Undiagnosed Struggling After A Home Invasion

[jane08]

Hi, don't even know if I'm in the right place but am hoping someone can identify with what's happening to us.

Me and my family were recently the victims of an aggravated burglary at our home. A gang of men in balaclavas kicked our front door in and robbed us at knifepoint, we had a fairly good idea who did it as there is a gang in our area who are known for doing this. The police arrested one of them but couldn't make any charges stick so they are still at large but fortunately our housing association arranged an emergency transfer for us so we're no longer living in the same area.

We haven't moved that far though and I have seen one of the men recently in town. This seems to have dragged eveything up and I'm now having nightmares and lying in bed listening for every noise and reliving what happened over and over again. My 4 year old daughter is also having nightmares (waking up shouting no and sounding very scared) and although she's not specifically saying they're about the burglary she doesn't normally have nightmares so I'm assuming that's what's bothering her too.

It's all still fairly recent, about six weeks since it happened and I expect it's all a fairly normal reaction but I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it and try and help myself and my daughter get over it. I'm barely going out unless my husband is with me and feel scared even then, I'm obsessively locking and checking doors and spend the first hour after going to bed reliving what happened and planning out what I will do if they come back to the point where my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest and I'm drenched in sweat. Will these feelings fade with time and is there anything I can do to speed up the process? I just don't feel I have any coping strategies for this, for myself or my little girl, nothing like this has ever happened to me before and I just feel useless.

 

[RdeC]

Hi Jane what you are experiencing are the normal reactions to what was without doubt a traumatic event given the circumstances. Symptoms usually do take some time to begin (delayed onset) and it would appear you are suffering from sever anxiety - which is hardly surprising. Your daughter's symptoms are very worrying and indicate she has been significantly effected by this aggravated burglary.

It would therefore be a sensible precaution to make an appointment for both you and your daughter with your GP so that they are aware of the problems you are having and can organise any appropriate treatment / support.

In the meantime, do not blame yourself for what you are feeling or the effects it has had upon your family - the heartless criminals responsible are solely to blame and with any luck they will be brought to justice sooner rather than later.

I'm sure you will discover a great deal of support on this site for your plight. Take care, stay strong.

 

[jane08]

Thank you, it's good to hear what's happening is relatively normal at least, haven't registered with a GP yet but will get onto that today, think I knew seeing the doc was my next step just needed someone to give me a shove! My daughter is worrying me the most tbh, hate the thought that she had to go through something so awful and I couldn't protect her from it, she talks about 'the nasty men' quite a bit and I try my best to reassure her that we're safe at the new house and they're not going to come back but she's obviously still scared. Guilt is playing a big part in how I feel, know what happened wasn't my fault but can't help but feel I failed her, sounds stupid but even feel guilty about the dog. Poor thing had been neutered the day it happened and we'd stayed up late to give him some tlc or we would've been in bed when they broke in, he ended up stuck up the side of the tumble dryer he was so scared, he's only young and is very nervous since it happened, feel like I let him down too. Sorry I'm rambling a bit now but haven't really had anyone to talk to about this so it's all coming out now!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[arfie]

I have yet to hear a clear definition of when normal post traumatic stress passes over into the disorder. I am not sure any such exists. Maybe right here while you are attempting to process residual stresses of a severe trauma? Who knows? Think I'll just let that mystery be.

For sure this is a good place for the dialogue. Have you talked to a trauma counselor? Could help.
So or no, Welcome to the forum.

 

[Overcast]

I understand exactly how you felt. I did some of the same things after I was violently robbed by gunpoint. What helped me was seeing a counselor. I would try to find one that specializes in trauma. Check and see if your state has a victim advocate so they can help with some of the costs. Another thing that helped me was taking taekwondo. Even though the skills I learned would not have been useful during my attack it helped me get past my fear of going out again. I do not know how old your daughter is but it might help her as well. Remember you are alive and survived this awful attack so you kept yourself safe and made wise choices during the event.

 

[jane08]

Thanks for your replies, my daughter is almost 5 and funnily enough I've been considering martial arts classes for us both for a while now, even before this happened. Think you're right, it might help with confidence, just need to get to the point where I feel up to taking on a new challenge, am at an all-time low atm. Will speak to the doc about the trauma counselling too, have just felt paralysed up to now, think I'm still in shock tbh, would never have thought this could happen to us in a million years. Thanks again for all the advice, feel better just talking to someone about it x

 

[jane08]

What you said about having made wise choices during the event Overcast, I even feel guilty about that because I begged the ringleader to let me go upstairs to my daughter. Couldn't bear the thought of her being scared and me not being there and two of the men had gone straight upstairs so I was terrified what may be happening, but that meant leaving my husband downstairs with four armed men and he took a bit of a beating so I feel bad about that now too, can't win whichever way I look at it I feel guilty!

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

 

[RdeC]

Feeling guilt is common but is entirely inappropriate as you are all blameless. Only the thieving bastards are to blame - if they hadn't broken in and treated this way, the problem would not exist. Of course, it's easy for me to say this but you must also learn to say to yourself every time you think it it. I'm glad you're going to see a GP - that is the gateway to more tailored support. Let us know how you get on.