The Trials Of Student Teaching

[InsideAWord]

Today I overheard a student in my first period say that I'm not a good teacher.

I know that that is not true. Honestly, this statement is probably stemming from 1 of 2 areas: 1) the student is having difficulty understanding the concept or 2) half of my instruction is taken up by trying to get the rest of the class to stop talking and listen to what is going on in class. So, most of the time I have to repeat myself.

I've taken steps to move forward. They're getting new seats tomorrow. But, probably the issue that bothers me the most about this is that this student is one of my top students in first period. And, she thinks that I'm a joke. Instead of dwelling and wallowing in this, I've taken steps to improve the classroom and behavior management.

However, I can't help but feel hurt. My former problem-class, which was my third period class, is now on board with me because of steps that I've taken to build a classroom climate. Now, the past week, my first period has been out of control so I'm taking steps to rein them in. I feel bad -- I care so much about teaching them concepts and ensuring that they learn, and making sure that they feel comfortable in class, but they don't see that. They just see me trying desperately to make the class clowns quiet down so that the people who are trying in the class can shine.

I don't know. I feel like I'm letting my students down. And, they'll never realize that, I understand, because of where they are at developmentally. And, to be honest, they probably don't care about how much I care or about how much work I put into my lessons.

Self-doubt is just rearing its ugly head once again. Any advice?

 

[InsideAWord]

I really would like some advice or some support from the community.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I think anyone that teaches school is a hero. How can you face so many people each day and get through to them? I can't advise you. I know there's quite a few teachers on the forum. I just wanted to say thanks for the work you do. It takes a special person to teach.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

My mom has been a teacher for over 30 years now. Teachers are so very much underpaid and underappreciated. It sounds like you really like what you're doing and care a lot about doing a good job and making a difference to your students. That isn't a common trait in the education profession.

It is so difficult when people say negative things about us. There could be a hundred different reasons for that student to say what they did but it is unlikely that it was actually because of you or your teaching. More likely is that student was feeling self-conscious about being seen as a smart kid. For the one student with a negative impression there are probably 30 others who might just like you a lot (but would never actually TELL you that - how uncool! ;) ).

You have support from me. Sending you positive thoughts.

 

[ms spock]

You might never know but she might be you biggest fan, but saying that to impress the others.

Teachers are amazing!

 

[RussH]

I would say there are several things that come into play. Abraham Lincoln said that "you cannot please all the people, all of the time" and this may be one of those times. Your teaching methods may be highly effective for 99% of your students, and 1% just don't get it; she may be in the 1%.
Secondly, perhaps you did not hear the full quote. Maybe she was saying " she is not a good teacher, she is a great teacher."

I know as a ptsd sufferer that deals with acceptance / rejection issues, comments like this can really hurt me, but in this situation you must view it objectively.
I think you are correct that the student is expressing their inability to grasp the concept, and instead of recognizing it as her challenge to overcome she is passing if off on you.
Is there a way you can meet with the student on a one on one basis, and talk her about the comment?
Also, you said she is one of your top students in 1st period; so she is an intelligent student. Is it possible that the context of the comment was a subject that does not challenge her intellectually?
So again, there can be several things that can come into play regarding her statement, and non of them have any direct relationship with your ability as a teacher.
I hope you are able to figure things out.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I think you have the right attitude. It's okay to feel hurt, but you are also not giving up, which is good. Is the class's regular teacher always present when you are teaching? I found that as long as the regular teacher was present, it was always harder to get the class to take me seriously. It's like that with substitute teachers. They just don't see you as having as much authority as their regular teacher. I think it's great that you are working on the classroom management and seating arrangements. My advice is, if you truly love teaching and even when challenged, you're still looking for ways to improve, then keep striving. Sometimes it helps to list out the positive moments from the days as well to help remind you that it's not all bad. My student teaching was a challenge, but my first year was even more challenging. Now, it's mostly good with some bad days here and there. I always get overwhelmed on the bad days and tend to wallow in them. So for me it's important to make note of the really positive moments. The other day I had two students, who were quite a handful when I had them and I had them for 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade (because it was a tiny school that kept shrinking), come to see me. It was a wonderful feel good moment to see them as freshmen in high school and know that they still think of me. Good luck.

 

[joeylittle]

My former problem-class, which was my third period class, is now on board with me because of steps that I've taken to build a classroom climate. Now, the past week, my first period has been out of control so I'm taking steps to rein them in.

This is great, and important to remember. You've solved one problem already. So, you'll just need to solve another one.

I don't know. I feel like I'm letting my students down.

Someone told me that every good teacher feels this way for the first couple of years in the classroom; and I think that's really true, actually. Learning about actually teaching doesn't happen anywhere except in the room, with the students. And when you start, it's very, very normal to be aware of how badly you're doing. I worry more about the young teachers who aren't aware of how badly they are doing; because they will never push themselves to figure it out and improve.

