General Support Our Vets...oh No, You Deserve Better!

[Pretty Hurts]

i've grown a little cynical when i read posts on my social media encouraging people to support our troops/vets or thanking them for their service in a grand way. i feel they only think as far as posting a meme, or thank you to a service(wo)man they know personally, donating some money or time.

but the same people making all this fuss would be the same ones telling me "you should just leave him alone!", "you deserve better!" or even turn their back on me because i choose to stick around and see if this relationship is worth standing by him.

everyone wants to support the troops/vets, but no one wants to take the time to understand how their loved one could possibly want to get up close and personal or love them through ptsd. people suffering with ptsd are not throw away people....i just had to get that off my chest. thanks....

 

[Redhead75]

Yep, I agree. There's this thing to human nature that condemns others for choosing their own relationship path, not wanting to see someone they love go through pain and suffering. I get that, too.

It's difficult to watch someone we love choose the hard route, sticking through (sometimes) hell with a vet with ptsd. When it's misunderstood, the symptoms can be very frightening. But as I've seen many wise souls on here explain, every vet is different. For that matter, every person is different. Every set of expectations is different. Support of a veteran does not, and should not stop with cute memes and heart wrenching quotes! Yeesh...

There are hard lines to draw as a supporter, but those are fairly obvious (anything you'd leave from a "normal" relationship: abuse). The day to day in-between is what you have to make personal choices about. You must already know this, too well. Sometimes it helps our families and loved ones know that you realize the differences between sticking it out, and those boundaries that cross over into "not acceptable". They may just need to know that you're not going to lose yourself in the process.

The best analogy I can think of when dealing with other people on this subject is, would they leave their partner if he or she were suffering from a visible illness such as cancer or MS? Well hell no! That would be deplorable. "He's just selfish, it's in his head, and isn't even missing a leg!" Seriously? I've actually replied with, "Yes, I'm glad you've successfully located the area of his anatomy where his suffering lies."

Unfortunately (not assuming this applies to your situation), there exist a special breed of people who truly believe that any illness or suffering of the mind from ptsd to bi-polar disorder can be overcome permanently with positive thinking, medication, and therapy. Yes it helps, and is wise to follow through with. If it were that easy to make it just clear up like a case of bad acne, believe me, my guy and a few of my friends would have taken the magical pill years ago. It doesn't just go "poof"!

It's a matter of choice to be there, putting in the work, as you would for any other relationship in life. Setting boundaries for yourself, staying educated, and not changing the good things about you in the process. I think that's the best piece of advice my man has ever given me. "Don't change."

 

[Sighs]

My vet's own children post memes on social media on Anzac Day and Remembrance Day but do they telephone their father? Hell no.

 

[Neverthesame]

I don't really know many. Other than on here.

Both of my grandfather's were vets. But they are long gone now. Both of them peacetime. One was stationed in Germany after the war. I don't know much about his career, he died of cancer when I was 6 or 7.

The other was a mess sergeant who did a bit of UN stuff in Cyprus and Egypt. Hell of a good cook. He died of Alzheimer's about 2 years ago.

I did have a family member who, looking back now, probably had combat ptsd. Didn't know it then.

He was part of the allied invasion of Europe. Landed on Gold beach (I think, can't confirm it sadly. No one on that side of the family will even speak of him... Yeah, disgusting I know.) He was the older brother to the grandfather that died of cancer.

While on the beach he was hit by a fire from a German machine gun. Lost a leg as a result.

I only met him a couple of times, I was 4 years old. Terrified me. It wasn't because he was missing a limb, (which looked very strange to 4 year old me) but because he was a miserable violent drunk. I don't blame him, but at 4 years old. You aren't going to like anyone who screams at you for.... I don't even remember why.

I always wondered how his life would have turned out, had he been able to access the kind of help available today. (even though it is still sorely lacking)

 

[Sighs]

One Anzac Day we were at the memorial. My vet was talking to a buddy, both of them with chests dripping with medals. The local school children were there and the teacher was taking their photograph in front of the memorial. I walked over and told her that the memorial would be there every day - how about she send the children over to thank the vets in person? I got a shrug and they went back to taking photographs of the kids sitting smiling in front of the memorial. WTF?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I always hold my breath on Veterens Day and count the minutes until it's over. It's one of the roughest days of the year for my vet. He tends to get it with both barrels because he is visibly disabled. Everybody waves the flag on that one day... What about the rest of the year?

 

[Cavegirl]

This post really resonated with me.

My dad, who was in the military and suffers from non-combat PTSD warned me to "be careful" when he found out about my Marine and I's friendship.

My dad is VERY pro military and VERY supportive of vets so this surprised me. I love my dad and he has PTSD. So, why should I go out of my way to avoid a man just because he has PTSD? Crap, I have PTSD.

My marine also hates Veteren's Day. And REALLY hates being referred to as a hero. It makes me sad how our vets are forgotten. Really sad. People don't know the price they not only gave but continue to give everyday.