T will never know

[Friday]

You didn't say you wanted help feeling better about yourself.

You said you wanted to kill yourself to get your therapist's attention.

Similar to my answer above, if what you actually want is X? Ask for X. Or you're not likely to get what you want.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

You didn't say you wanted help feeling better about yourself.

You said you wanted to kill yourself to g...

Actually what I asked for originally was if anyone knew how the hospital system works and if my T would be informed if I did OD. Funny how that never got answered... Ended up feeling judged instead. No you do not always get X when you ask for X.

 

[Deadman]

No one here is going to tell you how to manipulate the system so you can manipulate your T

 

[desiderata310]

@Moo no one is going to enable this behavior.
I deal with very heavy ideation. My ideation is not something I swing around to get a reaction out of someone. It's something I wrestle with and fight to try to stay alive. When the forum allows writing about ideation that is the purpose behind it- to be used as a release valve.
Since you are interested in perusing a topic that is not going to be discussed, I think that now is as good a time as any to close it.

I hope that you will take this frustration you feel and TALK to your therapist. I think you will find that you will get what you seek that way much faster.

 

[joeylittle]

Actually what I asked for originally was if anyone knew how the hospital system works and if my T would be informed if I did OD.

Most likely not, unless you have a psychiatrist also and you've given coordination of care permissions between the two of them.

Your words seem to be expressing your pain here decently enough. I would strongly suggest showing your T this thread.

And no - you aren't going to find support on this board for that kind of acting out.

Not because no-one cares; actually, because people do care.

You are having intense attachment problems, and your therapist is the figure you are trying to grab hold of. Fantasizing about how your T will finally see your pain and give you the attention you crave, is not going to help you feel better or move past this.

Do you like your liver? Are you glad you are not on dialysis? I'm going to think, yes. Right there is a very good reason to not f*ck around with pills. I'm serious. Also, if you'd like to keep all your limbs - probably better to just put this whole idea away.

If you are having trouble keeping yourself safe, you need to get to a hospital.

I know you've said you are not planning to act; but you've also gotten some push-back here. How are you feeling?

 

[Abigail7]

Take it from me, this is not the way to get people to show that they care about you in a comforting sort of way.

Doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, therapists, and other medical staff are very removed from the emotional side of suicide. Come to think of it, so is everyone else (at least in my life). Medical professionals have to be emotionally removed in order to help us. If they became blubbering messes, well they are in the wrong field.

And I'm guessing that you want that show of emotion. Hurting yourself with an overdose will not get your emotional needs met. If anything there's a greater chance of it leaving you feeling even more empty inside.

Your therapist won't be notified due to privacy laws, at least in the USA. While in the hospital you are their patient meaning your doctor is on the hospital staff and your therapist is on the hospital staff. It's like this no matter why you're admitted, whether it's for a mental health reason or a physical reason. So hurting yourself and going to the hospital won't result in your therapist being notified.

 

[HealinginHisWings]

I'll share a story:

I've wanted attention in the past at times. First you should know I am a Christian. I know that suicide is risking eternal life, as it is risk to die in sin and have eternal torment, even worse than that on earth. So that isn't an answer, it's a wrong answer if at all, and it's a lie from the devil that it is attention.

That said, I've been there. I did not get attention as thought either. Here's one story when I was 12 years old. I wanted my mother's attention after suffering emotional pain, and pain about my mom and step dad's divorce and wanting a father. So there I was not wanting to go to school. I knelt at a window with a children's bible in one hand, and a hand in a fist to break through a window to injure myself, and I prayed should I somehow die. God answered me. I looked out that window, I was suddenly distracted. Across the street there was a coyote and it was chasing a cat up a hill. I could see them both and the cat was trying to get away. I wanted to the cat to get away. The cat escaped the coyote running away. The coyote stopped on the hill and did not continue to search for the cat. I knew this was shown to me. I know I was like that cat. I escaped from the lies of the devil. God loves me. My fears and pain God knows. God knows my pain to this day, I'm not alone even now.

JESUS LOVES YOU. Seriously.

 

[Scarlet13]

Do you think you could share this plan and your feelings with her? She might show very serious concern then.

 

[GWhizz]

As others have said, it's dangerous territory the way you're thinking. That being said, I totally understand your confused feelings of seeking more than she can realistically offer, because of how she seems to fit that motherly role. I would like to hear how you feel about the rest of your life beyond the therapeutic relationship. Therapy is not a reason look towards parasuicide. It's totally counterintuitive, hence why people would react to this idea as they have here.

You need to try to find a way to explore these feelings more with your T if therapy is to be effective. I would try to focus on what I can do in my current life to meet the needs I crave from a T. And weigh up the reality of your present life. Are things really that desperate that you would risk throwing it all away just to impress something upon your T that you can otherwise express to her in a harmless method? You say you're considering it anyway, and I'm not doubting the seriousness of your statement here. But it does seem that you still realise there is helpful support as alternative.

As someone who has been at that point of despair and did attempt to end my life, I can see why people may be upset by your potential intentions. It's something anyone serious about knows there is no going back from. And is done without ever being able to fully factor in the consequential impact it may have on others in our lives. And at the end of the day, a T's reaction can be a pretty underwhelming wake-up call. As my T said, when someone is clear that that's what they want, it's not for her to say that choosing life would be better for them. And there's not a whole lot she can do to stop it either.

I really wish you the very best and that you find a way to move forward and past this. Involving your T more in these thoughts would seem like the best way to actually utilise your T in all of this. Honesty and being upfront about key things like this, really are crucial if we are to make progress and develop as we would hope.