So, now you're actually dealing with the students, and they can be difficult, unruly, and cruel. But you are doing the right thing - you are being honest about your class environment and figuring out ways to improve it. You'll figure out first period, same as you did third.

As far as that student goes, well, ouch - big time ouch. I'm assuming you're teaching US high school; don't let a big pile of hormones (and I say that fondly) affect you any more than is useful. I don't think that student really knows what good teaching is or is not. Likely, they are just as frustrated as you at the unruliness, and you are fixing that.

Is there a teacher in your school renowned for being "the greatest teacher ever"? If you can observe them, you might find it interesting, and there might be some new ideas you stumble across. You can also just ask them to have lunch one day and talk about classroom management.

But you're doing all the right things - you're self-evaluating, you're making smart changes to address problems - just keep going. Also, remember this: students of all levels are drawn to passion. The more genuinely excited you are about your subject, the easier it is to control the room. Don't let one event in a period swamp you for the rest of the class; use your material/syllabus as an anchor, a thing you can always dive into with honest excitement.

 

[catjudo]

I think Russ and Joeylittle hit on a couple of things that I was also thinking. First, I wouldn't necessarily put a lot of value on what the students consider a good or bad teacher. For example, when I was in high school many, many years ago I had a favorite teacher and a least favorite teacher. My favorite teacher was fun and cool but in hindsight she wasn't a very effective teacher and we didn't learn much in her classes. My least favorite teacher was very strict, stern and no-nonsense. In hindsight, she was one of the best teachers ever. We learned so much and even all these years later I still use things I learned in her class and remember the exact way she taught it. I've used examples and methods she taught me as a teenager to explain mathematical concepts to my own daughter.

On the other hand, sometimes there is something to be gained from student input...as long as you're able to take some of their comments with a grain of salt, so to speak. Would it be possible for you to maybe create a sort of multiple choice evaluation that also has a space for additional comments and then take a few minutes at the end of class to ask students to complete them independently and anonymously and turn in before they leave? You could include things like do they find the class material to be too difficult, too easy, or just about right. When the teacher explains new concepts do you find her instruction easy to understand or difficult to follow? Does the teacher do a good job of explaining how the material is relevant and useful in life outside of the classroom? Are there things relevant to this class that the teacher is not teaching but you wish she would? If so, what? I'm sure you can word things differently and come up with other ideas that are relevant to your situation. Also ask if there is anything else students would like you to know about the class and they can put that in the additional comments section. Tell them that you want to make sure that they're getting the most out of the class and their feedback will help you to do that. Then when you review the completed evaluations remember that there will always be some people who can't be pleased and that teenagers aren't always the best judge. Look for trends...the majority of students answering specific questions in the same way. This may give you some guidance in how to make useful changes in the class.

And finally, I do agree that it's possible that your top student whom you overheard saying you weren't a good teacher, may just be bored. You could wait and see what kind of responses you get on your evaluation or you could have a brief one-on-one conversation with her to determine if this is possible. I would not tell her that you overheard her conversation. Tell her she is one of your top students and you value her feedback. Then ask if she thinks things are going okay or if there is anything you could do differently that would make the class better. (There's also the possibility that you only heard part of the conversation and have totally misunderstood whatever she was talking about.)

You sound like a great teacher, otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned. Best of luck to you.

 

[spookedlife]

Some things to take into consideration 1) I don't know the age range in your classes, but youths often say things they don't even mean, often for effect. Depending upon to whom the comment was made, the student might a) only have been agreeing with one of the more disruptive students, in order to fit in, or not make waves, and have just tossed the comment back, in passing 2) Diminishing another is a common way of establishing dominance, oneself, as rejection of another implies a degree of authority...and is often the sort of behavior that students exhibit, in the social hierarchy establishing period which is the school experience. 3) He or she may well have only been in a bad mood, or not cared for a particular assignment.

Those who have experienced trauma tend to be more sensitive to criticism and rejection, on the whole, by far. Which for me, I need to continually practice mindfulness with regard to my reactions...to take a step back, and weigh the facts logically, and get some perspective...to "choose my thoughts", really, as I've heard it put. Others have said "Don't believe everything you think", which is a funnier way of keeping the learning process light spirited, which I've also found is crucially necessary...if I don't, and begin making an emotional drama out of my failures to successfully do so, at first...I only end up, ironically enough, thinking negative thoughts ABOUT the fact that I cannot control my negative thoughts!

It's not an easy habit to break needless to say. But it is just that...a habit...and one we're more prone to, as those with a history of trauma...but just as one can be more predisposed to other habits, either genetically, or by nurture...weight gain, or genetic predisposition to addiction...sometimes some of us have to try a little harder on some things than others.

