Therapist Just Asked Me Not To Come Back

[camabelu]

I'm going to hazard a guess that @camabelu is referring to the post made by @Aprooster74.[/QUOTE]

This is to joeylittle and mrsps - YES, my post was meant for Aprooster. I am having a heck of a time figuring out how to correctly reply to anyone. The only choices afforded me are "quote" or "+quote". I can never find one that simply says "reply". Any help would be much appreciated and sorry for the confusion joeylittle.

 

[joeylittle]

No worries, @camabelu. We don't use "reply" here; if you want to tag a poster in your reply, (as I did in this one), use the @ and their user name (no spaces). Otherwise, use quote, and then edit. OR, you can highlight the text you want to quote, and the 'quote' option will appear.

More at: Link Removed
and: Link Removed

 

[Digz]

I know how you feel, @Fadeaway. I saw my first therapist for 2 years and while he was a good therapist while I was seeing him, he kicked me out. I have very strong abandonment issues too and it hit me very, very hard. Ironically, today, five years on, I found myself going through a really tough time, so emotional and hating on myself so much I was trying to make myself vomit... and I suddenly realised, I'm still not over that moment! I'm still not over being kicked out.
I, however, too, get why he did it. I had serious transference issues and saw him as a 'father figure', which caused intense anxiety within me because although he was a very nice man, my own father was not. I can see all that logical stuff, just like you can. I know I am much better when seeing a female therapist. But logic doesn't stop the hurt. Abandonment-triggered thoughts are ingrained within the way your brain works and have become a part of that thinking that works by itself. It's based on automaticity and therefore any amount of challenging and 'logic-ing' it generally doesn't work. The thoughts will happen, regardless. The best strategy I have found for abandonment that was suggested to me (works for other things too), is to not 'attach' to those thoughts. So when you catch your brain thinking automatically something abandonment related, or anything unproductive and related to the past, you simply acknowledge it for what it is - an old thought, a product of the past. Things I have been taught to say/think are things like, "Oh, that's my abandonment story again...", or "I'm having the thought that..." (because this divorces thought from reality). Anyway, it's helped me, so hopefully it might help you. I hope it does, at least, because abandonment feelings are horrible.

Oh, and this... @Aprooster74

I am the one that will ALWAYS be there

... and I mean this in a kind way and hope it helps your reflection. Seeing yourself as stand-alone, the only one who will always be there for you, actually sounds like abandonment issues to be. If you never fully commit, if you never fully see people as being able to be there for you as much as you can be there for you, it seems you're avoiding the potential pain that comes from the possibility of abandonment. It seems to me, you actually fear that people won't be there for you and can't be relied upon... so, hey, why try?
But, that's just a theory - I'm no therapist.

 

[camabelu]

@joeylittle
Thanks for the help. I'm going to post this and see if it works....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I understand the pain you are experiencing and you are wise to say that your heart does not know this truth/

I wish that a few of the bad therapists and counselors I had would have said to me they were not trained to deal with my issues.

I wish your therapist had helped to refer you to another better, qualified therapist.

I hope your hurts heal.

 

[AlexC]

Actually, she is kind of abandoning you. Once a therapist establishes a relationship with a client, if they later decide the client is beyond their training - they still have to see the client for a period of time to help the client transition to someone else. Otherwise it's patient abandonment and there are laws therapists are supposed to follow to prevent patients from feeling so abandoned.

Indeed.

Assuming your therapist is a psychologist, the relevant items in their professional ethics code are as following:

3.12 Interruption of Psychological Services: Unless otherwise covered by contract, psychologists make reasonable efforts to plan for facilitating services in the event that psychological services are interrupted by factors such as the psychologist's illness, death, unavailability, relocation or retirement or by the client's/patient's relocation or financial limitations. (See also Standard 6.02c, Maintenance, Dissemination, and Disposal of Confidential Records of Professional and Scientific Work.)

10.09 Interruption of Therapy: When entering into employment or contractual relationships, psychologists make reasonable efforts to provide for orderly and appropriate resolution of responsibility for client/patient care in the event that the employment or contractual relationship ends, with paramount consideration given to the welfare of the client/patient. (See also Standard 3.12, Interruption of Psychological Services.)

