Techniques To Stay In The Moment And Hold On To Your Emotions

[Philippa]

Yeah, I find that whatever progress I make in this area, it doesn't take much for me to revert to bottling feelings, or stuffing them down just to cope with life. I know that life is so much better when I don't do this though.

I also find that expressing feelings via venting online really helps me to feel a charge of release. It can feel so frustrating though...as though I am taking two steps forward, then one step backward.

It used to be that journaling worked in this way for me, but I guess things change, and finding new, fresh ways to deal with this is part of the journey. Not every tool will work all the time, so mixing it up can be good.

 

[Abstract]

How did you do this Abstract?

Hi Miss Spock!
I have a long way to go with this but I am so different from how I was that it astonishes me to look back.

I think what helped me is knowing the theory. Once I realised that not feeling anger and being so cut off from emotions resulted in a range of other very unhelpful behaviours and reactions in life I became very motivated to change even though I found it impossible to imagine doing so. I saw it as putting me in danger in various ways and do think it did. That was the start_ accepting the theory at least on some level.

Then it was mostly about constantly addressing my thoughts and beliefs about anger as I went along and working very hard on checking in with myself and attempting to allow myself to feel the feelings I could cognitively see I should have been feeling in a situation. I did that by diarising every day and looking at what happened and my responses.

Doing this at the same time as working on radical acceptance and mindfulness is what helped the most. The part of mindfulness where one does not judge the emotion and does not do battle with it. Where we just observe and "watch" it. It took about 5 years before I really started feeling the benefits a lot I am afraid but it did change my life.

I also felt threatened telling anyone how I feel and still do so have just tried to practice doing so again and again to desensitise myself. Online that is as I don't have anyone to tell in real time.

Sorry you relate to all of this.

 

[ms spock]

Then it was mostly about constantly addressing my thoughts and beliefs about anger as I went along and working very hard on checking in with myself and attempting to allow myself to feel the feelings I could cognitively see I should have been feeling in a situation. I did that by diarising every day and looking at what happened and my responses.

Doing this at the same time as working on radical acceptance and mindfulness is what helped the most. The part of mindfulness where one does not judge the emotion and does not do battle with it. Where we just observe and "watch" it. It took about 5 years before I really started feeling the benefits a lot I am afraid but it did change my life.

Sorry you relate to all of this.

5 years. I have along way to go. Thanks for your feedback Abstract.

 

[Pietro]

5 Years?! I've been doing this about 9 months, which would leave me over 4 years of this crap left. I think I'm going to go feel sorry for myself now. At least, for once, it'll be for a present-day reason, instead of being due to some hidden memory of the past. ;)

 

[Abstract]

Sorry to be a downer Ms Spock and Pietro! :oops:

Hopefully it won't take either of you nearly as long! Maybe I am a slow learner or more disconnected. It also didn't just stay the same until 5 years passed and certain things improved all along the way. I find it really helpful focusing on the effort I am expending and trying to get satisfaction from that as it helps me feel I am moving and not trapped or helpless/hopeless.

 

[Pietro]

You weren't a downer -- I know it takes a long time, and that the amount of time differs per person. ;) Personally, I figured I have at least another 2 years before I start to see my life really changing, and likely more before I see significant changes. In 9 months I've learned lots of new techniques and become more self-aware, and I don't get into completely depressive states nearly as often as I used to. But, in general, I'm often pretty miserable, and I guess it takes a while to go through decades of muck.

 

[ms spock]

Hi Miss Spock!
I have a long way to go with this but I am so different from how I was that it astonishes me to look back.

That is great news.

Sorry to be a downer Ms Spock :oops:

Hopefully it won't take either of you nearly as long! Maybe I am a slow learner or more disconnected. It also didn't just stay the same until 5 years passed and certain things improved all along the way. I find it really helpful focusing on the effort I am expending and trying to get satisfaction from that as it helps me feel I am moving and not trapped or helpless/hopeless.

I don't think you are a slow learner Abstract. I think that it takes as long as it takes. I have tried very hard, in various ways to get better since I was 15. I am 43 now so that certainly comes in for slow learning, but objectively, given the damage done, the level of the complexity of the trauma and other traumas that happened on top of those I don't see how I could have done better. I just was so dissociated. I would have insights but no way to follow it through. I feel sad about that now but the main thing is to do stuff each day and keep moving ahead. It is the only way to go.

Your focus on the effort you are expending and getting satisfaction from that is a good way to go.

