"staying In Your Head" Coping Skill

[Whirlwind]

At the risk of sounding too far out there, has anyone else created imaginary people in their head? As in, an imaginary support system of family and friends that you needed, but didn't have? Also, do you talk with them and do they encourage you or talk back?

You don't sound too far out there :) LOL..... Not a support system per se but a mental rolodex full of elaborate worlds and "people". Not really talking, except in my dreams, I have a number of dreams where I have long (well remembered) conversations with people real or imagined.I seem to push a lot of my concerns/issues into my dream world.

Interesting question & thread.... Cheers, Whirlwind

 

[maryiscontrary]

This has been such an important thread to me. Have any of you guys seen the old movie "Slaughterhouse five"?

I really recommend this movie, as the author, Kurt Vonnegut, really captures PTSD, flashbacks, and dissociation in a very gentle way, with a very lovable main character. The main character is "in his head", on an alternate sci-fi planet called tralbador, where no trauma happens and everything is safe.

Kurt Vonnegut has been my favorite fiction writer since I was a teenager, but the way he puts a story to the collateral consequences of expose to extreme trauma was very, very validating. It is very much a must see for everybody on this thread.

 

[Bedbug]

I was wondering if others find themselves using this coping skill.

Absolutely, yes! I have done that all my life, but even more so since recovering my childhood abuse memories. I hadn't seen my behaviour as a coping skill, a way to smother feelings, but it is. Sometimes it is a helpful skill, sometimes not. Thank you for posting this.

Curiously, I ordered a copy of Homecoming last night and came upon this thread today. I am really looking forward to reading the book.

More reading, information gathering and analysing... :-)

 

[Woof]

"In your head"

WOW!

"Get Out of Your Head"

I am a Survivor of a Cult like atmosphere. Thought Coercion, Mind Control and Brainwashing was the epicenter of the abuse. 12 hours a day, locked up in a warehouse (for 3 years) with 350 other adolescents. Hours were filled with indoctrination, physical intimidation and humiliation. OUR...in particular, "MY" only defense was to "Get into your head".

Of course, this was poo-poo'd and strongly discouraged! Individuals would immediately get in the face, scream at the top of their lungs "GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!!"

They had methods of distraction....songs....WE had to sing songs. But, the songs had purpose. In between indoctrination periods (2 hour "raps") the songs kept US occupied and kept OUR minds mush. Kept US easier to manipulate. "Getting into Your Head" was a defense, a way to close the world out, a place to run...when there was no place to run. A way to FIGHT, when there was no way to fight.

"Staying in my Head"....albeit an excellent coping mechanism....it certainly served me well...may prove to be a double edged sword of sorts.

Picture this: Fiance comes home from work, chores are not done. "what have you done all day?"
Ummmmm...err uhhhh....

I sat on the couch all day starring blankly into space....

"What were you thinking about?"

I don't know...

"You must have thought about something?"

No, not that I recall...

"Why didn't you do this or that?"

I couldn't move...

"Where you afraid?"

No, not really...

"Are you depressed?"

No, not really...

"So what did you do all day?"

Just sat here....

What sucks is that not only can I see it, but I can feel the obvious sense of exasperation she has with me. I am not lazy. I am not a free loader, a bum or anything like that....but, if a camera was watching me....that's what it would show....me sitting on the couch looking blankly into the void...the proverbial 10,000 yard stare.

Where at one time it was/is an excellent coping/avoiding mechanism...and I certainly enjoy my own company...I can honestly say....I am not skilled using this tool. I can be intensely focused on absolutely nothing for hours and hours upon hours. As Buddhist, I could easily chalk this up to....Meditating....yeah, that's right Meditating...I was Meditating. Well...no.

There is a difference between Meditating and "shutting down". And that is what I tend to do. I simply "shut down". I would like to say that I do it when I am overwhelmed, stressed or facing some dilemma or another. Fact is, I can do it anytime. Things can be extraordinarily well in all aspects of my life...and I can loose 4 hours in a heart beat.

