Steinberg Depersonalization Test

[Deleted member 29920]

53 today :alien:

 

[7Cs]

46 "severe" but could be worse. Also not a surprise.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

39 "severe"... Not a huge surprise I guess.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad somebody bumped this... cuz I couldn't find it.

 

[Lesza]

"Your score of 62 falls in the range of Severe Depersonalization (25-75).We recommend that you be evaluated by a professional who is trained in the administration of the full SCID-D interview." - is that really depersonalization? Or just my personality? Maybe I didn't understand the test correctly, silly me ;) Really, I haven't experienced a real trauma in my life, so it has to be just my weak self. Now, how to fight it if it's a part of my personality, it's impossible I guess ;) I wasn't like that when I was a kid, I wonder why it had to emerge later.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I haven't experienced a real trauma in my life

Are you just in denial? In order to have PTSD you have to have experienced trauma or at least the threat of trauma which could be very traumatic as well.

 

[Lesza]

Hi, WishfulThinking :) I've been searching for answers lately and I concluded that my experiences weren't traumatic, compared to others' ordeals. It's just me, I am the problem, it isn't nobody's fault that I am as I am. I just see that people have real problems and I should just go over it, as those around me keep saying to me - I'm trying, dammit ;) I just want to be normal, have a normal life and normal relationships. Sometimes I feel like my inner child is about to come out from the shell but that barrier around me is too strong.
Sorry that I am still here, if I do anything wrong or I should stop writing here, let me know, I will understand :)

 

[scout86]

I concluded that my experiences weren't traumatic, compared to others' ordeals

There are always going to be people who've been through worse than you. There are also going to be people who've gone through what might seem less, with bad effects.

I don't think there's a clear, direct line between 'severity of trauma' and 'severity of PTSD'. My T says you can have 3 people in a vehicle that hits an IED. One gets killed. One goes on with life like nothing happened. One gets PTSD. It happens. No clear idea why, yet.

So don't get hung up on things 'not being bad enough'. If you have distress as a result, it was bad enough for that and its ok to work towards getting better. That's what really matters.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

@Lesza Trauma is trauma period....I agree with @scout86 that trauma effects people differently and that is nothing to feel bad about. I often think my trauma isn't as bad as others but my T tell me yes maybe some have had it worse but what if what happened to you was your worst case scenario? Meaning we shouldn't get hung up on who had it worse, denying what happened and that it had an effect on you could delay your healing. I didn't develop PTSD until about 4 years after I left my abusive X- why because I just tried to "get over it..." It is important to grieve over the trauma and to recognize it has had an effect on you. People who haven't been through trauma themselves also don't really "get it." I definitely had things happen to me as a child that I couldn't ever talk to my family about because, they wouldn't understand how something like that has affected me so greatly. I hope you are working with a good T and I'm sorry for whatever you went through that is causing you pain :(

 

[Lesza]

Thank you all so much, you don't know how much I appreciate it.

I've actually tried to search for help earlier. When I was a teenager, the worst were that heartaches that couldn't be explained, so te doctor said I'm just oversensitive and should take some calming herbal pills. Then, around two years ago, after my father's death when life became even harderto survive, I tried to reach again. I told my family doctor that it may be something connected with traumatic experiencw from my childhood and I may need a professional help. He laughed at me and told me that I am just weak and oversensitive, that I should get over it on my own. My mother tells me the same, that I had a really happy and safe life compared to hers and it's just my weak personality, she wishes me to be like I was when I was a little kid again. I try very hard.

Now I've met a man I love but I can't expres my feelings properly, I become numb and detached, I am ashamed of myself. He is kind but I wonder for how long. If I remain like this... I want to change, I am afraid I can hurt him during my night terrors. Maybe my past affected me more than I think after all. For example, I felt numb after rape attempt and thought I was unaffected but I wonder. And something else happened during my childhood but ai don't remember, I relive something in my night terrors but I have no idea what. 'Please don't touch me, don't hurt me, leave me alone, let me out' - it may be about bullying I experienced. Or rape attempt left more than I thought; I thought it didn't affect me at all, as I became numb and strangely calm after that, like it never happened. But maybe it affected me after all. I see now how tense I become when I recall it, and how hard is to be around men to me.

But I feel there is something else, hiding in the darkness of my mind. I try to recall. I have a very selective memory ;) When my mother reminded me incident from my childhood I forgot what she said right after she said that, even if she was full of rage. Kinda funny, I asked her to tell me and then, I just forgot xD

I will try to solve things on my own, so I ease that depersonalization a bit. I hope I can do it :) I have no therapist, but maybe the man I've met will help me to heal slowly, even if our relationship lasts short :) maybe that's the beginning I've needed.

 

[scout86]

I will try to solve things on my own,

Good luck. But don't give up on the idea of outside help. The responses you've gotten so far sound horrible, but they also sound wrong. What ever the cause is, it was enough to create you're issues and it had to be real. You deserve to get help with it. (It's really hard to do alone.) A doctor or therapist who understands how trauma works wouldn't have responded to you differently.

And, by all means hang around here! :)

 

[Deleted member 42783]

36. Gotta say I'm a little surprised. Answered questions very conservatively.