Spontaneous Crying And Unaware

[Candleflames]

So for a couple of months now I have been having times throughout the day where I cry unprompted and unaware. That is there doesn't seem to be any one thing that brings it on. On top of that I don't realize that I am crying until I feel the tears on my cheek or chin or someone says something. It's that second one that bothers me the most. I don't notice the lip quivering or the sniffling or even the tears at first. I have no idea how long it goes on for before I notice. There's been more than a few times where someone else noticed before me and said something.

While there isn't anything happening outside of me that brings it on, there is an emotional state that accompanies the crying. I don't know which comes first but I notice the crying and the emotions together. The best way i can describe it is that I feel "emotional" without really being to name any particular emotion. It's just this ball of umph, meh and sigh swelling in my chest. It also really does feel like a swelling in my chest too.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any idea on how and where to look for clues as to a cause?

And totally seriously here: anyone have some responses to people asking me "what's wrong" when this happens in public? I can't constantly be having bugs flying into both eyes everywhere! Sheesh

 

[Suzetig]

I so know what you mean, I had this for about 10 months - would find myself crying for no apparent reason that I could name and was often unaware initially and then couldn't stop. I had that ball of yuck in the chest feeling, a sense of dread and anxiety. It took me about 4 months to try and figure this out in therapy - I literally spent 4 months crying at my poor therapist who helped me unpick what the tears were about and slowly but surely I've become more stable. I still get tearful but perhaps once a week instead of several times a day. I understand it to be a form of flashback, me feeling the emotions that belong to a different time and place - an emotional memory if you know what I mean and triggers an be anything from something someone has said that reminds me of past abuse, my own self talk or a sight or scent or some such that takes me back.

Things I found helped were meticulous self care, eg disciplining myself to read for pleasure, go for a walk in the park, speak to friends, journaling, drinking nice tea, using nice hand cream etc i have things that I must do every day whether I feel like it or not. They keep me on an even keel and ground me. Sometimes I just have to ride it out, give myself space to feel whatever I feel and cry if I want to.

In terms of what to tell others, you'd be amazed the amount of times my contact lenses slip or irritate me...

 

[Cadiche]

I suffer from irrational crying. But I know I am doing it. Usually reading the news or watching a movie or tv show. I am unable to watch sad movies with others because I become absolutely inconsolable and cannot breathe. It is like I am drowning in sorrow at things that are not even a part of my life. Drives me nuts.

Also if I get angry and start arguing, I burst into tears. Fully unintentional and I cannot seem to control it.

 

[Laura 2]

I thought I was alone in this. I just feel the tears suddenly spilling out of my lower eyelids and that's the first I know about it. I don't even have an emotion name to pin on it though it's not a positive feeling for sure. I quickly stuff it all back and carry on. Because I suppose that I would never, ever be able to stop crying. No, I know I wouldn't.

@Cadiche - 'irrational crying'? Not sure there's any such thing. Movies and tv shows are fundamentally designed to evoke emotion (positive and negative). That's just about all broadcast media is there for: vicarious emotion. It's not irrational to cry at reading or seeing other people's sadness. It's probably a sign that you're a healthy, compassionate human being because you can identify with the suffering of others !

 

[silkleaves]

There was a time, for a few months at the worst of my depression, where I would fall asleep crying, wake up to find that I've been crying in my sleep, and throughout the day burst into tears for no apparent reason. That doesn't happen so much anymore nowadays, only every so often.

It's weird, in that I can feel it coming on, like my stutter...when I just know that if try to say anything, I'm going to stutter, I just all of a sudden feel like I'm on the brink of tears and them bam. I think that has to do with ruminating, when I'm not even aware of the thoughts I'm having, but they are affecting me? Or maybe its just that I get so overwhelmed at times that it spills over into tears without there being a specific reason why it's happening? I don't know. But yeah, it happens.

 

[Laura 2]

@silkleaves - yes, I get that crying in my sleep too. Or wake myself up shouting and swearing in a sweat. The stuttering too.

It seems to me that the unconsciousness of it all is not about ruminating - which IS a conscious activity - but coming from physical brain changes/injury.

 

[Cadiche]

So admin just kicked my butt on here for giving advice with my personal situation. What do I do? A 43 year old woman? I cry my eyes out yet again. I need a break from life. Cheers.

 

[silkleaves]

Awe don't worry @Cadiche ...if it's that grammar and punctuation message, I have the feeling we have all gotten it at some time or another. I don't like em either, but I remember that its not personal, it happens to us all :)

@Laura 2, one of the things my therapist had told me was that we all have thoughts at all times, and not always consciously deciding what to think about or how much to think, it just happens, and its a normal thing to do. Sort of like how someone can be watching TV, then suddenly remember something they need to do, our brains are always working on one thought or another, not til something stands out that we take notice of it. But then, for someone with PTSD whose thoughts can include some emotionally hard hitting stuff, it can end up having an emotional effect on us.

The whole thing came about because I have problems finding out what my triggers are. From my perspective, nothing is happening, I like, I'm just making myself some coffee and next thing I know, I disassociate. She said that something is happening, I'm just not aware of it because its buried in with the random thoughts not at the top of my consciousness. So that was sort of the exercise, the thing that I know I need to work on, being more aware of what is going on in my own head because those random thoughts I have in my head, because of my PTSD, instead of being harmless, are turning dark and I need to be more aware of them.

 

[Suzetig]

@Laura 2 I've recent started waking up in tears - proper crying, upset tears not just feeling a bit tearful. I've not seen my therapist since that started so haven't been able to talk it through but it's very disconcerting!

 

[Candleflames]

Thank you everyone for sharing. It's a little comforting to know it isn't just me that experiences this annoyance.

I too talked to my T about it once. He said it seamed like a reasonable thing for me to experience. I have been numb for so long that the emotions I stuffed away have built up and the reservoir is now leaking. At least it is in small doses as I haven't gotten to the hysterical crying in these episodes. It's that quiet crying that you can't shut off. It'd be nice if it didn't happen in public though.

@Suzetig If I wore contacts I'd use that. With people that don't know me so well I just might.

one of the things my therapist had told me was that we all have thoughts at all times, and not always consciously deciding what to think about or how much to think, it just happens,

I was wondering about this as a possible reason. My head get's so noisy that I can't even pick out a single thought to pay attention to.

I think this may be the next thing we work on in session. I've been at a loss for what to talk to him about lately.

 

[Laura 2]

@Laura 2 I've recent started waking up in tears - proper crying, upset tears not just feeling a bit tearful.

I'm sorry that you're having that experience now. I wonder if it's something to do with how the therapy is working its way into the core of things? (sorry, that's all very vague terminology!)

 

[Laura 2]

The whole thing came about because I have problems finding out what my triggers are. From my perspective, nothing is happening, I like, I'm just making myself some coffee and next thing I know, I disassociate. She said that something is happening, I'm just not aware of it

Yes. I have a shedload of all sorts of things that trigger me due to the way the PTSD was inflicted. So many that I have to numb out just about all the time - which is why stuff leaks out (literally) I guess.

One of the things I wonder about is how effective is it to bring those buried thoughts to the surface? I am certain that having to tell my case history to, probably, 500 or more services' staff in 10yrs has retraumatised me over and over and over.

I suppose I'm just wondering whether letting sleeping dogs lie could be a better way of dealing and healing. Totally contrary to conventional wisdom I know. But my numbness has definitely helped me to function at least on the surface as an apparently normal person over the last 6mths in a safe place. Maybe if I had 5yrs more of this - with loads of good new memories then it might all heal...? Who knows? - just thinking aloud here ;)