General Stress And Cognition...

[Deleted member 17302]

Recently the stress of the situation with the woman who was my fiancee has caused some interesting effects on my ability to process things logically. Considering I do not have PTSD (I don't think I have it at least...) and the stress has screwed with my ability to keep a stable perception of what is going on and what I should do, it seems like a tiny tiny window into what those that have PTSD might experience during their episodes caused by stress. When stressed it seems that you can get pretty upset which causes you to see things in a negative light and thus act on it negatively as if you are pretty dang angry. Then the anger drains you and you become a bit less energetic which causes a bit of kindness and perceive things a bit friendlier which makes you feel more friendly acting. The situations are the same, but the perceptions float quite a bit. You act on perceptions so that makes a lot of sense that you get that rage and such. Everyone has been depressed at one time as well so it is understandable that you can't see things in the same way and pull back when feeling that way.

Considering it is only a tiny bit of these things are seen during stressful situations for people without trauma causing it, I imagine that PTSD feels quite a bit like a nightmare that you can't seem to stabilize very easily. Emotions are driven by chemicals in the body which have to be processed and are not something that can be removed by logic alone but by being able to cope better so as to not have the emotions triggered with such intensity.

I have a stress condition that took me years to figure out how to stay somewhat stable with but it doesn't cause nightmare effects in life. Just some strange effects. So it seems that PTSD is much more scary than I would have imagined it being to have.

I've seen the terror in the woman I was engaged to when she was in her more lucid state of mind. She said she could feel the shifts and couldn't really control it very well. Terror like knowing at any moment your real personality was going to be taken away by something you can't get rid of by just thinking it away.

At one time I had to take a pain medicine for a few weeks. It made me super moody and I could feel it happening but couldn't really change it because it changed how I was seeing things which made it pretty hard to act any differently. Sort of like walking on unstable ground would make you feel unstable but you still would have to try to grapple with the shifts to stay upright. You wouldn't be super stable, but you would be alive still and upright.

This is not to say PTSD should not be worked on by those suffering from it, but knowing tiny bits of what it may feel like, it seems a lot more understandable how difficult it must be to do things about it on your own or even with people you care about.

I would like to say that during the times when you could be stable enough to get help, that is the time to jump on it and do something about it before the next shift comes where you are just trying to stay ok. It seems a lot like if you were in debt and unemployed. You have to fix one problem before you can get to the next. You have to get employed before paying off the debt much like you have to get to a stable point before you can actually know or aquire the help you need because otherwise you are just falling down.

It would be nice if there was a free or home version of EMDR therapy and other PTSD treatments a person could utilize other than just reading a book. You can read a book on how to play a guitar, but playing it is much different similarly to reading about what is going on with the PTSD and how treatment for it can work.

These are just some observations. No idea if this is going to be useful or not to anyone but figured it couldn't hurt to share.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes that's kind of an interesting way to look at it. I would also agree that no, it can't just be 'thought out', there are more chemical & neurological troubles taking place than even you've mentioned, and (but) unfortunately 'working on it' usually feels worse (originally). And it's entirely exhausting mentally, physically & emotionally (JMHO). And it takes a lot of effort every day. Thank you though for being so kind though.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Yes that's kind of an interesting way to look at it. I would also agree that no, it can't just be 'though...

The only way we can truly be useful is to try to see the same perspectives of those that we are trying to care for and about.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree @mr_smith_v2 , understanding helps more & harms less.

I do agree that ptsd screws up perceptions. But what's lousy is, perception is 99% reality. And if you can't separate (or trust your own judgment) on what is true, or the best to do, it's very difficult. I learned too, the reference to 'amygdala hijacking' (the fight/ flight/ freeze response evoked), that a person just can't think during those moments.

The lousy part about, 'is it ptsd or not?', is that does it change the end result?

