Structure Helps My Anxiety But I Hate It!

[GhostedGirl]

I grew up in a neglectful home. There were obvious downsides to it, but I experienced a huge amount of freedom that I became accustom to. Basic things like meal times, bedtime, just living life on a schedule was unknown to me. Because of that I think I've had a really difficult time adjusting to having a structured adult life.

And yet I've found that structure actually gives me a lot of inner peace and sense of well being. I find my usual lackadaisical approach often causes me a lot of anxiety and fretting, and that can lead to burnout that destroys any progress I've made. I've missed deadlines and given up on important projects just due to being burned out or overwhelmed.

So why, given how helpful this structure is, do I hate it so much? Why do I resist it constantly? I feel like just a spoiled child. It's so ridiculous! I know it must be because it's different and I'm used to more freedom but my old way of doing things just isn't helpful. I can't afford to be making those kinds of mistakes in my 30s.

Does anyone else experience this? Is there anyway of overcoming it?

 

[Friday]

I actually have a competing disorder in this area... ADHD means I have no interior sense of structure, and have to create it, externally. However, it also means I am incredibly impulsive, and "looking before I leap" is a learned skill I have to apply consciously, it never comes unbidden. So even though I have to create my own external structure, I will never follow it to the letter, because something will always, always, always come up. :roflmao: But it was shiny! :facepalm: Add in my own brand of paranoia? Soft targets. Ugh. (Aka predictable schedules).

So I've got 3 pieces running here: ADHD, PTSD, Learned distrust of predictability. How do I square those? (When I'm doing well) Blocking time. I create blocks of time during the day, and inside those blocks of time I can slot in any routine I happen to feel like. I may have 40 different routines that can go into any slot (more, to be completely honest, I have roughly 40 exercise routines, alone)... Which lets me vary my day to my hearts content, and yet still have the grounding & balance & no-thinking-required that the routines themselves bring me.

I started ^^^ (on purpose) after my son was born... Because babies naturally block time. There's 1st wake, 1st nap, 2nd wake, 2nd nap, 3rd wake, bedtime.

That just ended up making waaaaay more sense to me that "At work" & "Everything Else" :confused: And it lets me Tetris my days together in a way that is soothing to all my conflicting need/wants.

...

As a note, that's when I'm doing well. When I'm doing badly? I have no sense of time. I generally have to start out *extremely* slowly. Just 1 thing. First, just 1 thing a week, if I'm doing very badly. 1 thing a day, is much better. Even if it's "just" eating, or showering. Today? I did 1 thing. And that's enough. And do it again tomorrow. Once that one thing is solid? Happening every day? Regardless of where in the day, I'll add another. Eating and showering. Eating, showering, exercising. Eating, showering, exercising, fun. Etc. Until I start to build up mini-routines, and they stop being my 1 thing, but are my baseline. Once I've got mini-routines going? Then I can start blocking time and moving stuff around. This whole process something I had to start from "go" a couple years ago, and I'm still not there, yet. Too much chaos. Too much lost time. But the more I chip away at it? The easier it becomes.

My general order of events = Needs, Wants, Shoulds.

 

[screen-name]

I wasn't watched very well as a child either and had a lot of freedom. I also HATE a schedule. I have found a middle ground. I write out what I need to do for the week at work or around the house. Then I assign days to the things and whether or not they are in the morning or afternoon. As long as I get them done in the bigger time frame then it's successful, but it gives me the freedom to do different task when I feel more like doing them and I procrastinate much less on big things.

It's simply not procrastinating and letting things build up that gives me a sense of peace. I know at the end of the day I accomplished what was needed, even if I took an extra 30 minutes at lunch to brows a store.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow, yes, never thought of it that way, the freedom.

I guess I do feel the same, as per hating structure (maybe because of that? :wideeyed: ), but needing it desperately.

 

[screen-name]

Wow, yes, never thought of it that way, the freedom.

I guess I do feel the same, as per hating structur...

I guess I was trying to say that you may need structure but do you need structure that looks like the average person's? Maybe you can find your own rhythm and still get the same benefits. Perhaps it's the particular schedule you hate and not the actual structure?

 

[Tinyflame]

@screen-name I can't quote your whole post above this one or I would, as I totally agree with it, & yes I both 'like' structure (in that I have so much that much get done), & 'need' it in so far as at times I can get totally lost without it (another awful feeling ;( ). (I mean feel even literally 'lost'. )

I think your particular way is brilliant, & it's very wise I think to say to do what works for each person. Finding that way is hard but I think it might contribute to more strength/ less symptoms. Thank you.

Also, a kind person on here & I were talking about how we (all people/ ptsd) might need to take breaks/ give ourselves permission to not process 'stuff'. Or get away, in the sense of knowing our own systems, & dealing with them accordingly.

 

[Go Hungry]

Heya. I found that structuring my time was very very useful. I didn't have a great deal as a child either, other than school, church and eventually work. But in between, there was nothing. I mostly just read. As an adult though, that fell apart. So a few years back I started adding structure in and it worked great. But I've fallen from it now. I largely just sit around smoking and neglecting things. I guess I need to get back in the habit.