Therapist Terminated With Me

[qwyoey]

This is the first time i remember you saying anything about the therapist having an erection. I strongly encourage you to reread this thread in its entirety where you have described and defended his behavior of holding you.

I agree with @Suzetig that I'm not interested in making you feel bad. But you need to practice some self observation. And for anyone else who reads this thread and needs help, I cannot help but point out there is a lot of mental gymnastics going on. A lot of what has been said by you doesn't make sense to me.

 

[qwyoey]

Also I will repeat what I touched upon earlier- I do not know who has agreed to be your "fatherly mentor" or what that means to you. But if your relationship with your therapist deteriorated into dependence and sexual abuse, I do not think that someone who would agree to be a father to an adult woman necessarily will have your best interests at heart. It doesn't sound healthy

 

[Seasounds]

After working with him for six years, with a contract that he is ending June 31st 2017 when he takes ear...

I'm sorry. I hope you are finding good connections, Keep connected. :hug:

 

[cynicalangel]

I think a lot more kindness and understanding is needed here. While there was NO mention of an erection during holding before, she did say it was because she was trying to protect him but is now telling that's what happened. I can see why she wanted to protect him. You protect those you care about. But now she is stronger and coming forward. And for the record, my T holds me. It's not unhealthy and it's not abuse. I don't understand why people seem so horrified at the idea that Ts do that. In @Kaluki 's case it's different because he experienced arousal, but there is proof that therapeutic holding can do wonders for trauma patients, especially for those who have never experienced good touch before. Not all touch is abuse, and just because a therapist does it doesn't make it unethical either. :tup:

Also, there are cases ALL THE TIME of adults being adopted. Formally and informally. There was a story about it on the TODAY Show here in the US not too long ago. It's not weird, unhealthy or abusive either. Adults need families/parents too. Who says just because you hit that magic age of 18, you are suddenly unable to become a part of a family?

I think some of the thinking is too black and white sometimes. There are so, so many shades of grey. One size does not fit all.

I applaud you @Kaluki for recognizing that what you need is a father figure. You deserve to be happy and get what you need/want. :hug:

 

[qwyoey]

Adult adoption isn't necessarily unhealthy.

But in my opinion, of which I'm allowed, a PTSD sufferer who is an adult, with adult children of her own, and tremendous emotionally injury is too vulnerable to enter into any mentor/mentoree/surrograte family, and dare I say it "rescue fantasy". I don't think this is black and white thinking at all. I'm urging caution against continued revictimization.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I hope he will be struck off. What a creep.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Three hours of police interviewing yesterday. Already the safeguarding team has stopped him working with vulnerable clients. I have to do a video statement on Sunday.
I really appreciate with you wrote CynicalAngel. I have received appropriate and healthy touch from this T. but he also eventually broke boundaries. Perhaps that is why the boundaries are in place, not because it is not healthy for some clients to be held and cuddled but because 10% of t's just can't seem to stop themselves - they experience touch as being okay and just keep taking it one step further.
I am never and never have been anti touch in therapy. I see it as extremely beneficial. However I am against therapists who use their position and power to sexually abuse vulnerable clients.
Mentoring and adult adoption is what many non developed cultures do for vulnerable adults in their social group. Shock horror. Not. I deeply appreciate that I have a therapeutic fatherly mentor in my friend who is a clinical psychologist. I am more careful of him. He lives four hours drive from me and is married and is unlikely to push physical boundaries but as you have all probably guessed, I am now not willing to take that risk and will only have hugs.
I am classed as a vulnerable adult. The police asked me if I was aware of whether the T was getting sexual gratification from rubbing my body against his erection. I had to reply honestly ; "I wasn't even aware of the perps who raped me were getting sexual gratification - I just freeze and am screaming 'please stop!' in my head."

 

[Rumors]

I am a bit confused... So, you were in therapy with him for 6 years and he would hold you with an erection and you went back? The beginning of the thread stated that you wanted to continue with therapy with him or have some closure. At what point in time did your view of him change from admiration and need to him being an abuser? You were clearly attached to him enough that you wanted to go to his house and ask him why he quit. If you knew all along he was holding you with an erection why didn't you stop him? Did you in turn have romantic feelings for him and hoped something might happen? I am just trying to wrap my mind around how after six years, or however long, it is now an issue but wasn't then. Sorry....

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Because to me he was like a Dad and I was very little in sessions. I interpreted what he did as either okay - as it was what a dad would do with their little girl (further complicated by the fact that my dad was inappropriate with me too) and also that if I complained he had told me it just annoyed the managers and they would take him off me, and I loved him as a three year old does to their beloved daddy. There is no other psychologist in the NHS in this area - when they sent me to another one after he ended with me, she was 55 miles away and so it was hopeless - I am now without therapy. Which is both awful and yet because of what he did I don't want to do therapy ever again.
It is like coming out of a fog. I was relating to him as my beloved daddy. I loved him. I adored him. I would have laid down my life for him. It wasn't sexual. It was a small child attached to their main beloved attachment figure. I went into free fall when he abruptly terminated with me. It felt like soul rape. It was emotional and psychological abuse. It was and is horrendous. but as the fog lifted and I saw that he had been duping me - telling me all sorts of stuff about how he was my 'away' daddy etc - but then it looks like I was being deceived. I was someone he could just trample on. When he touched me without my permission ( I always insisted he ask my permission first) I just froze. I always froze. All through my life when I have been abused or raped, I freeze.

But I am beginning to understand how this forum works. I tell you this, because I am vulnerable and I am fragile and I hurt and all that will happen is another heavy footed person will step in and inquisition me further - trying to blame me. You really don't seem to understand therapist abuse. How fragile and vulnerable the client is in sessions and out.

 

[anonymous]

@Kaluki it makes sense to me. I hope that in the future you will be able to find a trustworthy therapist. I can't imagine how difficult it's been for you and hope that you still have the support of your friends and family and that you will do plenty of self care. You didn't do anything wrong, you were manipulated by an abusive man :hug:

 

[Rumors]

@Kaluki
Listen, there was no blame in my post. I asked questions because I didn't understand and I am not sure you understand either after reading your post. The first thing you need to do is stop accusing everyone of either being with you or against you. You are about to accuse a man of abuse and potentially could end his career. You better be damn sure that what happened was in fact what you perceive it to be. You came on here soliciting advice and help. My questions were merely to clarify some things I don't understand and possibly things you don't either. If his intent was to abuse you then he needs to loose his license and and face consequences. If he in fact couldn't see this through to the end bc you told him you would come to his house and he now fears for his safety then he likely needs to keep that separation and not do closing appointments.
Whether you like it or not, you come across as someone who is now seeking revenge because he has abandoned you. Given that you have said that is not the case, you need to go to a therapist and get your shit in one bag so that you can prosecute the douche bag. Right now, your story doesn't make sense and if you think this forum is bad, wait until his lawyer gets a hold of you.... They will paint you as a manipulative patient with a bone to pick that threatened to come to his house if he quit. Believe it or not, I am telling you this because I want you to be ok and not because I am picking a side or am against you or attacking you. That ideology will get you zero resolve in this situation.
I hope you work it out but I won't be back to this thread bc I don't think you are ready to hear the truth and until then you will continue on the same hamster wheel with no result. I am sorry that you are having a hard time and I hope you will find another therapist that can help. I am not sure your new daddy figure is the answer.

 

[ermagherd]

So who classified you as a vulnerable adult? Does that mean you have some legal guardian? Do you live in a state home?