In all honesty, I can totally relate to the 'self-harm' mindset, and to a degree the 'body-modification' mindset as well. I simply went about mine in a kind of "veiled" manner: the scars are about my self-transformation from vicitm to non-vicitm. The self-harm, though sometimes subtle, is something I still miss; am going to try and get my leg muscles working post surgery, because quite honestly I would like to do some very easy climbing again, and 'enjoy' the subtle pain inherent in the sport - I still crave it, and its been 20 years. Plus rockclimbing has got to be the uberlord of stress reducing physical activities, just amazing.
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Tattooing As An "Acceptable" Form Of Self-Harm
- Post starter gdf
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Athena you ask for comments here's mine.
I have three tattoos, one on each forearm which I had done when I was fifteen and one on my shoulder which I had done when I was fifty, the long break is because I wouldn't have something done until I knew for sure what I wanted (needed maybe).
My opinion is that a tattoo is a very personal thing as you have to live with it. To have one done for someone else would be a total no no!
I can understand the thinking behind the dragon tattoo you mention if you do it for yourself but if you do it for any other reason I can see it ending badly and there are a lot of people out there who regret their tattoos. (No offence AdamAnt)
Also I totally agree that unless you are stinking rich (David Beckham like) it is better to be able to conceal your tattoos.
I have three tattoos, one on each forearm which I had done when I was fifteen and one on my shoulder which I had done when I was fifty, the long break is because I wouldn't have something done until I knew for sure what I wanted (needed maybe).
My opinion is that a tattoo is a very personal thing as you have to live with it. To have one done for someone else would be a total no no!
I can understand the thinking behind the dragon tattoo you mention if you do it for yourself but if you do it for any other reason I can see it ending badly and there are a lot of people out there who regret their tattoos. (No offence AdamAnt)
Also I totally agree that unless you are stinking rich (David Beckham like) it is better to be able to conceal your tattoos.
I love tattoos. I'm heavily tattooed, two full sleeves, chest tattoo, both hands, legs and one on my neck. I'm both a cutter and also pull out my hair. I can only speak for myself, but I defintely see a correlation between self harm and tattooing. There are times I feel my anxiety rising and need an outlet. I usually get one every 3-4 months. Some are big and some are small.
I know most tattoo artists say it's rare to get someone to come in and say they are there for the pain or for the relief it brings. I believe that's true, mostly because what reputable artist would tattoo that person and most people who self harm don't really shout it from the roof tops. This makes it acceptable.
My therapist calls it my armor. It keeps people away which is true. I never thougt of it that way but it makes complete sense to me now. Some of them have deep significance and some I just liked how they looked. I got my latest last week and I'm nervous to show my therapist. I got my abuser's name tattooed on me. I've been thinking about for years and I finally did it. For better or for worse he shaped more than my parents or anyone else in my life.
I know most tattoo artists say it's rare to get someone to come in and say they are there for the pain or for the relief it brings. I believe that's true, mostly because what reputable artist would tattoo that person and most people who self harm don't really shout it from the roof tops. This makes it acceptable.
My therapist calls it my armor. It keeps people away which is true. I never thougt of it that way but it makes complete sense to me now. Some of them have deep significance and some I just liked how they looked. I got my latest last week and I'm nervous to show my therapist. I got my abuser's name tattooed on me. I've been thinking about for years and I finally did it. For better or for worse he shaped more than my parents or anyone else in my life.
No offense taken justadud, I've been tattooing for 25 yrs. and I guess I understand as well as anyone the social dynamics of the tattoo!
It might be worth a mention here, that a properly excecuted tattoo doesn't leave visible scar tissue. Its possible to have a tattoo done and then remove it and not be able to tell the work had been done...there need be no change to the skin structure of the epidermis.
I really never considered it before, but I find that particularly relevant in this context!
I had one girl who used to come into my shop for piercing as an aversion to cutting. She always came with her very supportive mother, and although I caught hints about the cutting, I never felt that I should question it beyond what they chose to divulge. I never sensed anything wrong about what we were doing , but were they giving me plausible deniability? I never thought about it til just now!