And that's been necessary for me, as well, to make a start on "battling my negativity addiction", to just see it as a bad habit I need to break, gradually...otherwise, in the past...I stay connected to the negative thought patterns by dramatizing them, and diminishing myself for not being more successful...as I mentioned...negative thinking about my inability to control my negative thinking!

I equate it to food addiction, in that those who are addicted to eating have a double challenge...unlike alcoholics, who can simply stop drinking...the food addict cannot simply "swear off" food. And neither can we swear off self-criticism...or looking at ourselves and our behaviors with an eye to objective critical thinking. But there's a line, as most addicts realize, after a while...the narcotics addict who must take a painkiller for a medical condition, for example...a line you cross from health, into indulging an addiction. And it's a process, to begin recognizing the line...to begin to become able to spot the toxic thought/attitude, and just stamp it with a "toxic" label, and laugh it off. Visualization has helped me too...visualizing doing just that...seeing the thought come up on a card, and a big red stamp forcefully smacking a big red official looking label that reads "toxic", and then tearing off that page, and tossing it away.

It's work. And if you don't work at it, it won't happen. Just like breaking, or forming, any other habit. And it's much more difficult, I believe, for the fact that we don't generally think of our thoughts as habits..the tendency seems to be that, because we're the one thinking it...we must base our emotions and perspective upon it, and completely buy into it and invest in it as real and valid. And the simple fact is that it's normal to have unproductive thoughts that lead you down a wrong path...even for the average person, I've learned. It's just more challenging for us, it seems.

Because, if you think about it...as you said...you consciously/intellectually realize and can actually recount all of the reasons that you shouldn't be concerned. Yet you still find that you are. So it's a tug of war between your thoughts and feelings...and that's all the more pronounced for those with histories of trauma, it seems, as well...and takes more of a struggle to invest in your conscious thoughts than in your emotions regarding these thoughts, until the thought side eventually gets strong enough to win the struggle reliably. But I've found much satisfaction in the process, when I can, again, begin to stand back and just see it as another "workout program" that I'm undertaking, and making gradual progress with, and not be overtaken by the negative emotions involved...which is part of that gradual process. If you were to begin lifting weights, or skiing, or playing golf, or anything else...you would obviously realize that you can't expect to be good initially, and take satisfaction as you improve. And the "thought wrangling" process is no different, except for the fact that it's not a material skill, which makes the concept harder to grasp, and internalize, while at the same time, not be swept up in...as it literally involves ones own emotions and mind, which are, after all, always responsible for sweeping us up, in whatever it happens to be.

And I hope you'll give yourself a break, just in general. I don't think any of the feelings or concerns you're having are unusual for beginning teachers...or even for experienced teachers, after they've settled in, at least occasionally.

So give yourself a break regarding the fact that you're preoccupied with negative thoughts...otherwise you're just having more negative thoughts! Get it? I think you'd benefit from looking into Mindfulness training/Zazen, which is what put me on the above path, and provided the best guidance in approaching it...one of the main techniques, for example...is "simply noticing"...in other words...simply noticing what your mind is doing, impassively...the labeling visualization is part of that for me, but there are any number of others, and of personalizing them as to what works best for you. Meditation and deep breathing have also been crucial, for me, and helped immeasurably.

Thank you for your dedication...teachers like you have more of a hand in changing the world than any other factor, I believe...but get no thanks, as they do it quietly, in the most stressful trenches, a little bit every day...and the results are rarely even acknowledged, by the student him or herself, much less society.

 

[BlueOrange]

This week, I've started experimenting with asking my colleagues for advice on how to cope. Their responses have either reassured me that everyone finds it difficult, or increased my options for coping. (Sometimes both.)

I suspect that technology sales and teaching offer different challenges, and call for different coping strategies, so I don't know that I can help you as much as a senior teacher can. (Hint, hint)

 

[InsideAWord]

Thank you, everyone, for the wonderful advice and kind words. I've definitely boosted the passion that I have for the topic we're studying in English. Even though I'm not that passionate about it, I'm amazing at faking it.

Ironically -- I'm sitting in my psychiatrist's office for my monthly visit. You're all correct about looking at it objectively. At the end of the day, I care more about whether or not they're learning more so than if they like me. I actually have said to my classes "Our experience will be better and easier if we like each other but we don't have to." Teachers almost have to act cocky because we really DO have to put up with criticism from so many different parties: students, parents, administrators, coworkers, the media, etc. We're not only teachers but we're also actors.

I haven't been sleeping well because of all the planning, grading, and homework I do for my licensure portfolio. I'm sure that's a contributing factor.