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Tell Me Something.....

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I am genuinely happy sleeping in, watching tv, reading, listening to music, having an occassional bath, going for a walk once in a while, riding my bike once in a while, baking once in a while, eating things I can eat and would like to and seeing my support group once a week and a friend occasionally, maybe once in three months.
 
Our daughter's boy friend, TM, came to stay with us one cold March night, a few years ago. Our daughter was still away at college. He came to us because he had no other place to go. He came broken and overwhelmed. His mother is an alcoholic, his father has advanced muscular sclerosis, his big brother beats him up verbally and physically.

He sat on the sofa for a month looking at his shoes. He was in a 'normal' home which is cooperative and calm. The second month he decided he needed a job. Third month he found one. That was the beginning of him becoming who he really is, not what he was called. He went back to community college confident that if he studied he could do the work. He got straight A's. No One had ever encouraged him before. Soon, It was time to find a 4 yr college that would take the credits he had earned. He drew up a map and put his father in the center of a circle which could be driven in 20 minutes. There is a small Jesuit college inside the circle made for care of his Dad. The college accepted him. He works part time and goes to school full time. He has about one year left and almost an A average at a Jesuit college. He realized that he held a deep level of anger in him,though he is always selfcomposed and took himself off to therapy. What college kid does that?

This month, our daughter moved in with friends in an apartment in a city near us. TM is still here. This year I know he feels comfortable. He brought over his one worldly treasure, A village with many light up pieces,elves, paths...He made a base for it, set it up on a long skinny table we have in the livingroom. Now, his face is calm. He stands up straight. Thank God the wreck of my live could be used to escort one broken child from failure and darkness to the light of day and a good man.
 
Even from my SI place, I know I can't back out of life. TM would be seriously damaged by my suicide! I will not be a perp. No suicide! I will not be a perp. I know I will not be a perp. SI is depressing, hard to carry on moment by moment, but I must persevere. ........It's just so hard sometimes.
:bawling::notworthy::eek::inpain::sorry:
 
One day, I was horribly down about the estrangement between me and my brother who I once loved and adored. We were best friends in our 20's. I'd tried everything I could think of to bring about a healing of us, but he was cold and contemptuous to me now - and I imagined quite lost. I was desperately unhappy about this and had been for such a long long time. My broken hearted feeling never seemed to go away.

So I was sitting in a chair after meditating. Out of desperation, I spoke to my deceased parents in case they could hear me - and asked them what more I could do. By the way, I had never "heard" from my deceased parents or seen their spirits, etc. It was just out of desperation I called out to them.

No reply.

I was very tired so I decided to lay down in the couch in the guest room, which is really just a library. But something was sticking out of the cushions. It was a card that read, "No further action can be taken on this item at this time without destroying the fabric."

It was obviously from a dry cleaning bag. Only thing is - we don't keep clothes in those closets in there. Only books and boxes. And we obviously don't bring dry cleaning in there to lay on the couch before hanging it up in our master bedroom closets.

Coincidence? I decided then to let go. I'd done all I could. There was peace in that.
 
I always wanted to be veterinarian. Started off in animal health technology, which is a story for another day. Was never caught by the instructor when I avoided working at the local pound as a placement, which we were all required to do on a regular basis, lol. Part of the job was euthanizing healthy animals, and I wouldn't do that. Actually don't remember how I managed to escape sight unseen, it was over 30 years ago, but I know it was a good plan. Never finished due to life happening, and here I am, a nurse :)
 
My favorite movie is Casablanca.

My favorite book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Jane Eyre is a close second.

If there is an afterlife where we can meet anyone, I would like to meet Primo Levi.

30 some years ago, I met Tony Bennett. I had the opportunity to party with him because my friend dated the bass player, but I didn't. I just knew it would ruin the magic of his music for me. I don't regret it.

I miss the smell of burning leaves.

I can't sleep tonight. This is probably the 4,378th time.
 
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