bellbird
MyPTSD Pro
Hey, @osiris , I'm here with you too.
I battled with suicidal ideation every day for years. It was so utterly consuming and painful and draining, and something I never thought I would live without.
Hanging on, when part (or all) of you just wants to let go in the most definite sense --- hanging on through all of that is one of the bravest things that you will ever do, and I can assure you, that it will be worth it.
Because one day, you'll wake up, and instead of that suffocating overwhelm of SI, you'll find in its place something different --- contentment at being alive, perhaps even joy, or perhaps even indifference on occasions.
Sure, that day isn't Today, for you. But don't take that as a reason that it will never happen.
It didn't happen for me, for so many days, until it did. And I never ever ever thought it would happen for me.
To let go now is to forgo experiencing that. And I want, so truly, for you to experience that.
Suicide has a bad (though well-deserved) reputation for preventing us from seeing other options that are actually there.
There is always another option. Takes a little while for us to find it sometimes, or maybe for another to hold up a lantern and help us to search, but it's always there.
I haven't caught up on your trauma diary, and am not sure what supports are like for you IRL, but you've only been on this forum for a week and yet already have a bunch of us who would just be so absolutely shattered if you let go now.
Please keep holding on.
You can do this.
You really can.
You are stronger than you realise.
I battled with suicidal ideation every day for years. It was so utterly consuming and painful and draining, and something I never thought I would live without.
Hanging on, when part (or all) of you just wants to let go in the most definite sense --- hanging on through all of that is one of the bravest things that you will ever do, and I can assure you, that it will be worth it.
Because one day, you'll wake up, and instead of that suffocating overwhelm of SI, you'll find in its place something different --- contentment at being alive, perhaps even joy, or perhaps even indifference on occasions.
Sure, that day isn't Today, for you. But don't take that as a reason that it will never happen.
It didn't happen for me, for so many days, until it did. And I never ever ever thought it would happen for me.
To let go now is to forgo experiencing that. And I want, so truly, for you to experience that.
Suicide has a bad (though well-deserved) reputation for preventing us from seeing other options that are actually there.
There is always another option. Takes a little while for us to find it sometimes, or maybe for another to hold up a lantern and help us to search, but it's always there.
I haven't caught up on your trauma diary, and am not sure what supports are like for you IRL, but you've only been on this forum for a week and yet already have a bunch of us who would just be so absolutely shattered if you let go now.
Please keep holding on.
You can do this.
You really can.
You are stronger than you realise.