Struggling with Denial from Abusive Father

[Compass307]

Hi everyone, back again. Sadly, I’ve been experiencing some pretty extreme symptoms and I feel like I’m struggling to hang on. But, I know I’ll be okay.. it’s just hard now.

To start- my father is my abuser. And he has continued to deny his role in my history up until this point. I recently had a confrontation with him about how he has no issue letting everyone in the family think I’m the liar.. the crazy one.

This has been so hard and I’m not sure how to process or what I need. I reached out to my therapist but I feel bad for doing so. I just don’t know where to really go from here! It feels very lonely.

 

[Rose White]

I thought this thread was going to be about your own denial.

he has continued to deny his role in my history up until this point. I recently had a confrontation with him

Pretty typical for abusers to deny their role in someone’s trauma. Do you need to be around him and talking to him?

 

[arfie]

on my own recovery road, another person's denial has little or no bearing on my own healing. trusting my therapy network --most especially my therapist-- gets me much further than the inner workings of the people who hurt me.

but that is me and every case is unique.
steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[Compass307]

I thought this thread was going to be about your own denial.

Pretty typical for abusers to deny their role in someone’s trauma. Do you need to be around him and talking to him?

The rest of my family stands with him. So it makes it difficult to never cross paths… I distance as much as possible. It just infuriates me. That lack of accountability. My therapist hasn’t been as available as I was hoping. Which I understand to some degree. I don’t know what my expectation is/was. It just all feels like a lot with no way out.

 

[Movingforward10]

The rest of my family stands with him. So it makes it difficult to never cross paths… I distance as much as possible. It just infuriates me. That lack of accountability. My therapist hasn’t been as available as I was hoping. Which I understand to some degree. I don’t know what my expectation is/was. It just all feels like a lot with no way out.

How brave of you to stand up to him. And how cowardly for him to lie. And how disappointing (not a strong enough word) that your family believe his lies. Shows how good he is at manipulating. Which abusers are excellent at as it allows them to abuse.

I'm sorry about all this for you.
And it's not surprising it's rocked you.

He is never going to admit his guilt.
And if your family don't see the situation (they didn't back then, they don't now), then it's unlikely that will change either.
It's a huge burden to bear that you are the only one in your family facing the truth. It is a lot.

You say it feels like no way out? Can you explain that more? Does that mean in terms of having relationships with your family?

 

[Compass307]

How brave of you to stand up to him. And how cowardly for him to lie. And how disappointing (not a strong enough word) that your family believe his lies. Shows how good he is at manipulating. Which abusers are excellent at as it allows them to abuse.

I'm sorry about all this for you.
And it's not surprising it's rocked you.

He is never going to admit his guilt.
And if your family don't see the situation (they didn't back then, they don't now), then it's unlikely that will change either.
It's a huge burden to bear that you are the only one in your family facing the truth. It is a lot.

You say it feels like no way out? Can you explain that more? Does that mean in terms of having relationships with your family?

Thank you for your kind words and follow up. I just feel trapped here— if I had the means I would take myself and my children and we would move far away. We live in a separate town but I rely on my mother for support with my kids. I don’t have the financial stability to fully take that piece over and hire help. It’s a hopeless feeling.