Therapist Cancellation

[KRM]

I've seen the issue listed here before, but I always need reassurance I have valid thoughts on this. I agreed to see a medical psychologist for issues of physical pain. Trying to be "cooperative" because I'd turned down my PCPs suggestion of Cymbalta or Lyrica. I spoke to this person and was scheduled for an appointment quite promptly, less than a week I believe. At the end of the first session, when I asked about a different time of appointment, he started talking about how his schedule is in flux and he has 90 patients to see in 45 hours. This struck me as very inappropriate. He accepted me as his patient and never made any mention of being overbooked. I said if I were going to do this I need consistency. So, saw him twice more, a week apart, then scheduled fourth appointment for last Monday at 10:30 AM. When I got up, I looked at my phone and had a text message: "Have to cancel our appointment today. Unavoidable. Will be in touch later in week to reschedule. Sorry." I was annoyed, to say the least, and did not respond. I went back to bed. When I got up there was a missed call from him with no message. I called back and said if he needed to talk to me he could call me later in the evening. No call. The week passed. No call. Monday was a holiday but Tuesday I messaged him: "It has been more than a week..... you said you would call to reschedule within the week. I'm not sure what to make of this but feel explanation is in order given my health concerns." We had talked about my anxiety, fear, and difficulty trusting. I'd also told him I'd had bad experiences with other mental health professionals. He seemed to think I should just forget about that.

So, today I get a message back: "You need to be aware that I have over 80 active patients for 45 weekly spots, so varying times weekly slots not available. This Monday was a holiday. I teach all day weds. .... There is an opening available Monday or Tuesday next week ....."

I am a person who tries very hard to communicate clearly. He said he would call last week and did not (broke his word). I feel like trying to pull the "I have too many patients" card is very unprofessional. That should not be something I have to worry about. If it was an issue, why did he not tell me sooner. He KNEW I had trust issues and we don't know each other well enough. I'm sure if I cancelled with such short notice I would be charged.

I saw a Reiki therapist today and as soon as I told her this she exclaimed how wrong it was in so many words. My usual MO is to write a lengthy treatise on this but that never works out - she said it just leaves you open to be lambasted more. What the hell is wrong with these people taking no responsibility for clarifying this stuff up front? I suspect he wants to get rid of me. I have a very complicated and unusual family of origin and upbringing where I was unintentionally lied to (about beliefs), so trusting anyone's word is very difficult. Thanks for listening.

 

[EveHarrington]

IMHO I'd move on.

No therapist has 40 hours of sessions a week. (Unless forced by a clinic-----is this guy in a clinic?) It's just ridiculous.

90 clients? He's completely overbooked! At that load he'd have clients who get in only every 3 weeks given that some are seen every week.

I think he's kind of full of himself throwing out there how popular and in demand he is.

 

[KRM]

IMHO I'd move on.

No therapist has 40 hours of sessions a week. (Unless forced by a clinic-----...

He does therapy for pain using weird stuff - so not really conventional therapy but still. Messaged me tonight he could see me Monday AM at 8:30 and needed to know ASAP. I archieved the messages to save me looking at them and ruminating, but I basically said he should have let me know in advance about this issue before I opened myself emotionally and financially. Re getting back to me, he said "I just did." I almost retorted but decided to let it go. He was like "I wish you well." I wanted really say something like FU! But was more like seemed like he really did not have the time to invest. IMHO, the therapist should be setting these guidelines up front - a patient can't know all the things to ask. If you go in with a list of "demands" and expectations, some of them wouldn't like that.

He needed to know ASAP after he kept me waiting for more than a week. Kind of says who he thinks is more important.

Oh - no not a clinic. Office in a group practice of other types of practitioners under an umbrella name, but I don't think they are affiliated - some are doctors that do special practice like for Lyme treatment. All this and he schedules his own patients - so maybe his "secretary" (himself) is overbooked and overworked. NOT MY PROBLEM what your patient load is. If you don't have time for me, don't take me as a patient.

 

[EveHarrington]

Honestly I think you'd have these struggles the whole time you see him.

He's just not very professional.

I hate to put blame solely on one side, but in this case he just doesn't seem to know how to handle client relations.

I bet you anything that he wanted an answer ASAP so if you declined he could give the slot to the next person---------who has only been waiting 6 days for a response!

He should have been upfront about his tight schedule.

He reminds me of this totally self centered (narc?) guy I used to know. Never disclosed anything and when you finally did get something out of him, it was a similar story. "You never before asked me that EXACT question so why would I have said anything?" Kind of like the married guy who doesn't tell you he's married cuz you never asked him that direct question. Smh. Sorry, my own rant lol but yes I think I know the type!

 

[PointlessExistence]

I just want to give my two cents for your reassurance. In my opinion the therapist was inconsiderate. You deserved better.

 

[KRM]

Thank you so much. Having worked in offices and hospitals and for doctors, etc., I know this was not a good move on his part. I am lucky one of my providers is a naturopath, who fully supported me here. She isn't my PCP but manages my thyroid treatment (or rather allows ME to manage it pretty much giving me what I want to try and not hung up on labs), so she is empowering and doesn't have the need to be in control. IMHO he probably really didn't want to see me and I gave away enough of my personality that he knew I wouldn't put up with it. Still pisses me off. If I ever see another therapist, there will be a list of expectations at the first visit and one question will be regarding if you mess up and cross a line are you going to admit it? I've just had just negative experiences with these people. Once DH and I were in marriage counseling. Therapist started talking about problems with a tenant she had and pronounced he was a sociopath. Really? This is none of my business and is that what you say about anyone who crosses you? No matter what, it was highly inappropriate to say such a thing. If you are having a bad day, cancel the session or cut it short, DO NOT charge, and reschedule at client's convenience?

 

[sun seeker]

He needed to know ASAP after he kept me waiting for more than a week. Kind of says who he thinks is more important.

When I've run into situations like this (not with a therapist, just with someone showing off an imbalance of power by making their time seem soooo much more valuable than mine, which is what it sounds like this guy is doing)... I've answered with their own game. They say they're very busy? I'm busy too. Let them get back to me in a timely fashion, or they can move on to someone else.

Of course it's a bit problematic if you really need what he has to offer. Is there anyone else who might be less booked?

 

[KRM]

When I've run into situations like this (not with a therapist, just with someone showing off an imba...

I'm not sure if there are others that do this kind of work but it wasn't just talk therapy. More complementary type stuff that I don't know enough about to know if it is smoke and mirrors or not. Yes, they are impressed with the value of their time. I used to do contract work for a Ph.D doing disability evaluations. He'd tell me he was sending the work, then it didn't show up - and would repeat that and not send again. Just plain rude.

 

[Friday]

He sounds perfect for someone who needs to know "why" & needs concrete details & reasons (such as number of clients & hours, teaching days, etc.)... In order for trust & security. Which isn't you. Or at least doesn't sound like you. Which is a good thing to know, not jsut what you want in a therapist, but what you don't want. Sounds like you don't want to know their schedule. That's fair. Just like someone else, who blames themselves for everything, can be completely comforted by knowing its not them/ not their fault, but just a scheduling difficulty.

People are people. Different kinds of therapists click best with different kinds of clients. IMO when you find someone you don't get on with? Take note of what worked & what didn't... & Move on. It's not a good fit. Attempting to make them a good fit, when they're not, will just cause stress. Attempting to find blame (yourself or them) will just cause grief.