10.10 Terminating Therapy:

(a) Psychologists terminate therapy when it becomes reasonably clear that the client/patient no longer needs the service, is not likely to benefit, or is being harmed by continued service.
(b) Psychologists may terminate therapy when threatened or otherwise endangered by the client/patient or another person with whom the client/patient has a relationship.
(c) Except where precluded by the actions of clients/patients or third-party payors, prior to termination psychologists provide pretermination counseling and suggest alternative service providers as appropriate.

If your therapist is a counselor, there are other, similar items in the ACA and AMHCA codes.

From a professional standpoint, it looks like you called into question your therapist's preferred "theory" and "mode of therapy" (both of which, as clinical concepts, I'm reasonably well known for deriding -- hence the quotes). Also, see "not a good fit" in your original description.

To be honest, I don't know what to say in detail. My last experience with a therapist involved him thinking it was a good idea to effectively corner me with my abuser and start taking a confrontational approach (with me, not the abuser). I have a really, really long history with incompetent therapy/therapists and bullshit (that's the technical term, by the way) methods.

If there's one thing I've learned over the years, however, it's that no therapy is better than bad therapy.

As for the therapist? You have grounds for an ethics complaint. You may want to look into filing one.

 

[tacit]

I just wanted to say that I actually liked @Aprooster74's post..actually I'm very grateful for the reminder. It reminded me that the relationship I have with myself is more important than any relationship I have with anyone else. I decide whether I am worthless or not..I don't leave decisions like that to others anymore..including my perpetrators. I choose to leave the 'victim triangle' & I choose to be my own best friend. I only read references to our relationship with ourselves & how important it is for healing, growth & confidence..eg. self soothing, knowing who you really are, facing facts, etc. Maybe I just read into it what I wanted. For me, I can often forget..actually..it can not even occur to me that I exist at all, let alone can do something about, well, anything.

Also..having come from a history of playing team sports..I really enjoyed the rallying 'pep' talk.

I'm sorry for your loss @Fadeaway & I know the pain that abandonment issues can cause..not a good place to be at anytime. FWIW..something that I have learnt is that where there's doubt, there is none & that failure to act when doubt appears, will often end in tears & normally with the added insult to injury of the dreaded 'doh, & I knew it too'. Doubt usually indicates to me that something, at the very least, isn't quite right. Sometimes I know what this is & sometimes all it is, is the feeling of doubt alone, in which case I hold off on any decisions & l search it out until I do know. Then I can make & informed decision on whether it is something I can live with or not & then act accordingly. Maybe finding something that you can take away from the situation can be helpful. You knew this therapist wasn't a good fit for you & she confirmed to you why that is. You acted on your doubt & sent the email..good for you for taking charge. If she was a good fit she would have responded differently & if she was able to help you, she would have done that instead. As uncomfortable as it is, you are now in a position to get the help you need...congrats.

Cheers ;)

 

[Marima]

I had huge lifetime abandonment issues all my life which kicked off big time when my husband and I agreed to separate in 2013. I was in bits. I did a therapy called Peak States with a lady in Germany and at the end of it felt fine whether we were together or not. It has been life changing for me to get rid of this need to cling. The therapy combines EFT which has a lot of validation now for PTSD with some other techniques which help with people for whom EFT on its own just doesn't seem to be enough (EFT works for 70-80% of PTSD clients). I have/had cPTSD from birth abandonment, topped up with PTSD from an attack in my 20s, and then more PTSD from living with someone who has PTSD. I hope this helps someone to resolve their abandonment issues. Recent research suggests that talking about your problems with PTSD doesn't help much as the trauma is trapped in the body. Body centred therapies like EFT, TRE and Somatic Experiencing are much more effective. The book Healing Trauma by Peter Levine is also very worthwhile. Soldiers and Vietnam vets with PTSD were healed from their problems even after 30 years with 4 days of EFT. You can find information about it on the internet. Good luck.

 

[starlight26]

I'm sorry you had to experience that, as hard as it is, please try to see its not your fault. I hope you find someone who is better suited to help you. Take care.