The Trial

[IamFree]

I work today some people started talking about murder trials in books and tv it all sounded so exciting. I got so overwhelmingly triggered it was all going through my mind. I decided to just make a mockery of it and I turned around and said murder trials are quite boring they just speak in a lot of legal language..it was all I could do to not go completely nuts. they are boring though...and they are also a taste of hell I am ready to start telling the story.

I met up with my sisters a couple of months before it ..we had called a truce we had not been speaking. We said to each other imagine how horrible it would be if we went through all that and he got found not guilty.

we went the trial. it seemed exciting at first. my sister were crying. the judges got someone to pass them a not to be quiet

I was so obvious how as a family we did not know how to pull together we was holding hands in the stall but I never felt so further away from them.

The witnesses were all prostitutes and drug addicts like mother..two of them were teenage sisters who were hooked and working the streets..another one was such a dodgy looking guy..this was my mothers family before she died.

My sister read an impact statement about mother but I thought it was a load of rubbish she was no were near as great as she was being portrayed. I think sister just wanted try and say something nice though

they showed a cctv video of her last moments alive....in that moment there was no past and no future anymore..alls I could think was..this is not the end of me..this is not the end of me....I hope that is true

he got found not guilty..me and my sisters do not talk anymore we could never have imagine how awful it was going to be.

 

[The Albatross]

Are you trying to say you were intentionally disruptive with a present conversation because of your past experience?

 

[IamFree]

well it was an open conversation

 

[The Albatross]

Yeah k so is that a dodge or what is your point? I'm not saying it's bad to have that point of view... it is just the way you described it. You said, "I decided to just make a mockery of it" and I turned around and said murder trials are quite boring they just speak in a lot of legal language...".

I get being triggered or being too close to home. Maybe I'm missing the import of what you are looking for here?

 

[IamFree]

look darling I do not know what your getting worked up about I was just expressing my self as we all have the right to here I am going to click on unfollow from you now.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm not worked up, I'm just wondering what you were avoiding.

 

[Riot]

@Terry W, great job at expressing yourself. I can relate to having problems with that myself, even here. I can't begin to imagine going to a murder trial. That sounds so stressful.

I did want to add, too, that I think @The Albatross was just trying to get a grasp on the goal of your post since it was posted in the Anxiety and Panic Attacks section. Knowing what I do about that her, she was only trying to decipher what she didn't understand as a show of support.

Just my thought on it all. :)

 

[The Albatross]

Exactly, though I didn't think to say it that way Riot.

 

[IamFree]

possibly I took it the wrong way but hey I have ptsd....were the experts at taking things the wrong way.

 

[IamFree]

bit to late now though I had a big diva strop and ignored her

 

[Riot]

@Terry W, I think we can all relate to misunderstandings, for sure. I believe you can reverse the ignore, but that's entirely your call. I hope you start to feel better soon.

How do you feel about your reaction (as you stated, mocking) of trials? Do you think that the way others perceive trials is a trigger, or possible source of anxiety for you?

 

[Fadeaway]

:hug: It is hard listening to people talk about things they only know about from t.v. when you know what the real deal is like. It is easy to get frustrated with their ignorance.