Sounds trigger anger - need help

[The Albatross]

Last thing, I swear. You are an empathic/caring young man. You have the awareness that this is an issue... a pattern in your life that can be or already is problematic. You can beat/best this. Honest.

 

[The Albatross]

You are trying to get assistance at a young age and realize the gravity of your anger issues... to the point of reaching out on a forum. Rare thing, you are an exceptional young man. Remember that moving forward cuz it is not a detriment, it is a blessing.

 

[Deleted member 29311]

@The Albatross

Thank you so much for your support and stuff, and it's not just about me. You've been posting on my threads a lot and helping me out which I'm thankful for, I'm curious about you and your story!

Honestly though I don't think it's because of my father, because I never had this issue until a few years ago when PTSD popped up, so I know it's just a symptom also tied to the stress and stuff I'm currently experiencing because I'm not in the environment I wish I had right now (my own space, which I'm saving up for).

I know I will beat this whether it's next year or 5 years from now or what ever.. it's just a matter of time.

Again, thank you.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm on the members trauma diaries but it's pretty long and I've only been here for about 4 years... the first 60 pages or so are the highlights/lowlights I never followed the suggestion to do a bullet list because I have memory gaps/blank spots. Like David Bowie years are missing but I didn't do drugs if ya know what I mean. Start a PC if you can't find it and I'll give ya the link.

 

[Friday]

Cha. I have this. Makes my teeth itch. Especially when it's deliberate. Kids will trigger accidental like (kaBOOM, thump thump crash!), and I learned to find it hilarious. But the rampant disapproval and stalking about adults do when they're being passive aggressive* f*cks make me seriously start losing my cool.

So that's what I work with. My cool needs to come back. How do I get it back? Few ways. All of them are about bleeding the stress off. For myself:

Most cathartic is beating the ever lovin hell out of a bag. I have a HeavyBag that's long enough for kick boxing, so I can get my whole body into it. I absolutely cannot start single punching pillows or anything else. All that does is train me to lash out when I'm pissed off. Bad juju. When I work the bag it's working the bag. It's bleeding off stress and chemicals and sweat. Exhausted/energized at the end of it. Running isn't quite as effective for me, because it's only half my body that's working hard, but it's the same idea. Gymnastics/parkour type stuff is another one I'll use.

Most balancing for me are gravity sports or breathing 'sports'. Surfing and Snowboarding = gravity. (Skating probably would be too, but I don't skate. Road rash and I don't get on). Shooting & Singing = breathing.

Most Halt! (don't do anything I'll regret) is walking my happy ass away from the situation. Usually this means exit stage left, climb into a car, and work on destroying my ear drums & let the music's beats pound their way into my bones until my head clears. Failing a car, taking a long walk will also eventually allow the rage to cool.

*Personal bias. I don't really mind outright aggression. People get angry. Leaking out happens. It's passive aggressive / I'm going to manipulate you or get back at you by inflicting my anger on you ...that makes me want to choke some honesty into them.

 

[Deleted member 29311]

@FridayJones

All very rellatable lol and oh yes thank you for reminding me about my punching bag!! I haven't really used it in so long because I've been so busy.. For me it's about getting that angry aggressive/violent energy out of my system, which is why like you, running doesn't help at all.. Hell I get so much cardio/exercise in a day as it is. I even hit the gym 4 times a week!

Btw thanks again for reminding me about sports like snowboarding! Your input is very helpful thank you. Seeing someone else get angry usually makes me get angry as well.. And I also hate passive aggressiveness lol

Anyways, hope all is well!

 

[SabrinaB]

I agree that hypersensitivity to sounds is often related to the hyperarousal / hypervigilance aspects of PTSD. There are days when silly or benign sounds like hearing someone chew or swallow cause a deep visceral reaction in me.

Just being aware of this helps a bit. Some sounds like overhearing a phone conversation are trauma related, but others- who knows? I think it's less important why we react than what we do when it triggers something within us.

The way I deal is by practicing mindfulness. When I catch myself reacting I pause and shift my awareness to observing what's going on inside of me without judging or labeling it. Over time I try and go a bit deeper into the sensation, confronting and exploring what it feels like in my body and noting what pops into my mind. Seems counter intuitive, but instead of making me more agitated, I find after a few moments the irritation decreases. Sometimes I even find that my attention has wandered off to something else without me even being aware of it.

 

[Neverthesame]

Is it possible that it's not anger at the root of your problem?

The reason I ask is, what you had said about banging, thumping, knocking and other assorted noises people make just farting around the house. These noises drive me nuts as well. But it's not anger at it's cause. For me it's more about trying to be in the mindset of 'home'.

When someone drops something or closes a door too hard, it snaps me out of my nice distracted state. Back to painful reality. The anger comes from the idea that there isn't really any place I can go that will truly feel safe. It's much easier to assign a face to a noise and be angry at it for being too loud, than to accept that even in my safe home, I still expect some faceless "something" to fly out of the dark and kill me. The joys of anxiety. Ha.

That's what I noticed about me anyway. Maybe your different, but something to think about anyway.

The exception to this however, is if I am dicking about with the guitar. In which case all of the above noises are out of time with what song I'm playing (butchering). Then it's actually just irritation. Lol.

 

[Deleted member 29311]

@Neverthesame

Wow yeah that was an intriguing reply! Honestly that's what it is, it snaps me out of my ''calm state''. It makes me feel as though the person is angry and snapping when they do that, which makes me feel super on edge and angry as well.

I have a friend (who I hung out with last night) who constantly does that and it's the most irritating thing on the planet. When he talks, he will literally slam the table and stuff (we were at a restaurant) like 10 times or more in a minute while he's speaking, to the point where I've had to ask him why he does it, because it's so unnecessary, loud and annoying. No one else around was doing that, I don't understand why he does it so excessively, it seems to be on purpose. He continues to do it and I'm not even sure I can be friends with someone like that anymore because it's one of the most irritating things to me.

Anyways I'm going off a bit lol thanks for your reply!

Btw, what kind of music do you play?

 

[Neverthesame]

Table thumpers? I have known a few of those, one of them also used to wear rings on most of their fingers. Sounded like a high school shop class. "Chatter, chatter, Bang! Chatter, chatter, Bang!" I actually considered gluing foam rubber to the top of the coffee table.

As for your friend, when people do things like that, it is often a physical tic used to overcome a social anxiety. Flailing their hands about and making noise to distract the person their talking to. He probably doesn't know why he does it.

Oh, and I play the blues (well, try to at any rate).

 

[Berserker14]

I am 36 and still haven't figured out how to completely keep my rage at certain noises to myself (I can't stand the sound of whistling, clapping or snapping). I've gotten better at just trying to distance myself from the noise if possible or if I can't get away from the noise I grit my teeth and repeat the alphabet millions of times until the noise stops. Sounds kind of dumb but that's all I got right now. I hope you find a better solution!

 

[Gadgie]

I suffer from really bad mood swings, and flare up into a terrible rage over silly little things, then I calm down just as quick?

It's so frustrating, as I'm only raging at myself, I live alone now, and am totally isolated, since my wife passed with cancer. I don't see any of her family any more, after an argument, about their lack of help, and things (valuable) as well as our life savings going missing?

I have no friends either, as I never got out much for the seven years my wife was bed bound, and the five years before that I was her carer, as she had emphysema.

I would really like to learn how to control these mood swings, as I can go from feeling OK, to a deep depression, just like that. I even argue with myself at times, some times I think I'm losing it altogether.

I feel like an outsider looking in on life in general, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get along with people, I have lost all my confidence and trust with people in general! I'm not normal, am I?