General The Angry Thread

[Everhopeful]

aj1 my heart hurts for you and everyone in a similar situation. I am facing the fear that I may soon be in this situation myself.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I am angry that you were not honest with me. And I am realizing that I will always be angry about that. And that makes me angry.
I am angry that you act as if this doesn't affect you and is solely my problem.
I am angry that your actions had such a big affect on my mental state.
I am angry that I don't care about whether or not you're sleeping. I am glad I don't feel that compassion for you because it would make it harder, but I am angry that its possible your actions have taken that compassion away from me forever.

 

[Badger]

I am angry that the psych meds you are on are too much and make brilliant, organized you, duller and stupider then you should be. I am angry that your drs dont communicate well and you havent done anything about that. I think is the meds that are making you isolated and incommunicative. I'm angry that you told me my poetry made you fall in love with me and then decided not to see me for 2 weeks. Im angry that you have to be the most compellingly sexually graceful and tempting seducer of me ever. I am angry that somehow at the same time your low self esteem makes you see yourself as unlovable.

 

[kacee129]

I'm totally 100% angry with him. I won't even call him "my sufferer" because I no longer want to be near, with or associated with him in ANY way. I want him out of my house. He knows he is suppose to leave but like everything else he always has an excuse. Even my dogs run and hide when he starts up. Then he will say what am I suppose to do? And when I tell him what I would do he finds something wrong with that. Poor him...everything happens to him. No one is ever on his side. He hates every F--- one of you. I'm so tired of his pity party. Won't do anything to help himself. Asks for advice, then gets mad because he doesn't like the advice, saying nobody is on his side.

This is what happened this morning. His seamstress who he has been using for a year (he makes costumes) can't seem to make the shirts correctly. So he went into one of his meltdowns yelling and screaming. Then he asked me "what am I suppose to do" and I replied (as I have for the past year) that the only thing he can do is stop using her. That lead to him screaming that he can't...he has orders...and I said "This has been going on for a year. Obviously she is going to continue making the same mistakes. Stop taking orders until you find someone else. If you are going to continue to use her then bite the bullet and SHUT UP." There was more (lots) but I'll spare you. I'm so done with this. I want my life (peaceful) back.

 

[Everhopeful]

Today I am not so much angry, but so desperately SAD. Sad that he had a cutting session the other day, a day before a psychiatrist appointment. He texted me at work about it "no matter how deeply I cut, I still feel nothing". I did not know what to do. I agonised at my desk, whilst having to pretend to all around me that everything is hunky dory. I ended up not rushing home. I texted back to ask if he needs help. He said "what can help me?". I replied "just someone to be there with you". He was non-commital. So I just said "I am here and I care". When I came home that afternoon, he was lying in bed with a cloth over his face. He had cut under his eyes on his cheekbones, as well as on his arms. Of course the psychiatrist upped his mood medications, double dosis of Lamitrogine and additional add-on mood med/antipsychotic Seroquel. He was on the upped new dosages for a week. Then complained of feeling too tired to get out of bed in the mornings. Plus kidney and liver pains. Says he's been made to take meds since the age of 12 (his late mother stuffed him with all sorts of pills as a kid). So now he seems to want to abandon all meds. Says he is costing me too much money.

I am sad to the core that his life is such a never-ending tragedy that plays itself out to the same old script, day in and out.

I am painfully sad to realise that I married him out of pity, and I married him as it took me meeting someone like him, with an extremely abused and traumatised background, to mirror my own pain back to me. To mirror to me the hurt, sad and emotionally neglected little child inside of me who has never been allowed to heal herself. I am sad that I realise that we have a sham of a marriage, even though we claim to love one another. It has been all about his pain and me trying to fix his pain (and therefore, by proxy my pain). There is a HUGE chasm between us. I know I need to let go and I need to turn inward to heal my broken inner child.

There are no guarantees that he will ever manage to heal his own brokenness. Maybe this is as far as he will ever get.

I am so desperately SAD that I could cry my bitter tears for days on end....

