Some Days Just Too Much

[Llith]

I am sure everyone has these days, but today is one of those days for me.

Had a company away day and I had to do so many things outside of my comfort zone. Speaking infront of groups of people, loud crowded places, spending a whole day interacting with people as well as a art and communication session that just reminded me of therapy and triggered me so bad.

Feeling like such a broken human being today, I can't even be normal for these things everyone else seems to think are simple. I feel my whole day has been spent on the edge of a panic attack.

Sure other people are like this, but would be nice to be reminded being this disfunctional is normal for people like us. Spent my whole day feeling like odd one out.

 

[ladee]

I know..
We should have T-shirts made that says
I HAVE PTSD AND TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LET YOU KNOW.

 

[Llith]

I know..
We should have T-shirts made that says
I HAVE PTSD AND TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LET YOU KNOW.[/QUOT...

If it did not defeat the point I would be ordering one right now!!!!! It's so exhausting to pretend to be fine when you are anything but....

 

[ibgrace]

I am sure everyone has these days, but today is one of those days for me.

Had a company away day and I...

Do you have to go to these types of things often? You would probably have been suprised how many people there was feeling the same as you. It would be good if you had a support buddy for things like this that goes also. My best friend anchors me in these situations..My head tremors if I have to talk to people I don't know or to police, doctors and such..I try to focus on their ties or necklace or something close to their face cause I can't look people in the eye

 

[ladee]

@Llith , how would you have acted different had you given yoursel permission?
Interested in what you have to keep locked down.

 

[Llith]

Do you have to go to these types of things often? You would probably have been suprised how many people...

I don't have to go that often, just every 3 months. More than I would like I guess. I don't know anyone at the company I work at to trust them with any information so I am kind of on my own :(.

Lol I agree with focusing on anything else, I hate holding eye contact with anyone.

Thanks for replying! Makes me feel less insane already. I just wish I could find a way to explain how uncomfortable everything makes me without telling them about the PTSD. That already creates unwanted questions ahaha.

 

[Llith]

@Llith , how would you have acted different had you given yoursel permission?
Interest...

Mainly the panic, I definitely wouldn't have been the team leader for a group. I would have been quieter and not had to stand in front of a group of people and speak. Tbh although everyone says I do it well, no matter the other people, public speaking leaves me physically shaking and feeling sick. It also makes me dissociate which is really stressful when you know you should be concentrating on what other people are saying.

I would have walked out of the art and communication class, it's just so triggering talking about methods you personally use to cope in a work environment while everyone speaks about them obviously ignorant and never having to do things like that before. It makes me feel like such a failed human that I had to learn these techniques at 10 to deal with what was happening to me.

Finally I would have gone some where quieter than a really loud pub. I can't deal with so many people I end up chain smoking out side just to escape. I fine lots of people highly stressful and makes me panic the entire time.

Summary: if I had let myself act naturally I would have avoided slot of it ahahaha.

 

[ladee]

Me too! Sorry your job calls for so much exposure.
You did an exceptional job!!
Then you can get in your car and laugh like a maniac on the way home...if they only knew!
Hope you get some good rest.
Hope you don't have to do this again anytime soon!
Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Llith]

Me too! Sorry your job calls for so much exposure.
You did an exceptional job!!
Then you can get in you...

Ahw thanks!!!
Sitting on a train at the moment processing the day, thanks for replying. Makes me feel way less alone!
--- gentle hugs accepted! ---
I shall hopefully get a good night's sleep and be more human feeling in the morning! XD

 

[ladee]

A good nights sleep will help.... take a nice hot bath or shower, put your jammies on and call it a day!!!!