T says I am still experiencing I am still experiencing symptoms of dissociation

[Shaylee]

Ever since my daughter’s graduation with some crazy happenings there I just can’t find my feelings since that day. But I told my T I really kind of don’t want to find them at the moment. The ones that do break through actually feel…painful? Just too much. I have had almost non-stop heart palpitations since that day. But I just sit there and feel them but they aren’t freaking me out like usual when they have lasted this long. Haven’t even bothered to wear my watch to see how awful my tachycardia is. I was promised a drink I like but never received but I am not irritated or feel like making a joke as I usually do one or the other. My daughter said I love you to me and it just took a bit and I realized I should say it back. I haven’t been this way for this long in ages, but to be honest I don’t know how long that one lasted. I think I should be concerned or doing something about it but I can’t seem to come up with any good reasons why.

I am not sure really what I am looking for by posting this. I mean I am not doing terrible except for having a lot of trouble focusing on any one thing. at least I don’t think I am. I do kind think somehow I am stuck? Maybe? Maybe I just want to know I am human.

 

[arfie]

I just can’t find my feelings

in my own daily inventory, this is one of my definitions of dissociation. i don't hold it as a big deal that i am dissociating. mostly just a simple awareness to be mindful of. the details of what and why i am dissociating typically become evident as i patiently observe as i go about my day. i forgive myself in advance for the lack of focus, etc., that usually accompanies dissociation.

I do kind think somehow I am stuck? Maybe? Maybe I just want to know I am human.

i regret to report you are most definitely human. humans get stuck sometimes. my dog does, too, but she has a better sense of humor about it.

Ever since my daughter’s graduation

my youngest child graduated high school class of 2002. it was the end of an era to my senses and one of the toughest transitions of my life. "it was the best of times. it was the worst of times." ~charles dickens