I appreciate the honesty Abstract. I really do.[DOUBLEPOST=1378642699][/DOUBLEPOST]

5 Years?! I've been doing this about 9 months,

9 months is a good effort Pietro.

 

[Abstract]

Ms Spock I feel sad about wasting so many years in a dissociated daze as well. It is hard to reconcile. I have these moments of feeling overwhelmed by the realisations and the reality.

bjectively, given the damage done, the level of the complexity of the trauma and other traumas that happened on top of those I don't see how I could have done better.

So glad you can at least this with part of your mind Ms Spock. We do what we can with with what we have and when we are able to and have different resources then we can do things differently. It is what it is.

Really, surviving and finding a way to function in those years is an amazing accomplishment already considering what you have been through.

I would have insights but no way to follow it through

Me too and actually a lot of the time I was so separated from my life that insights about me did not happen.

I guess it takes a while to go through decades of muck.

I think it does Pietro. I always think progress often doesn't make us feel better for a while but it does in the long term.:rolleyes:

 

[Pietro]

I have tried very hard, in various ways to get better since I was 15. I am 43 now so that certainly comes in for slow learning, but objectively, given the damage done, the level of the complexity of the trauma and other traumas that happened on top of those I don't see how I could have done better.

Thank you for your support, Ms. Spock. :) The 9 months is how long I've been working on "trauma" therapy. But, like you, I've been working on things since I was a teen. I saw my first therapist when I was 17 (I'm 47 now), and have been in and out of therapy since.

I don't think this is a matter of slow learning at all. I think it's a matter of finally learning what the problem is, first of all. Many therapists are NOT helpful in that respect. They just want to "talk" through things; they have no idea about the importance of emotion, or of body memory, and the like. Finding therapists who do understand this is a challenge. Even when I knew what I was looking for, it took me nearly two years, and 4 therapists, to find the right one. :)

I think it's also a matter of what you're dealing with. I'm not entirely sure of how bad things were in my youth -- I suspect there were likely some really bad things. But there are many here who have lived through extraordinary horror, over an extended period of time. Survival through that, alone, is heroic and extraordinary. And, like a physical wound, severity largely determines the time for recovery, as you indicated

I don't like the fact that processing occurs so slowly. ;) But we've fought all of our lives, and, now at least, we have some idea of what we're facing and what to do about it. So, I'm willing to spend a few more years dealing with this, even if I act all grumpy and complain about it. :D

I think it does Pietro. I always think progress often doesn't make us feel better for a while but it does in the long term.

I'm banking on this, Abstract. :) I have seen subtle changes, mostly in understanding myself and gaining insight into how and why I feel the way I do -- probably very similar to the kinds of insights that you and Ms. Spock mentioned. Mostly, right now, it feels like I'm in mourning -- for a lost childhood, lost opportunities, for pain I suffered, for betrayals, etc. Mourning has to run its course, and even simple mourning can take a year.

I'm glad you're having some success -- gives the rest of us hope! :D
.

 

[Abstract]

Just to be sure I am not giving the wrong impression I am very stuck when it comes to trauma Pietro. My progress is very split. In some ways I have travelled very far and in other ways I am in an awful and terribly stuck place with denial and self attack being my main occupation. How it presents itself is both frightening and crazy making and I spedn much time thinking I am truly crazy. I am very grateful for the progress though as it has meant all the difference to being able to navigate what has been happening even just a little. At least I am able to eat and not torture myself with starvation and other things and at least I am able to accept and deal with the intense emotions better than in the past. To deal with the horrible self abuse I seem to be stuck in. I am making some progress though so that is good.

It sounds like you are making very important progress and in a very short time of trauma therapy. :tup:

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock I feel sad about wasting so many years in a dissociated daze as well. It is hard to reconcile. I have these moments of feeling overwhelmed by the realisations and the reality.

It is a hard balance of acknowledging but not becoming overwhelmed by it all.

 

[Pietro]

My progress is very split. In some ways I have travelled very far and in other ways I am in an awful and terribly stuck place with denial and self attack being my main occupation.

It's incredible just how many different little issues I have. I actually call each of them "channels" just so I can keep track of them. And they are largely interconnected, making everything that much more complex and difficult. On some channels, I'm doing better than others, just as you mention. But even with things that are improving, it's often very up and down.

It sounds like you are making very important progress and in a very short time of trauma therapy.

Trying. :D Thanks! I hope progress continues for you as well. :)