Strange Symptom?

[his_swallow]

I have a very worn kitchen floor in the house that I rent - it has deep scuff marks from a previous tenant, the result being that the floor, no matter how much I clean it, looks dirty. It has been making me really upset - to the extent that I have issues with not wanting to deal with the floor because it is too stressful since I can't actually make it look nice (and I am not a fussy housekeeper at the moment). I finally asked the landlord if he could replace the flooring. Fortunately, he said that yes, he could so I am excited about that.

Is this something that others have experienced? The house is, on occasion, falling down around my ears and I don't care but that floor was making me so upset!

 

[anni]

Hi H.S,

I though I'd answer because it occured to me what the situation would be if it were my floor and my rented house. :) I'd have to say it would be the dam PTSD. The symptoms for me would be judgement and avoidance, so nothing strange for a PTSD sufferer. I'd no doubt fixate on the floor because if it looked dirty WELL, people would think I was a terrible housekeepr, which in my PTSD afflicted head translates into being an all-around general scum bucket. When it became clear that the thing needed to be replaced, it would make me even more crazy because I'd rather eat a live chicken than actually ask the landlord to replace it. He'd probably would think it a perfectly normal request but for me it would involve the use of a phone and the possibility of rejection, judgement and confrontation. I'd then clean it till the floor boards showed, then not deal with it at all.


So no, I don't think it's at all a strange symptom. :) I think you did really well to have the floor replaced. If it were my home, I'd probably be out buying throw rugs to cover up the old one!

Take care,

Anni

 

[his_swallow]

You have explained exactly how I feel! It has taken me months to ask for a new floor and believe me, I seriously considered throw rugs but couldn't figure out how to do that and still have it look good. Fortunately, my landlord is great about allowing me to do things to the house (he won't let me paint yet but in time I am hoping to convince him) including tearing out carpeting that was smelling in the warmer months and making me want to cry with frustration to reveal the beautiful hardwood flooring underneath. I knew that he was likely to do it so I am glad that I overcame my fears and anxieties.

I feel so understood now. Thank you :)

 

[anni]

:)
It's funny how we can verbalize things here, isn't it? We can speak of some concept, and someone writes back and says WHOA! That's what I think!

You're original post made me smile NOT of course because it was at all funny, but because i could see myself going through the exact same processes and fixations all for that stupid floor!!!

Yes, rugs wouldn't cover all of it, and we'd still be a scum bucket trying to hide our dirty floor, I know. :)

Take care- and thanks for posting cos it's always cool to be able to RELATE to other's PTSD dreck. It just helps!

Anni

 

[cat]

Hi HS

Thank you for starting this thread. Anni has explained this so clearly & I can relate to everything she has said. I would rather struggle & do something on my own rather than ask for help, especially if it means ringing someone, as the fear of their rejection is more than I can handle especially if I can't see their facial reaction to me asking. More often than not I will just avoid doing the things I need help with.

It's very comforting to know there are others battling with this. Has anyone found any good coping strategies for asking for help?