The Ptsd Cup Explanation

[maddog]

It was a while ago that I read the bulk of this thread, having just read the last few messages now, so I apologise if the below has been stated previously.

I add my voice to those who say that the nature of what spills out of the cup once it has surpassed its capacity is very individual and is likely dependent on factors such as the nature of the trauma, the person's underlying personality, current life circumstances and perceived threat/security and whether or not the ugly lump of PTSD in the bottom of the cup is of the complex or simple variety.

Mine tends to spew forth lava flows of shame, fear, anxiety, withdrawal/social isolation, depression and irrational dread, just to add some variety...

Sadly, it also seems to have been overfilled so many times that I fear it has sprung a leak, and so tends to randomly dribble these out from time to time even when it is otherwise not full.

Wish I could order a new one...

 

[ericaboo]

Somewhere in there, it mentions uncontrolled PTSD - where the cup constantly overflows with each new stress. I could relate to that so much, and why it's so important to do the work, to find out as an individual what destresses you and do what ever it takes to make that happen.

I am just not going to be able to rejuvenate myself on a daily basis in the same way others do... it's going to take a special effort. One that is specific to me and requires a process to discover, fine tune and maintain - for life.

This has really stuck in my head as a guide - a direction, when I had none. I am thankful for this analogy.

However - it does bring home a difficult realization of the daunting task of dealing with the realities of PTSD.

 

[maddog]

Yes, it certainly does. For me, one of the very sobering, yet very timely, realities is that the lump of PTSD will always be taking up space in my cup. The work I do through therapy and life and, I hope, healing to a significant extent, will go a long way to diminishing the amount of cup space that both good and bad stressors will take up, so that in time, I'll be able to fit more stressors into the cup without it overflowing.

Yet that PTSD will always be there, and so presumably, I will never be able to carry as many stressors as a so-called "normal" person.

And I'm not just being cute with the analogy in saying that, I actually truly believe that is the reality of PTSD, and why it can be managed, yet never totally cured. Just my view of course, but it's a view that I feel is truly my reality.

Maddog

 

[Bubba]

H-m-m-m. I have always wondered about that. My form of anger is not to fly off the handle but to disassociate or silently try to become invisible and leave physically. The cup analogy works beautifully to help me understand why I seem to be able to take so little 'flack' from my family with each other or aimed at me. Thank you, Anthony.

Wow! Sounds just like me - I appear calm to others, but I'm really disassociating...I can't hardly take flying off the handle and being anger. I'd rather become invisible and go somewhere else mentally.

 

[Red Feather]

I have an over filled cup now. I am an over filled cup. :eek:

What can you do when the overflowing has been so permanent and so never-ending that you no longer can identify with only the cup... but instead with all of it, with the whole big mess you presumably seem to be making ?

 

[ericaboo]

Then I guess you are probably living in nothing but constant consequences - been there. For me, it's about removing the over stimulation and stress-causing situations.

One baby step at a time, I have removed things from my life that are too much for me, and it's helped get me calmed back down.

Unfortunately, this has to be maintained or you just end up in the same situation again.

I don't know if that applies to your situation at all - just my 2 cents...

 

[Red Feather]

Then I guess you are probably living in nothing but constant consequences - been there.

It totally applies. There have been significant factors in my life that I do not feel in control of. I don't understand why I've got such bad luck to be confronted with such difficulties. It's nonstop. It's not only the abuse and trauma. It's a lot more.

I am grateful for the good that happens. But I'm not able to handle all the bad things that have happened. I'm human not a machine. That's what I am understanding lately...but I still can't really identify with that yet either. This is a nonsolid formless mess...thanks though.:x3:

 

[Broken Hearted]

thanks for that :)

 

[Nancy2809]

I have been reading the posts. I have a question. Is it common to disassociate from just your spouse and no one else? To seem like the happiest person at work at times, but come directly home and like a light switch when he walks through the door turn into someone else entirely? That's what has been happening, just wondering if this is common? Still reading posts. Is that part of the cup theory? Can walking into your house make your cup over flow?

 

[amethist]

Hi Nancy

It could be because when he is at home with you he does not have to pretend to the world that everything is fine. With you he can be who he is, he can put the mask away until next time.

It happens with a lot of sufferers, even my husband does it with family and friend, even our grandchildren see who they want to see. Then I get the fall out after they have gone home.

You will see the man you knew coming through more and more, but for now, hard as it is, try and except that for now, there is not much more he can give.

It does get better in time, but time is what it takes and there is no one size fits all for therapy or anything to do with PTSD.

Oh and dont forget, good stress as well as bad can cause the cup to overflow.

 

[Nancy2809]

Thanks Amethist. Now I guess I can understand why he refuses to go to my son's high school graduation. It's a big deal. He's Autistic / Aspergers Syndrome and he is graduating with a diploma and a B+ GPA. It's a big and happy occassion. I guess I never realized why at every holiday he seems to find something to hate me for or get angry at me for. I never thought until after reading the posts that good stress can be as over whelming as bad stress. I feel so guilty and bad. Thank you for your info and these posts are wonderful to read for me. I realize I am not alone.

 

[Tarot]

Thank you-- that was very helpful to me. I've always been told I need to stop being so stressed over little things, but it was hard for me to break the cycle. I'm better now, but still not there.