Symptoms Getting Worse

[Reds]

The past few weeks things have been really bad. My symptoms are getting worse and I do not have anyone around here. I have been in an emergency room a couple of times. On Tuesday I dessociated during my phone session with my t and it was really bad. It took her a while to bring me back.

This morning I had an appointment with a specialist and he has put me back on meds :( I do not like being on medication, I often feel I can beat this thing on my own.

Some days are really bad, a part of me thinks I should move back to my homeprovince even though things were not so smooth but I had the support system I needed.

 

[digger]

Some days are really bad, a part of me thinks I should move back to my homeprovince even though things were not so smooth but I had the support system I needed.

Or you could work on getting a new support system in place where you are now?

This morning I had an appointment with a specialist and he has put me back on meds I do not like being on medication,

I don't like being on meds either, but sometimes they are necessary to help me get to where I need to be. Perhaps you could look at them as being a stepping stone to getting more support for yourself. Who is the specialist? Someone you were referred to from the ER? Did he advise anything else therapywise?

My symptoms are getting worse and I do not have anyone around here. I have been in an emergency room a couple of times. On Tuesday I dessociated during my phone session with my t and it was really bad. It took her a while to bring me back.

I know you don't like me saying it, but I'm going to say it again anyway - this is exactly why I think you need to move towards getting a face to face therapist where you are now. The distance/phone therapy does not seem to be enough for you. You could keep your phone sessions with your current T for a while while you transition to a new therapist.

 

[digger]

I had the support system I needed.

What support system did you have there other than your T?

 

[Reds]

Digger1, I was referred to the specialist by the dr I saw in the ER. I have thought of getting a therapist near me but there's a lot of fear in me. I've had a bad therapist before and I am afraid I might end up with another bad one. I am also dreading starting all over again. however I scheduled a face to face appointment with my current t in two weeks time. I will travel to see her and will also book another face to face with her next month. I know this is not ideal as it is costly but I think it should work until I can think of a way forward. You know my fear of losing my current t :(

I had my t, boyfriend, friend and church people. I know it wasn't a big support system but it kept me going.

 

[digger]

I had my t, boyfriend, friend and church people. I know it wasn't a big support system but it kept me going.

I'm trying to think of a way of saying this without it coming across as harsh, but perhaps read over some of your old threads from before you had moved, because this support system didn't seem very evident in those threads then and I'm wondering a little if the grass just seems to be greener? :unsure:

You know my fear of losing my current t

I do know this and I do understand this, but you know I also feel that you are maybe too dependent on her and that changing to a new T, while keeping some but not as much contact with your old one for while during the transition, could be the way forward that you need.

I've had a bad therapist before and I am afraid I might end up with another bad one.

You've also had a very good one, and you might end up with another really good one! Perhaps you could ask your current T to help you look for someone suitable as I'm sure you trust her judgement right?

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hi @Reds, I'm sorry you've been struggling. I know it is much more trying and so very lonely when you have no support near by.

Are you very far from where your T is? Would it be helpful for you to move back, or were you not safe/comfortable due to your traumas? Sorry to ask a bunch of questions, just trying to get an idea of what move be most helpful to you right now.

I understand your hesitancy in being on medication. I have been on an antidepressant for several years now, I came to terms with it when someone compared it to a diabetic needing insulin - you wouldn't not take insulin necessary to control diabetes because you wanted to handle it yourself... Well, same thing with psychotropic meds. ;)

I also agree with @digger1, in that it might be really helpful for you to have a local, face to face T. Perhaps your current T could recommend someone, or help find someone, where you're currently living. I totally get your fear of losing your current T. Have you be working together for a long time? Either way, it's always unsettling and painful to separate from someone you already feel comfortable with and have built a relationship with.

Sending you strength and :hug: if you'll accept...

 

[TimeToHeal]

@digger1- sorry, our posts seem to have overlapped. I didn't mean to repeat suggestions you had already made - great minds think alike! :)

 

[Reds]

Digger1, it wasn't the best support system but not being alone every time helped me stay strong or working hard on hiding my symptoms.

I will talk to my t about her helping me find someone this side.

TimeToHeal, my current t is 2000km's away.

She is also aware that I am a little too dependent on her and she is now limiting the number of tines I can talk to her in between sessions. In the past I used to talk to her daily by email or text.

I will be fibe I just need to pull myself together.

 

[digger]

If church was a support to you before, have you looked at joining a church where you are now?

 

[Reds]

I have started going to some church 2 weeks ago. I'm looking at getting more involved and meeting people.

 

[roaminggnome]

I'm sorry that you are struggling. Going to church and meeting new people sounds like a good start to build a support network. I just recently got a new therapist and dreaded the process. But it has worked out. If you start with a new therapist and don't like him/her you can always fire him/her and find a new one. I know that none of this is easy. But I think a new therapist in your area would be helpful. They would know what local resources are available to you. I hope this helped a little and wish you the best.