It might be worth a mention here, that a properly excecuted tattoo doesn't leave visible scar tissue. Its possible to have a tattoo done and then remove it and not be able to tell the work had been done...there need be no change to the skin structure of the epidermis.
I really never considered it before, but I find that particularly relevant in this context!
I had one girl who used to come into my shop for piercing as an aversion to cutting. She always came with her very supportive mother, and although I caught hints about the cutting, I never felt that I should question it beyond what they chose to divulge. I never sensed anything wrong about what we were doing , but were they giving me plausible deniability? I never thought about it til just now!
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- #54
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
I find what I am reading shocks me if not gives me a sense of horror. I totally feel for those who can only find relief in self harm. My heart goes out to you.
Lionheart
Not Active
I have two tats both of which have great spiritual meaning to me. One is a reaper to remind me to live each day to it's fullest. The other is of several Ravens. Once when I needed to dissociate, I heard birds outside and in my mind I flew away them. To my mind these were ravens that came to protect me from some of the worst of the abuse. I enjoy my tats and they are easily covered up by my clothes so that I have the choice of showing or not showing them. I never thought of tatoos as an acceptable form of self harm, actually never thought of them as acceptable to the majority of people anyways. To some it may be trashy, but to me it is a spiritual art form and I encourage it for that reason.
Henry Rollins wrote a truely great auto-biography called "Get In The Van". I am not talking great because its HR, or for any popish reason. But because its a serious and compelling work - including his accounts of using a piece of broken glass to occasionally cut. Once in a while, before shows, but mostly in solitude at "home" in the little guest shack he used to live in.
He wrote in great detail about his emotions leading up to cutting, and how messed up he knew it was, or seemed. Honest, not really a big HR fan, not at all, but that biography he wrote knocked the ball right out of the freakin park.
He wrote in great detail about his emotions leading up to cutting, and how messed up he knew it was, or seemed. Honest, not really a big HR fan, not at all, but that biography he wrote knocked the ball right out of the freakin park.
- Post starter
- #57
Hi goatgirl--a couple of thoughts/comments. First, I like the name you picked because it conjures up good memories of my younger days raising goats, dairy breeds; can't help but be curious if it's connected to that or if it's just a quirky self-expressive name. Either way, thanks for bringing up fun memories.
Next--tattooing your abuser's name on you. I first thought, wow that would be creepy and then I considered it and thought no, it's powerful because in a way you now own him. You took a little piece of him and you now control that piece and he can't get it back. He took something from you and you took something from him...if that makes any sense.
Gina
Next--tattooing your abuser's name on you. I first thought, wow that would be creepy and then I considered it and thought no, it's powerful because in a way you now own him. You took a little piece of him and you now control that piece and he can't get it back. He took something from you and you took something from him...if that makes any sense.
Gina
Hey Gina
My name is actually taken from a short story titled "Secrets Observations on the Goat Girl". I have no connections to goats. I do admit though, I've always wanted one. They have those weird eyes that are bit disconcerting to look at.
The tattoo is just something I felt I had to get. It's small, on the inside of my arm. It looks like his name is stitched in me with thread. I've moved away from where I grew up so no one knows who he is.
There has already been a few people who have asked about the tattoo and wonder he is, including my tattoo artist. I just tell them it was someone who was really important to me at one point, which is true. He became my father even though I already had one.
I wish I could find my anger with him but the reality is I still think about him and miss him.I guess what I'm trying to say is he still owns me. I haven't quite figured out how to take myself back.
My name is actually taken from a short story titled "Secrets Observations on the Goat Girl". I have no connections to goats. I do admit though, I've always wanted one. They have those weird eyes that are bit disconcerting to look at.
The tattoo is just something I felt I had to get. It's small, on the inside of my arm. It looks like his name is stitched in me with thread. I've moved away from where I grew up so no one knows who he is.
