Tattooing As An "Acceptable" Form Of Self-Harm

[Grama-Herc]

Interesting thread. I've read all the posts and come to the conclusion that every person with a tatt has an inner personal reason why they chose to get one, let alone their particular tatt. I don't think you can put a singular label on the issue. I have been thinking for a long time that I want one. I want one with meaning. Something that means nothing to anyone but me.

Nothing has ever come to mind until recently. I have been blessed by the return of my daughter to my life. I've been given the most beautiful gift anyone can receive, my grandchild. They have a special bonding ritual between the 2 of them that I have been lucky enough to know about. It is the symbol of that bond I want as my tatt.

I am 62 yo and I don't think getting a tatt now is going to interfer with any aspect of my life. LOL My cats certainly are not going to care. This decision is definately a personal one and I don't feel that it is a form of self harm, at least not for me.

 

[kers]

I have quite a few tattoos, and most reflect where I was with my PTSD at the time I got it. Lots of symbols of despair but also desire for rebirth or strength. I don't feel like they are depressing, though. More symbols of how much I have come through. I do think that I got them partly to make myself look tough and not to be messed with. They are in prominent areas and are relatively large.

I (used to) have a problem with self-harm, but the tattoos are completely separate from that. Getting them hurt some, but that was not the point; it didn't serve a purpose the way it did in self-harm. For example, when I self-harm, it's usually to stop myself from dissociating or to manage intense feelings. When I got tattoos, I was always calm, not in crisis. The pain was something I endured for the final product, kind of like getting dental work done, lol.

 

[gdf]

Hi Kers, I had to chuckle at your dentist comment--my tattoos were less painful than some dental work I've had. lol

Grama-Herc. That's gutsy. When you find the right thing, I hope you go for it. Some of these artists are really creative and are now even putting portraits of people on skin. One lady I know had her daughter's picture done so it seems the sky is the limit. When you decide I hope you will let us know here.

Gina

 

[AthenaErdmann]

Hurting My Body To Get Back At Mom - I Hope Not, But...

I just found this thread and it has been a very interesting, enlightening and inspiring read. Thanks to everyone who has participated!

I am 62 yo and I don't think getting a tatt now is going to interfer with any aspect of my life. LOL My cats certainly are not going to care. This decision is definately a personal one and I don't feel that it is a form of self harm, at least not for me.

I so wish I could feel the same way! I would like to be peaceful and free about my body, but I am not. Comments to the below would be very welcome, I feel more than a bit lost with this.

Let me explain something about my physical realities, old wounds and fears first - it will bring us to tattoos by and by...

I have problems with food and my weight (I'm gaining again now that I'm actively working on my stuff). One motive for being overweight is that if I am clearly not slim, I break my mom's expectations. If I don't look the way I "should", I become visible to her, if even for the shortest moment and with negative consequences (exaggerated "worry", disapproval, nagging...). My mom is strongly narcissistic, and in my therapy the theme we are working hard on with my T right now is how much I have been hurt by "not existing" to mom - she has always assumed that every one of her children (all daughters) is just like her in likes, dislikes, interests etc., and she gets positively nasty and even vindictive if one of us does not "suit her image".

Now a part of me urgently wants to stop the weight gain and loose enough weight to be more comfortable, but another part of me is deadly afraid that if I became slim again, I would "disappear", become completely invisible (this is hard to describe in words, it's a surprisingly strong physical feeling). So I've been thinking about alternatives to fat - something that would "anchor" my visibility and help me not dread being slim. My husband, who can have uncannily exact emotional feelers when he's not trying, gave me this spring a wonderful birthday "card" - a Photoshopped picture of myself, where he had recolored my long hair into all the colors of the rainbow, and the words "Any style!" were written on the other side - I have full freedom to do whatever I want to my hair and he will pay for it. I am so happy (and a bit nervous).

BUT - most of my clients are organizations that are conservative: government agencies, companies with ties to the military, health-care organizations... I can maybe "afford" to get a thin stripe of rainbow into my hair, like running down the side, but it would be a bad business decision to color all of my hair wildly. (Damn!)

So, now we get to tattoos. Permanent, which hair color is not. That is scary. Hurt involved - that I'm ambivalent about. I am sure, though, that I could turn that pain into a healing experience, I would just need to work on it for long enough beforehand (and afterwards) to get to my true feelings.

The big question mark in everything that has to do with my looks and style is my relationship to my mother. If she ever found out that I have a tattoo (and we have gone swimming with her and our kids once in a blue moon, though it is several years ago since last), I really don't know how she would react. And I must have my head on straight about this, because any reaction she could have has the potential of hurting me as I am now, badly torn over being "invisible" to her.

It would be idiotic to take a tattoo just to irritate my mother. Especially as I - due to the business reasons explained above - would not get a tattoo that is visible when I'm in business attire. And if she saw it and chose to ignore it (this is sometimes her reaction to things she cannot handle - they just don't exist :-/ ), the way I am today, that would hurt me. In fact, whatever her reaction (or lack thereof) would be, I most likely would feel hurt, if I was as I am today. And I really don't know how long we will need to push through the Invisible Child theme in therapy - it is a big thing.

And yet... Ever since I started to think about tattoos, I have strong feelings what two tattoo designs I would want, where, and why. My husband has said that he is all for it, but cautioned me about visible-with-business-clothes placements.

I think I'll only talk about the smaller design that I've thought of now. The other one is emotionally more complicated and will have to wait.

I would want to get closure on something that may sound small, but is important to me. I want to permanently give up donating blood - with all my current meds it has become just too stressful to keep taps on when I last have taken medication X or Y, how long a time after than I have to wait (oh, but now I had a common cold, too, so that adds two weeks - oh, but now I took some ibuprofen for a head ache, that adds a day... frustration!!). I used to donate actively before I got pregnant for the first time, and it was a good thing in my life. I've donated only a half a dozen times since our youngest weaned herself, soon eight years ago.

