Symptom Check From Sufferers

[Finitude]

Hey, everyone.

Got a few questions relating to symptoms.
First of all, I've lived all of my childhood with seeing one of my family member being beaten, threatened and attempted killed from a very early age. I do not live at home and am curious as to what I am experiencing.

I've been "diagnosed" with psychosis not long ago, due to hearing auditory hallucinations sometimes - and these come as whispering voices (not audible voices) when under stress or when stressful environmental sounds appear (loud house fan, loud raining, etc.).

I cannot remember what has happened the day before today, the hour before this hour - other than fragmentations.

I've become a nihilist and reject the existence of any meaning in life and any human values (beauty, evil, good, heroism, cowardice, egocentricity, eccentricity and so on).

I sometimes change personality consciously, where I see myself as the person who abused my family member, or I see myself as a very weak person (an imbecile) or a very tough person - and this happens often.

I daydream constantly, every minute of every hour of every day, about everything from being another person to 'what if this happened' and other things.

I cannot see objects properly.. I can see things with my eyes, but I can't remember what I'm seeing, or be properly conscious of it.

I get extremely depressed (not felt) if I have to do any tasks--I am unable to do daily tasks such as those required when studying at a university.

I sometimes, if very lucky, get in touch with my emotions.. where I feel what I felt as a young child, such as being abandoned, near death, everything is dark and shallow and so on.
And I also cannot feel any emotions - no fear, no happiness, no joy, no peace, no anger, all neutral.. I constantly show signs of fear, such as tightening my legs and getting high hearbeats, but fear I do not feel.

 

[Finitude]

I should mention that I never go outside - I have no friends and don't intent to ever have any.
I could also possibly be described as lacking a personality as per the meaning of not having any confidence or relationship desires.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello,

Do you have PTSD? You didn't actually mention that in your post.

Are you seeing a therapist or have any support like that?

Best wishes.

 

[Finitude]

No, I haven't been diagnosed yet with PTSD - that's why I'm here. Not seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. It works like this in my country, that you will only receive such a person if you meet either of these criteria: you're suicidal, violent, or can kill someone. Since I don't meet any of those criteria, I can't actually see anyone about these problems.
I can get myself locked in at a mental hospital and get filled with pills I don't have any need for, with people running around me as if I was a child - but I don't desire this, nor do anyone else, I assume.

The problem with being unable to see the environment (a sort of sense distortion) - that is what I am especially wanting to hear whether it's common for people with PTSD.
I did read the diagnostics on this state of mind and I do seem to meet literally every thing required to have it, but that's simply not satisfying for me.

As described, I see things but I'm not conscious enough of what I physically see. For example, I may see walls covered with pictures, but I won't be able to recall what I just saw 1 minute ago. Likewise, I cannot get any emotions from what I'm seeing -- a sort of extreme dissociation not heard about.
I feel also like I am inside of my body, literally.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Erm, I'll give you the usual "nobody here can diagnose you". Although I think you know that and understand that you can't diagnose yourself either.

Either way, PTSD or not, I think you need to get in touch with a therapist, someone who will address what's going on for you, without shoving tablets down you.

The dissociation and seeing things, not sure I understand fully what you mean? Are the images of a past trauma, as in a flashback? Or is it just random?

Regards, Ice.

 

[Finitude]

No.. I'm referring to an inability to properly sense things. This includes visual perception, smell perception and so on.

The important thing is, as I tried to explain, that I can see objects (any objects--not psychosis!), but the sensing itself is not conscious. I won't be able to recall what I've seen minutes later.

However, as for the policy of not trying to diagnose other people, I might as well let it go.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Hmm, I've no idea, sorry. I think I understand what you mean now about not knowing what you've seen etc, just after you've seen it. But that in itself, although distressing, doesn't seem to be PTSD. Then again, I'm no expert.

But whatever, it doesn't matter as far as the forum goes. Whatever you've been through in the past, you're welcome here.

 

[safenow]

Finitude, i'm not a doctor, but it sounds like a chemical imbalance to me. You really need to be seen by a doctor. I'm sorry in your country they don't allow that unless your at the stage for commitment.

Good luck in your search. Just so you know, this is a site specific to PTSD.