 

[kacee129]

Still ANGRY. He was suppose to move out by Nov 15. He asked if he could have a little more time to finish a couple shirts. I said yes. Lately, From things he was saying and doing I got the distinct impression he wasn't moving out. So this morning I told him that I needed a date as to when I can expect him to move out. He blew a gasket. I expected as much. So for the past 5 hours I've been listening to what a bitch I am. How he hates everyone. How he wants everyone dead. How he always get f---ked. On and on and on. He had an apartment lined up for Nov 15. Then he cancelled it because he was going to just rent a room. Well that didn't happen either. So he calls the apartment last week because they hadn't returned his deposit yet. Making conversation he asked if the apartment was still avail. She said no but she had one ready on Dec 15. Did he say he would take it? HELL NO. So now that I asked for a specific date he calls the apartment again and THAT one is no longer avail. Now they won't have any until Jan 10. So after he hangs up he loudly says "we know I'm not wanted around here till then" - No I don't want him here. I have done everything humanly possible to "help" him in everything. Bottom line is he has NO desire to even attempt to get treatment - so.....my bottom line is move out and on.

PTSD does not give anyone the right to be a verbal abuser, a whiner, a mean person in general. I have not been able to sleep and have had bad stomach problems for the past month now. I know it is stress. I want my peaceful life back. I'm sorry he has PTSD - or any other mental issues - but I did not cause it. He is not my responsibility to take care of. He won't help himself....so be it. He can die a miserable old man. He can play the martyr role until hell freezes over. I'm done. No phone calls (I'm changing my numbers), no emails (changing those too) and any letters will be "return to sender".

 

[kacee129]

OMG - so he just discovers his car registration expired in August (it is registered in Nevada and he is in Arizona) - so he's mad because now he has another problem to deal with. He hates his life. Wishes he was dead.... August???? and whose fault is that? So I suggested he go online to see if he can renew online or get a temporary or ????. More yelling. He hates everybody.

So he goes online and no he can't do it online because he needs a smog test and he is yelling how the F am I suppose to get a smog test when I'm in F---ing Arizona! What amazes me is that he takes No responsibility. So he asks how to register it here...I tell him....he doesn't like that he has to do multiple things. He expects me to have all the answers and when I say I don't know he gets angry.

 

[BehindBlueEyes]

I am angry that I can't express my feelings because it becomes too overwhelming. I am angry that simply because he isn't in the military but has combat ptsd that he is unable to get any help. I'm angry that he is procrastinating in getting any help seeing that it is causing problems between us. I'm angry that the PTSD has taken away his memories from the beginning of our relationship, things that are important to me. I'm angry that he is so short tempered with me and the littlest of things sets him off. More than any kind of anger there is hurt, distance, constant arguing. I am frustrated that we can't seem to communicate lately that its just one fight leading into another. I feel like we've lost our ability to understand each other. That's my rant for the day.

 

[Sandi79]

I am angry because he makes me feel like I am a bad person when I have never done anything but be kind, patient and supportive of him.

I am angry that he drug my kids and his into the relationship and turned out that he couldn't handle it. How is that fair to them?

I am angry that he says things that are untrue and he doesn't mean when he gets this way and when he has pulled through, he takes it all back

I am angry he promised to never leave and now its all he does

I am angry he hates himself when I love him so much

 

[Makadoodle]

Damn it, I'm angry that I read these posts and they make me cry because I see so much negative info and wonder why I'm even trying. Does it ever get better?? It's the same thing over and over. He's such an amazing man and he's been through so much but he just won't let me in. Damn you for coming back into my life and making me love you!!

 

[Gingerly]

I'm angry because he left me. I'm angry that he's not willing to try to work things work. I'm angry because I cry for him every day. I'm angry that he thinks more therapy is useless. I'm angry that I feel so desperate. I'm angry that he rejected me. I want him to take me back so we can start over.

 

[mamabuckeye]

I'm angry that you will never be able to care for me. I'm terrified that I will develop breast cancer or another illness and you won't be able to take care of me and the kids.

I'm angry that I was immediately thrown into this caretaker position without even knowing/recognizing it.

I'm angry I avoided/ignored the signs of you having PTSD and not didn't research/reach out for help.

I'm angry that I won't ever have the normal you back and that our lives are forever changed.