I would want to have a small, simple tattoo over my needle scars (yes, the crook of my left arm looks a bit as if I had been a "civilized" heroine shooter). The needle marks will never fade completely. I would want to honor them with the Chinese symbol (sinograph / hanzi) for dragon - I was born in the year of the dragon, and dragons have been important symbols for me since I was about 23 - half my life now. I have not yet decided anything about the colors, but I shun away from pure black. The "Azure Dragon" (two symbols) in simplified Chinese feels very right in many ways.

I don't really know how to work on this. The feeling of confusion is strong.

Any questions or comments? I would very much appreciate either.

Athena

 

[anni]

Athena,

I'm only answering this since you asked for input-it's SUCH a personal decision that input one way or another feels terribly intrusive to me. It sounds very much as if you wish to have this, and for all the 'right' reasons inherent to YOU. The only 'if' sounds like it would be attached to feelings about your mother. Since this is YOURS, and yours alone, it's unfair to you to have anything so lovely and personal which would at all remind you of her every time you look at it, you know? You're worried about her reaction to it, which means that you might constantly feel guilty or have dread when you look at it, not treasure it as you wish to, if that makes any sense?

As I said, I'm only replying by way of 'feedback', and not 'well THIS is what I think you should do'. :) You sound extremely self-aware, and beautifully express yourself. I'd just have to say to absolutely make sure you can 'own' your tatoo free and clear, so to speak, so it's image is unclouded by anything but your joy in the process and final creation.

I love your choices in symbols and colors, by the way, if I can be so intrusive as to comment on those!

All the best with your decision,

Anni

 

[mrscaluza]

Although hes never admitted it my husband has done the same thing. He has like 15 or 16. All of them he got after a bad break up.

 

[gdf]

Ever thought of going for an actual picture/design of a dragon? That might work around the needle scars very nicely.

Can you switch giving blood to "giving" something else--money, time, grow your hair out and donate it for wigs for patients with cancer , volunteer? Might be something out there that replaces the need but has less stress with it. Sometimes it's fun to commit to buy the next armed-services person you see in a restaurant lunch. Or pay the bridge toll for the car behind you once a week.

Gina

 

[James B.]

Wow, this is all about "new school" stuff, tats and all...

Check it out, a few weeks back I was soaking in a hot tub, doing my water therapy dealio for arthritic body. Under the hot water, and through the lenses of my prescription Oaklies, I could see all the scars on the backs of my hands. Dozens and dozens of them. Then, I noticed my forearms and shins are covered with them too. I grew up rock climbing in dense brush country, and I'd build trails and bushwack all over hell, finding and climbing cool new sh*t. I bet I got a thousand scars, hell, maybe 2000! I am not making this up, from the hideous brush and climbing cracks in granite.

See, that's the difference between us old school self-harmers, and all you new school types :-) We (I) did my self mutilation the old fashioned way...we earned it. LOL.

 

[AdamAnt]

I'm a tattoo artist, so figure maybe can add another facet to this thread.

Athena, I hope you find the will to express yourself without worrying how it might reflect. I do understand the not wanting to disappoint, but again hope you can perhaps use this to claim yourself. If you do it in rebellion, who knows what will happen, but I hope it opens a good door, and there's someone there to share a sly smile with when you leave your mom speachless! HA!

I've been tattooing for over 25 yrs. and piercing for over 10. I've known 1 girl who came in specifically to be pierced as an alternative to cutting. He mom brought her in always, and it seemed to satisfy her, but I admit I didn't and still don't know what she was dealing with. I've never known anyone who used tattooing in that way. this past year I did alot of tattooing just outside of FT Gordon army base, and I saw many PTSD sufferers getting tattooed. I spoke with them at length, probably more than they were supposed to, but never caught that they were self-harming. seemed more that they were marking a time in their life.

As a matter of fact it does seem that many people get tattoos at junctures in their life. The fresh beginning, the dismal end, the decision to change ones life...tattooing lends itself in a way few other things can. New Years resolutions come and go, but it you have that "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest you're less likely to forget your reasoning. We've all seen the old sailor with all the tiny green tattoos, most of them unrecognisable and thought that he must really regret that. I love those guys. Aproach them without judgement, and you'll find each of those tattoos has an interesting story behind it!

Its funny, there seem to be 2 kinds of people who get tattooed. The ones who do it to be like their peers, and those who want to be totally individual. Do I need to say that the individuals are much more interesting? I love it when someone choses to express their soul to the world without the need of a spoken word. There have been times I felt I was part of a sacred rite because I realized the initiation taking place in front of me. Of course there have been times when I realized what was happening could better be expressed by carving initials in a tree, but who am I to say? :)

 

[AthenaErdmann]

See, that's the difference between us old school self-harmers, and all you new school types :-) We (I) did my self mutilation the old fashioned way...we earned it. LOL.

:smile: That was funny. Thanks!

Athena

 

[gdf]

Hi Ant,

It's interesting to hear your perspective as an artist. I've had my art for a year now and no regrets. I like your observation about two kinds of people getting tattoos--people being like their peers or people being totally diferent. Nice juxtaposition. Sometimes I think body modification is a way of making meaning out of something in our lives.

Gina

 

[Cin]

Sometimes I think body modification is a way of making meaning out of something in our lives

I totally agree with that.

Both of my tats have meaning to specific times in my life. The first was when I found out my husband cheated, it is a modified version of the Love, Life and Loyalty symbol. The second one was the 12 month anniversary after we split up, its the Kanji symbols for faith and trust, to always remind me to keep the faith and to learn to trust even after betrayal. I don't regret either and love them both.