The struggle with self compassion...

[ms spock]

I really have to step up to the plate on Self Compassion or I am not going to manage the next stage of my recovery!

 

[VioletButterfly]

I think you are spot on here, @Ms Spock. As much as I fought it due to worth/shame issues, it seems self-compassion is the bedrock of healing. When I slip out of this mode/mind-set all kinds of harmful thinking and behaviors surface or intensify. I am finding that it takes a lot of inner strength to stay in self-compassion mode when working through trauma issues while also trying to live in the world. Sending strength and healing rays of light your way, and hoping you find some peace in the midst of the struggle. Take care. VB

 

[ms spock]

I did poorly when I stopped repeatedly doing the Self Compassion Breaks. I lost my sleep. I lost my eating. I lost my Mindfulness. It all went down the tube. There was a cluster of triggers that were my current downfall.

Back on the horse, so to speak @VioletButterfly!

 

[VioletButterfly]

@Ms Spock - I'm right there with you and starting again, one step/day at a time.

Sharing a thought from the 12 step programs.... "Practice makes progress." One of my favorite slogans. It keeps me focused on the practice instead of a particular milestone or goal.

Also, I keep thinking about what the last T I worked with said to me regarding how I think about my day. To think about it as a 20 point scale - some days I might get to 18, some days I may only get to 4, but each day I will try my best and acknowledge the effort. This is difficult for me as I want to be a human-doing every day, but it does keep me from overwhelming myself with monster expectation lists or pulling an end-run on myself (i.e. what's the point, I'll only fail) where I shutdown before I even try.

Sending a little ray of sunshine for you and a few fresh carrots for your horse.

 

[ms spock]

I have to do a lot of exercise to manage - so I am moving back to doing that again.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Working on this. Have really rallied for myself in the past couple of weeks in terms of being kind and compassionate with myself, and protective of myself when dealing with others on a whole other level. The outside has been horribly upsetting, but inside I'm kind of going with the flow because of all that I have learned and practiced, and because of my faith. I don't want to go into details right now, but at the end of the day, I'm glad for the person who is being revealed to me as the layers of the effects of the spectrum of abuse and negative life circumstances has had hidden are removed. I'm finding that I feel steadier, more realistic, mindful, forgiving, supportive, creative, compassionate and healthier.

I'm starting chapter 3 of The Mindful Way Through Depression. :)

Under excavation... VB

 

[Netsy]

When I started to do self compassion I had strong, solid visceral reactions of suicidal ideation combin...

Thank you for the reassurance of self compassion - I think its great to believe in ourselves and our self worth even if its for just a moment each day - it is all we need to take step by step to coping and being kind to oneself.

 

[ms spock]

Back to working on this - it is a must have for those children imbued with such ongoing slaughter of the self via corrosively abusive parents. That is their corrosiveness and I don't have to doubt myself anymore.

If I want to get mentally well, then I have to be able to ace this one. I just have to do it - again and again and again and again etc.

 

[VioletButterfly]

That dirty word "worth" has been sneaking into my thinking when working on being compassionate and kind toward myself. Thinking this has to do with the current status of my relationship with my dad and the passing of my mom. I'm feeling guilty and depressed. Huh? A little back and forth in my mind, but knowing the only way to settle the disagreement is through internal dialogue compassion.

I am now having a daily chat with myself about being present and mindful, staying in the present and out of the future/past, trusting myself, believing in myself, and checking my thinking while redefining core beliefs. Back to basics while being patient with myself. Lots of coloring, picture books and twinkle lights - a butterfly balloon and a new violet. :inlove:

Moving forward with studies and practice - I've completed another chapter in the mindfulness book. Finding it very helpful and grounding. Many insights regarding thinking and memory, and new approaches to start to try.

Hang in there @Ms Spock. Practice makes progress (at some point). :tup:

 

[ms spock]

I am still having a hard time with this but it is just one of those things that I will have to continue to work on if I want to make the next bit of progress in my recovery.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Picked up a copy of The Mindful Way Through Anxiety at the library today. Read the Into. :tup: Needing to be at the end of the book by now with all that wisdom and those skills nailed down in real-time, but at least I'm getting started down the path. Keeping the cart behind the horse for the time being, or at least trying to.

Using breathing exercises a great deal, and every other tool in my kit to stay present, mindful and on my own team in showing self-compassion. Praying a great deal as well. Have started back with my mini exercise routine. Eating more nutritiously, though still bogged down with some behaviors so am taking supplements. Work in progress. One day at a time, mostly using the 20 point scale each day to gauge how I'm doing. I've come to the conclusion that I'm doing the best that I can right now given all that I have on my plate. Still very anxious, but well, it is what it is....

 

[Netsy]

When I started to do self compassion I had strong, solid visceral reactions of suicidal idea...

Wow ! loved reading your story... it has made me think about heaps of things - thank you