I suspect, this would be of little consequence, if I were in a world all by myself and I only had myself to answer to, relate to.....but no...I have others in my life. Oddly enuff, they want to interact with me...they love me. There are responsibilities and duties in this life, that need and require my attention. So, my good friend, "dissociation" for all it's worth, also has it's drawbacks.

It will be interesting to see how this thread unfolds....I will sit here and wait as it does <smirk>

 

[Bedbug]

Hi @Woof. That was a very powerful description but @WillowMarie's original post was referring to "staying in your head" as a coping skill described by John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming:

"Obsessing about things, analyzing, discussing, reading, and spending lots of energy in trying to figure things out."

It is not the the "zoning out" kind of coping skill that you described so well, which is also very common amongst people with PTSD. Rather it is the skill of occupying the mind so fully with rational activities that it shuts out all feeling. Do you do this too?

 

[Muzikluvr]

I spend my time distracting myself now, but most of my life was spent dissociating like you described. People might ask me, "Did you lose time?" and "No" is the answer. I knew where I was all along. I just lost "track" of time. And, it seemed like time was flying by while I was held suspended in time.

Now I do that online instead. I can't stop. I know I'm supposed to get up and get busy. I know I am making things worse by sitting here. I know I will feel better about myself if I accomplish something. (I get up) "I know there was something I wanted to do"... (I walk through my disorganized home) "but I can't remember what it was..."(I see plenty to do) - I feel sleepy... I feel angry... I feel hopeless... back to the internet I go.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I wonder if the others on this thread also felt like they had to protect their minds from the brainwashing and gaslighting going on around them. As a child, my memories were being assaulted, my logic and perceptions were attacked, my sanity was brought into question... all in an effort to maintain my isolation and to conceal the abuse. I knew this was happening. I argued against it, and everything I tried failed. The only safe place for me was within. It's rather difficult to connect to people when you've spent your childhood creating ways to dismiss them before they can confuse you or convince you that fantasy is reality.

As an adult, I unlocked the vault where I'd stored all the memories of abuse, along with all the strange memories of people saying things to me or about me that didn't make sense to me at the time. There were a lot of traumas in there, and a lot of trauma-related events. To play those side by side with the corroborative memories of the ways my family and I relate to each other, the things that are family lore about me, all that I thought I knew about myself because of my brother, my parents, my grandparents... everyone... and to see that all my vault memories make all of that family lore make more sense - and explain why it all made me so "irrationally angry". Wow! Deciphering my life... by analyzing what's in my own memory bank. That really locked me away in my own mind for a long time.

 

[Woof]

@Bedbug The terms "In your head" and or "Get out of your Head" are extreme trigger words (phrases) for me. Perhaps I am not reading correctly or simply getting stuck on the words themselves. I am immediately taken back to a period of 3 years, locked in a warehouse with countless faces screaming into my own. Faces so angry and contorted, with spittle ejecting from their mouths and landing on my face..."GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD" Standing in front of a group of 350 adolescents humiliating and hurling insults.....simply because, I was "in my head".

So....I have issue with the phraseology to begin with.
And, I am not sure I understand the rationale either....

The fact that someone coined these terms as a means of coping via "the skill of occupying the mind so fully with rational activities that it shuts out all feeling"....well....perhaps I am dense/damaged. I just don't get it. Or rather, I don't get the difference. Whether I fill my mind with "rational activities" or 'irrational activities" (for lack of a better word)....is the end result not the same? Is it still not a means of coping? Is it genuinely coping or is it simply a fancy word for avoidance?

Whether I sit and think of nothing...or if I sit and think of everything...am I not still just sitting? Am I not, still..."In my head"?

To answer your question; No, I do not employ "the skill of occupying the mind so fully with rational activities that it shuts out all feeling."