There has already been a few people who have asked about the tattoo and wonder he is, including my tattoo artist. I just tell them it was someone who was really important to me at one point, which is true. He became my father even though I already had one.
I wish I could find my anger with him but the reality is I still think about him and miss him.I guess what I'm trying to say is he still owns me. I haven't quite figured out how to take myself back.
I have never cut, but I can relate to it ever so well.
I can remember drivng myself hard in my first 3 years rock climbing, and coming home with bloody knuckles and open wounds on the backs of my hands, for years. Still, I miss the sensation of coarse granite digging into to my hands, and the cracks sometimes abrading my knuckles raw.
Funny, too, *how* I miss it, like a vague *calling* in the back of my mind...like, "something's missing". Blood was a frequent thing to see *in* the cracks we climbed, at popular climbing places in Socal. Trippy huh? Hey, very common in sports. I mean, pick your "poison" (or method of delivery) seems people love endorphins.
I know I do, and I miss it.
I can remember drivng myself hard in my first 3 years rock climbing, and coming home with bloody knuckles and open wounds on the backs of my hands, for years. Still, I miss the sensation of coarse granite digging into to my hands, and the cracks sometimes abrading my knuckles raw.
Funny, too, *how* I miss it, like a vague *calling* in the back of my mind...like, "something's missing". Blood was a frequent thing to see *in* the cracks we climbed, at popular climbing places in Socal. Trippy huh? Hey, very common in sports. I mean, pick your "poison" (or method of delivery) seems people love endorphins.
I know I do, and I miss it.
- Post starter
- #60
Goatgirl, thanks for sharing. They are fun creatures especially the newborn "kids" as they are called. They are very active within a few hours and act often as they have springs for little legs. They are good-natured creatures and peaceful. Sit still too long and you find yourself with one trying to crawl into your lap or they lay down in the grass and wrap their necks close like dogs. I may have to post one of those pictures here sometime : )
I carry the "real" reason for my tattoos only in my heart at this time. I think about adding to them lately as it is really six small tats in a theme grouped closely together.
James, I kind of get what you mean on the rock climbing thing although not on as broad a scale as climbing. I was building stacked stone walls around parts of my newly-built house when I was landscaping and a lot of times I ditched my leather gloves despite the spread of brown recluses and enjoyed the roughness of the stone on my palms and fingers. Looking at my hands later, sitting in the house and relaxing after hours of heavy physical labor I would think "this means something to me." Scuffed up finger nails, scratches, nicks all meant I had created something enduring if nothing more than the memory of such. I stood back and looked at my handiwork--it's still back there. Maybe it was the struggle of trying to make meaning and organization out of a couple tons of loose stone and putting it together in an understandable pattern that was worth all the discomfort?
Maybe that permanence of tattooing is part of the healing quality of them. We must learn to love them or to at least live with the decision of them. Like our PTSD must be made sense of--that's a lot of what I have been searching for on my journey to recovery--meaning.
I carry the "real" reason for my tattoos only in my heart at this time. I think about adding to them lately as it is really six small tats in a theme grouped closely together.
James, I kind of get what you mean on the rock climbing thing although not on as broad a scale as climbing. I was building stacked stone walls around parts of my newly-built house when I was landscaping and a lot of times I ditched my leather gloves despite the spread of brown recluses and enjoyed the roughness of the stone on my palms and fingers. Looking at my hands later, sitting in the house and relaxing after hours of heavy physical labor I would think "this means something to me." Scuffed up finger nails, scratches, nicks all meant I had created something enduring if nothing more than the memory of such. I stood back and looked at my handiwork--it's still back there. Maybe it was the struggle of trying to make meaning and organization out of a couple tons of loose stone and putting it together in an understandable pattern that was worth all the discomfort?
Maybe that permanence of tattooing is part of the healing quality of them. We must learn to love them or to at least live with the decision of them. Like our PTSD must be made sense of--that's a lot of what I have been searching for on my journey to recovery--meaning.
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