 

[Casey_03]

This is very thoughtful and it's clear you are trying very hard to understand what your fiance is going through. But I have to stress once again that by looking at what she is going through as a "PTSD episode" rather than the grief of losing her only child in an absolutely horrific way, you're missing the point entirely. I may be wrong, but if I were in her position and you said something to me about me experiencing a PTSD episode when I've made it clear I'm grieving, I'd freak the hell out and probably never talk to you again. (Fortunately for you, I am not her, but I hope this can give you some insight on how she might be seeing things right now). Why? Because describing something as profound as the grief of a child as a PTSD episode, you trivialize it, you invalidate everything she is feeling. It's belittling and condescending. She lost her only child at a very young age -- and in a terrible, terrible way that will have her experiencing gut-wrenching guilt for the rest of her life. That is something that many people never ever come back from. She needs to hate herself right now and punish herself. That is a primal need. It's not just an episode. Anybody without PTSD would behave the same way. Have you grieved the loss of your daughter yet? I mean, really grieved? I know that sometimes the stronger person has to put on a brave face and say they are okay, but maybe you need to reflect on this tragedy yourself as well? Maybe that is what your fiance wants? Not for you to be the strong one telling her to shake herself out of this "episode," but for you to show how much pain this has caused you as well. She may see your behavior as denial, and she may need you to open up about how much guilt and grief you feel. I hope this makes sense, and I hope I didn't sound too harsh. I know you are just trying to understand.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

This is very thoughtful and it's clear you are trying very hard to understand what your fiance is going...

She was having flashbacks, flipping between I love you please stay and I hate you please die, and telling me she is having the attacks and couldn't stabilize it and that she needed help again and wanted to even have me watch her take the pills so she wouldn't end up that way again.

Yes grief is there and what is triggering her stress levels to spike which in turn causes the flashbacks and episodes and that stress just keeps amping it up. I'm not falsely equating this.

 

[Casey_03]

But maybe you should try to focus on grief as the cause of this all then? From what you've described, she's made it quite clear that she wants to grieve the loss of her daughter. I just think describing her situation as a "PTSD episode" trivializes what she is going through and ignores the causes behind it. As a sufferer myself, when I have been triggered by traumatic experiences and people close to me tried to describe my behavior as an episode, it made things a million times worse. It's like denying the trauma ever happened. I'm not saying you are denying the trauma ever happened, but is it possible that she feels like you are? It does seem like you're really determined to view this more as PTSD than grief. Sure, maybe the symptoms she is experiencing are typical of PTSD, but at the root of this all is the death of her daughter, no? Didn't she say that herself? I mean, in trauma therapy the whole point is to get you to deal with the actual trauma, which in this case is the death of her daughter.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

But maybe you should try to focus on grief as the cause of this all then? From what you've described, s...

I'm always there for her when she's hurting and try to talk about the grief with her. Can't have trauma reaction without the cause. Helping work through the cause while helping knowing how the ptsd works has to be done at same time. To ignore the grief would be pointless. They go together.

 

[joeylittle]

It would be nice if there was a free or home version of EMDR therapy and other PTSD treatments a person could utilize other than just reading a book.

There's a good reason we don't have a completely DIY therapy modality for PTSD - it actually requires the observations and adjustments of the clinician.

Prolonged Exposure therapy is closest, I believe, to something you can do nearly on your own.

the stress has screwed with my ability to keep a stable perception of what is going on and what I should do, it seems like a tiny tiny window into what those that have PTSD might experience during their episodes caused by stress. When stressed it seems that you can get pretty upset which causes you to see things in a negative light and thus act on it negatively as if you are pretty dang angry. Then the anger drains you and you become a bit less energetic which causes a bit of kindness and perceive things a bit friendlier which makes you feel more friendly acting.

Not quite. People with PTSD have damage to their brains. As you say, any human being can experience negative effects from stress. But symptoms are not at all the same thing as negative effects. They have a life of their own, and are not always rooted only in cognition.

I'm one of the biggest believers in the power of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that you will ever find- and I put a great, great deal of stock in how we can help ourselves manage certain kinds of symptoms using those modalities. But - and it's a big 'but' - symptoms tend to express in multiples. It's like the difference between 2-d and 3-d tic-tac-toe. More variables, more complexity, less linear control.

 

[Chava]

I feel like I'm missing big parts of the story here, but yes, in short, the cognitive parts of the brain do dimmer down or go "offline" under great stress. Survival mode, etc. In the face of major life threat "thinking" about what to do isn't generally helpful...to body just reacts. Fight/flight. When not actually experiencing the life threat (PTSD after the trauma, or other forms of high stress) it gets very disorganized in there. I'm sure great stress of loss is similar in terms of stress, but it's also separate from PTSD trauma (and yet sometimes these do go together or overlap). With major loss, there will be some healing over time, but it really takes time. Also, if the loss of a child, all kinds of structures of life and self get disorganized. So there is the loss, the grief, and all kinds of other forms of inner turmoil. Best to keep things simple for quite a while. And gentle caring structure, support, or containment where helpful.