity feelings were bad too

Big hugs and count those slow deep breaths. As Stenni says, you've had the presence of mind to come here for help and comfort, your logical mind is managing to hang on there, even as the pre human and very young parts of your brain bounce around like a rodeo bronco.

 

[Born to Run]

This can be seen as amazing progress, the evidence that you're not dissociating can mean that your bigger Self feels that you are now strong enough to start facing past emotional wounds.

I agree with you, and I also love Adyashanti. I know what Shimmerz means with the deep pain and wanting to crawl out of your skin. The difference is that I went through this pain with my therapist present, just last week I had such a session, and you don't know what to do where to leave the pain. It is totally overwhelming and I would tend to feel it as near psychotic too. However, I could go through this hell with a person I really trust and is really safe. Maybe Shimmerz you could ask someone to be with you to go through this, as therapy is no option? Let that person touch you with a hand on your back or shoulder for support, that does miracles for me, when my therapist does that. It is difficult to pull off on your own. I am real sorry for you, as I feel I know what you are talking about here. It is incredibly torturous pain, unbearable. Take care so much.

 

[Meadowsweet]

So sorry you're going through this shimmerz, I'm glad you are talking about it here. I don't think I can offer any more useful practical advice that has already been given. But wanted to lend a hug for support.

 

[Born to Run]

Sometimes when I feel like this I would read the DBT cards t I made and write more about the sentence I read that actually touched on how I was feeling and going through.

You know it is great you post this. I just wonder how in the world is it possible if you are in such pain, that you use your cognition to read cards that can help you out? To me disastrous emotions and cognition do not combine in any way. By default cognition shuts down, when you are in trauma mode, so I really don't get it.

 

[illusionist]

Yes I get this, a sudden surge of emotional flooding in different scenarios which bring out the vulnerabilities of the past...moving is definitely one of them. I feel I want to throw off my skin to release it. I may cry but not to the degree I need to, to release the pain....It feels too deep.

Not much help, sometimes I can bring myself into the reality of what's going on now and break everything down as to what I've got to do, as I need to do it. Other times I've just got to let it be until it passes.

 

[Eleanor]

In the absence of a T - is there a dog around who could hang out with you? I've not been where you are - but always find dogs very very grounding.

Sending calming energy....

Once you are out of it... can you try (and I really really mean "can") to talk to that little baby and get her into a safe place? My friend's mom (who is a pretty sharp tongued person) once told a realtor that "on the contrary, we are selling our HOUSE. We are taking HOME with us." Perhaps you could tell that baby that she is home with you, and you are taking HOME and her with you.

 

[Anarchy]

You know it is great you post this. I just wonder how in the world is it possible if you are in such pain, that you use your cognition to read cards that can help you out? To me disastrous emotions and cognition do not combine in any way. By default cognition shuts down, when you are in trauma mode, so I really don't get it.

That is such a good point.
So far @shimmerz ' conscious brain is hanging on as the unconscious animal part of her brain bucks and rears. But yeah, how to get here, read cards or even just be mindful, when the inner lizard shoves your conscious brain aside, hijacks your amygdala and takes you for a joyride?

 

[Born to Run]

the inner lizard shoves your conscious brain aside, hijacks your amygdala and takes you for a joyride

Great how you put this :roflmao::laugh:

 

[Bookoffee]

I just wonder how in the world is it possible if you are in such pain, that you use your cognition to read cards that can help you out? To me disastrous emotions and cognition do not combine in any way. By default cognition shuts down, when you are in trauma mode, so I really don't get it.

I have a difficult time myself. I read them over and over and over. There are a few that have pictures next to the quotes. I have the cards saved on two computers and on my phone because I have ripped, burned screamed at them. I have dents in my wall at home from throwing my phone at it as I read them. Then I would just go back to reading them again to try and find some sort of comfort. Once I find that one that touches me, I will stare at it, repeat it and sometimes write about it.

It is a difficult task to do, but I keep with it so I don't do any harm beside my wall.

 

[Born to Run]

@Bookoffee Thank you for explaining. I understand that the cards are actively involved as well ;)

 

[Dana1010]

I just wonder how in the world is it possible if you are in such pain, that you use your cognition to read cards that can help you out? To me disastrous emotions and cognition do not combine in any way. By default cognition shuts down, when you are in trauma mode, so I really don't get it.

I'm always envious of PTSD sufferers who can work or do recreational things or pretty much anything through the triggered periods. That's the whole problem with coping skills for me--once you're triggered it's too late. But thanks for the affirmations and thought challenging techniques I can use when I'm 100% stable.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I literally have someone make decisions for me, I get this horrendous feelings inside of me, like I am literally a 1 year old.

Moving is generally a disturbing event for anyone High stress, the unknown. For us with PTSD, and especially your history it would be unbearable. Each move has gotten worse. The last two I was incapable, only through the help of a dear friend (who understands my condition) could I pack up. He drove the truck, but I could not move my self with the car and the dog for two weeks. Slept on the floor with camping gear. The last was 2 weeks post broken ankle and foot surgery, 10 days notice to move and no trusted help - incapacitated in every way. And no where to move to. I still have not unpacked other than basics in almost two years. Each box puts me into panic attack, vomiting or crashed out.

I can help others move and am very good at it. I try to pretend that I am doing it for someone else when I have to go through a box to get paperwork.

My heart goes out to you. I beat myself up for not being able to complete the task, shame, guilt, fear, hopelessness. Living hell.