Relationship Suicide Attempt

[Bfab]

My bf asked to be alone this weekend but we kept in contact through texts daily and nothing seemed odd in communication. Yesterday he asked to spend the day together and he was in a great mood. Before going to bed, he has his gun out and I asked if it's loaded, he says not to worry because the safety is on. He said he knew it was on because he put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger over the weekend. I can't even remember how I responded because I was in shock. Before we went to sleep, I told him I didn't want to lose him. He said he want going anywhere. I can't stop thinking about it and if there is something more I should do. As a supporter what should I do knowing he made a suicide attempt? I feel like it was a cry for help.

 

[Stickler]

Ok, I'm thinking he pulled the trigger with the safety on. Which is a suicidal gesture and very dangerous.
But he knew it was on.
I am not saying that this is not a cry for help, I think it is.

 

[Bfab]

@Stickler I'm sure he knew the safety was on. After he told me, I did ask if he knew it was on. He said he did and he just did it to let out his frustrations and that he'd done it before. (I'm paraphrasing). I just feel like he told me this for a reason but I don't know what to do now.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's kind of para-suicidal behaviour, the way you've described it (not sure if that's the accurate term). Not sure how fair it is to drop it on you though. :( I'm not sure what to say. How long have you been together, & your ages? Who or what else is going on, & who has ptsd?

 

[Seasounds]

From what you have shared, I'm sure your boyfriend knows you care. You are good to be concerned, and wise to see the game of 'russian roulette'', and a cry to help. I share the following so you know that you are not over-reacting. I lost a friend from a similar situation; on the other hand, my brother lived through his version of this risky behavior.

From my experience, there is discernment needed in these situations: you can your local Criss Line, and confirm the best actions to take. This is what I know, for my state.

• If your friend is of immediate danger to himself or others, you can call 911.
• if your friend is not of immediate danger, you can offer to take him to get help, urge him speak to a counselor, instruct him to call the Crisis Line.
• If he will not go to get help, there is not much to do but wait until the next attempt.
• At the next imminent attempt-then you can call 911, and the medical team will assess him after he gets to the Emergency Department.
• Where I live, there is a person called the County Designated Mental Health Professional, who gets called in, to decide if the person is suicidal and if the hospital can legally put a 72 hour hold on him-hospitalize him for 3 days.m for observation and evaluation.
  
• If he tells you he has a plan, call 911.
• Since he is your boyfriend, you can judge if he is open to talking to you. If he is resistant, I would respect his boundary. You are in a position to decide whether or not you contact his friends or family.

Meanwhile, SEEK SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF; the Crisis Line, Alanon, your friends, your church, post on this site. Even though you care for him, as an adult, you are not responsible for his condition.

This can be really hard; but to get free of the cycle of fear and tension you can get in, try to take space; this action may actually help him. You are not to blame. HIS internal world is overwhelming him.

While you let him know you care, take care of yourself; cling to those who are calm, kind, and consistent. Since you can not control him, you can direct yourself towards support.

 

[UniqueSunflower]

Depending on where you are, I would research your community's crisis services and let someone know the behaviors you've been observing in him. There may be a mobile team where can send someone out to meet with him and they could possibly offer suggestions or have authorities assist in removing the weapon from his possession. If he's actively suicidal and engaging in these gestures, it would be good to get some professional assistance in creating a safety plan.

 

[Bfab]

@Junebug We've only been together 6 months and we're in our 30s. He has combat PTSD. I'm not awareHis Dr. determined he was over medicated a few weeks ago and he is not consistent with taking the medications. There could be personal things going on that he has not shared.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you. Yes maybe from the meds/ stopping the meds as well.

 

[Bfab]

@Vandya and @UniqueSunflower Thanks for that advice. I can usually get him to open up. I think it's a great idea to see if we can create a safety plan if he feels that way again.

 

[joeylittle]

@Bfab - this must be very scary for you.

You mention that he's seeing a doctor/therapist. Personally, I would recommend that you

• Ask your boyfriend if he's told his therapist about putting the gun in his mouth to relieve tension. I'm going to guess the answer will be "no".
• Ask him how he'd feel about handing all the ammo over to you for safe-keeping. If that goes well, you can try and ask for the gun. If he says "no", don't push on it at all. It's a long shot but always is worth an ask.
• Call his doctor and fill him in on the whole story - regardless of whether your boyfriend says he's told the doc about it or not. You can write it up and fax it, hand-deliver it, tell the doc it's vital info. The Doctor won't be able to tell you anything in return; that's ok. The point is getting the info to someone else.

It's extreme parasuicidal behavior, and it's got quite a high threat assessment level because of the immediate lethality of the method.

Be prepared for him to be a little - or a lot - angry with you. But 99% of the time, the psychology here is that he wants someone to know, because he wants someone to intervene - but he has no idea how to set off that chain of events, and is possibly so ashamed about wanting help that he will do everything to avoid it.

The 'cry for help' is a very real thing. You can't put yourself in the position to be handling this fully on your own.

Enlisting his doctor is high-priority. Staying calm will go a long way. And absolutely, call a crisis line and talk with someone just for yourself.

It's actually - ultimately - a very positive sign that he told you about it. It does mean he wants help, and just doesn't at all know how to get it.