It is not my wish to be obstinate, but I am writing this thru a filter of "being triggered"...as such, finding the words to convey and or articulate my state at the moment is at best, challenging. Not all things, suggestions, books work for all people. Judging from my initial response of the concept, to my current response to the concept....this concept is NOT a good fit for me. I am not attempting to devalue the concept for others that it may do wonders for..

Like the concept of "Group Therapy"....in and of itself, it has proven to be a valuable asset in the treatment industry. Considering that my abuse took place in a "Group Environment"....is it not understandable that I react adversely to this course of treatment? As such, it is contraindicated, for me, personally...based on my experience. Does that Poo-Poo "Group Therapy"? Certainly not, it simply is ill suited for me. The same with this concept.

Were I perusing my favorite book store and stumbled across this book and read the words "Staying in Your Head", "In your Head" and or "Get Out of your Head".....I would simply have to drop the book, uncaring where it landed and made my way for the nearest exit. Yes, I understand this is bit of a dramatic illustration, but it is not far from being an accurate prediction of my response. Because words were delivered with twisted meanings during my abuse, I often have visceral reactions to common everyday words and phrases. These benign words and phrases have a tendency to send me spinning. They are not benign to me, but rather toxic. Had the concept be expressed differently, say for example "Cultivating the Inner Landscape of the Mind"......Well, I may have looked deeper into the concept, who knows, maybe even purchased the book and engaged in it's premise. But as it is written now.....ehhhh, not likely.

It is sad to realize just how ensnared I can become in my contemptuous state, before even investigating what may well prove to be beneficial means of growth. This realization is simply that, a realization.....doesn't mean I expect any sudden changes any time soon. Perhaps there in lies the reasoning for time, so that things don't all happen at once...allowing the chance for change to eventually take place. I wish you...

Much Peace
Woof

 

[Abstract]

Hi Woof. I loved reading your description of being repeatedly stuck in nothingness. Boy do I have that problem too and Muzikluver said it well too. I would love to discuss it further somewhere too. I didn't want to respond too much for fear of taking the thread off topic. Thank you for sharing!

Get out of your head may have been used to refer to dissociation and shutdown for you and I do also think of it in that way as well to a degree but from a theoretical and psychological point of view it refers to what Willow described at the beginning of her thread - it is about over analysing, obsessing and intellectualising as a way of feeling more in control of a situation and avoid just experiencing emotions. I do both and they feel very different to me although are two of many ways I avoid doing or feeling, or create an illusion of control.

You will find everyone here understands the weight and associations that some words and terms have for us. They are one of the things that get distorted by and attached to trauma for us. You are somewhere where people do understand.

 

[Woof]

Hmmmmm......

Ok, let me see if I am any closer to understanding. "it is about over analyzing, obsessing and intellectualizing as a way of feeling more in control of a situation and avoid just experiencing emotions."

In my effort to understand, while simultaneously combating triggered emotions....engaging here, in this instance, in light bantering, a bit of "analyzing, obsessing and intellectualizing"...Am I actually practicing this concept? In an effort to avoid/cope with the said "triggered emotions"?

If it is said that "half a dozen" is the answer and my insistence that it is "six" (6)...although moot....that the simple "insistence" and subsequent arguments supporting (6) is....in essence...practicing this concept? As evidenced by the "analyzing, obsessing and intellectualizing" I am currently engaged in?

If so......damn, just damn....I did not know that about myself!

 

[Bedbug]

@Woof, I hope you didn't think I was being dismissive of your experience or of the meaning of that phrase for you. I also use dissociation as a coping skill and really connected with the way you described it. I would love to see you start a fresh discussion on that topic in a new thread.

 

[Bedbug]

Our last two posts were just moments apart.

I think there are two very different coping skills under discussion here. "Staying in your head" could just as easily refer to either one. Perhaps by engaging in the discussion you are now using one (over-analysing) to avoid becoming too triggered by thinking about the other (dissociation). Interesting...