Terrible Anxiety About This Job

[kers]

I am proud of you! I don't see this as a failure at all. You felt--in your won words--invaded and abused, in a personal and inescapable way. The situation was retraumatizing to you, and yes it's an effect of the PTSD, but that doesn't make the retraumatization less potent. You took control and protected yourself. Sounds like a positive mood, to me.

Think of it this way: what if a friend came to you and was in tears saying she felt invaded by her boss, day after day. You might not find the boss's behavior invasive--do you doubt your friend's upset? Do you tell her, "get over it?" No, of course not. You deserve the same compassion a friend would get.

You will find something else. This is not the only job in the world!

 

[Whitneys story]

Magdalen, CONGRATULATIONS! You did the right thing for all of your family. Keep your spirits up, there is something around the corner. Be proud of accomplishing it before he really harmed you and your little one. This guy is a maggot! PS I would say your boyfriend is pretty outstanding as well. I am sending you renewed energy for that perfect job with good people. Hugs Whitney

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Oh congratulations on quitting that job. I am so proud of you. You will be ok, It will turn out ok. I am so happy for you. It may take you a little while to relax and get back to normal, but you are on your way. Oh I wish I could give you a real hug. This is the best news. You just made my day. Big hugs.

 

[Belle]

I loathe guys like that, he sounds very egocentric and insensitive. I think you have done the right thing, it must have taken a lot of energy and courage and I hope you have time to relax and recouperate after that toxic work experience. Lots of best wishes and virtual hugs.

 

[GhostedGirl]

A bit of an update. I had lunch with a friend and former co worker of mine today. Apparently my boss has now begun shifting his bull onto her, and she's already angry and exhaunsted.
"He called me a freak of nature the other day." she ranted. Then he teased her about going out drinking with staff (he's a recovered alcoholic) even though she's 25 years old.

I feel tremendously guilty. I see him digging his claws into her and others now, and as my friend ranted on and on about how pissed off she was, I couldn't help but feel like her suffering was in some my fault. She says he's keeping her late to file a whole bunch of his legal documents- which include a psych evaluation for himself and his entire family. She noted "delusions of grandeur" on his- unsurprising.

She says he's writing me a letter, where he says he's keeping my job open for me. And then the rest is filled with his analysis of my "control issues". Now to be fair, I do have control issues. My anxiety/anger peaks when I feel I'm not being heard or people aren't taking me seriously. I have nightmares where I'm bring raped or taken away and no matter how much I scream no one will listen to me, even in a crowded room. But my gut reaction is that that is not the issue here. My feeling is that he can't accept that this is really about him or his behavior. His self righteous personality is flipping this around to be about me.

I think once I receive this letter I will just rip it up without reading it. I have a feeling reading it will only enrage me and bring back all of this angry and anxiety. I've been feeling a lot better recently and I don't really think he'll have any sound observations. I think it's just about him validating his behavior.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree rip up the letter without reading it. Insulate yourself from him. You have done so well getting away from him. I am sorry you had to hear about him. What is happening to your friend is not your fault. This guy has some serious problems and will probably never change.

As much distance as you can get from him the better for you. Again I am sad that you had to hear about what he is currently doing. Please take gentle care of yourself.

 

[kers]

Yes, stay away from him and don't read the letter. No matter who works for him, they will be burdened by his behavior--your leaving has no bearing on that. Don't take responsibility for his misbehavior.

He clearly has personal problems. It's unprofessional for a boss to write a letter to a former employee like that, beyond a simple, "Your job is here if you want it." Anything else, such as a dissection of your personality "flaws" crosses all professional boundaries. It's more proof you did the right thing by getting out.

 

[Vita]

Hi Magdalen, I would say he's a clear case of NPD, desperate for attention in any shape or form. Having PTSD you're probably an easy target. These people have a special sense for that, so I've experienced. Quitting the job and getting away from him as far as possible was the best thing you could do. How are you doing now?