Therapist wants authorization and contact info for friends.

[FauxLiz]

I am really struggling with this new T so I am not sure if my anger and feeling violated is because we really haven't connected yet or if what he asked was really something that is out of bounds. Towards the end of our telehealth session this last week he asked me to consider providing him with names and contact numbers not of family members but of friends that I would be willing to give him written permission to contact them if he is concerned about my welfare.

Now this is not my first therapist or doctor or psychiatrist but never in my life have any of them asked for that kind of access. I know he said it would only be in an emergency or when he was concerned about my welfare but once I give him that information and that permission I have no control over his actions. My gut instinct is to just reaffirm my original answer which not only No but Hell NO.

So I thought I would come here and see if anyone else had given their therapist that type of access.

 

[Chris-duck]

I've given mine next of kin info in the past (two of my friends) along with instructions of when I'm okay with them being contacted. I dunno how it'd work where you live, but here there's pretty strict confidentiality and they would only be allowed to contact if you were dead/hospitalised. If it's cos he thinks you're in danger, a friend isn't necessarily the best person to be contacted.

 

[Ronin]

Yeah, I have, and it was not for the better, because he completely circumvent my expressed wishes about those relationships, disregarded that I keep in contact with them usually, disregarded the respect we have for each others work & duty schedules and altogether failed at reading situations we have entirely different communication and contact protocols for while claiming how worried he was and that I did not talk to them enough. :banghead:

So I am there with you on Hell No, and the water is wet again.

 

[Sideways]

I’ve given T’s the ok to contact certain people in the past and they’ve been responsible about it. A welfare check from a friend beats a welfare check from the police hands down.

 

[bhm]

I agree with @Sideways, I have somewhat reluctantly provided my T with emergency contact info also, just be careful who you choose, if you have someone you trust, and talk with them about it first, It's a good part of your support net.

 

[EveHarrington]

To what end?

IMHO this puts an incredible burden on your friends to determine if you are safe or not.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT TRAINED TO DETERMINE SAFETY LEVELS!

What if you are not safe and your friends determine that you are....but you then go on to hurt yourself or attempt suicide? If you survive, the friendship is extremely strained. If you die, your friend is forever blaming themselves for your death because it was “their call”.

Cops around here don’t make the call on safety, either, when a wellness check is done. You’re STRONGLY encouraged to go to the hospital where trained professionals can determine your safety level.

Don’t burden your friends. It’s not their job. You risk losing friendships.

In addition, I’m pretty sure that we can all put on that happy face and BS our friends and family members. Cops? Therapists? Psychiatrists? Not so much. They are trained to pick up on subtle nuances of unwellness, instability, and non-safety that others won’t recognize. They don’t care about making nice! They care about your safety. Friends will also want to preserve the friendship so they can be much easier convinced that you’re ok just by begging and telling them how bad it would be if you were hospitalized. This is what I’d call a faux safety net designed just to make your therapist feel better without actually providing serious help for the client.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Sideways and @bhm he already has my emergency contact info which are my two adult children. This is different in that he specifically asked for info on friends and while I agree a welfare check from a friend would be better than one from the police it is also unrealistic to think they would be able to do a welfare check as any friend that I would give him lives a heck of a lot further away than where therapist is located due to a recent relocation and he knows that. He knows I have trust issues and there is no way on earth that I would have had adequate time to make a friend I trust let alone one that I would trust with my depression and suicidal issues in my new community.

 

[bhm]

@Sideways and @bhm he already has my emergency contact info which are my two adult children. This is different in that he specifically asked for info on friends and while I agree a welfare check from a friend would be better than one from the police it is also unrealistic to think they would be able to do a welfare check as any friend that I would give him lives a heck of a lot further away than where therapist is located due to a recent relocation and he knows that. He knows I have trust issues and there is no way on earth that I would have had adequate time to make a friend I trust let alone one that I would trust with my depression and suicidal issues in my new community.

Gotcha, I'm recently relocated also, and when I questioned my T with similar concern as to why they wanted access to far away friends, they put it as to if there was anyone I could think of that I was close enough to that even if I was locked into a crisis I would still answer the phone or read a message or email that could be somewhat grounding, I guess I'm fortunate to have people that have enough knowledge of my background that I respect and trust that after I thought it through maybe helpful, I didn't mean to come off as over simplifying you situation or making light of your concern. ?

 

[FauxLiz]

@bhm you didn't oversimplify or make light of things it is just very difficult. I work in a professional field that creates a very challenging situation in relation to first responders doing a welfare check as police are not subject to Hippa requirements yet the entire department report to me as their boss's boss.

 

[bhm]

@FauxLiz I had similar issues before I was decommissioned, that's where having a non first responder contact can be useful, it can helpful, keeping them out of the mix, any other other contact with anyone aside from crisis intervention would be totally unethical, having a non first responder crisis contact worked well for me personally,

 

[Ronin]

Cops? Therapists? Psychiatrists? Not so much.

I agree with your general points (in that it is a burden on friends, and may be a strain on relationships, heavily).

Just to this note: May depend who you are.
Some people are better at bullshitting authority figures, than people cared for and honest with. So not sure I would generalize that point.

 

[bhm]

To what end?

IMHO this puts an incredible burden on your friends to determine if you are safe or not.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT TRAINED TO DETERMINE SAFETY LEVELS!

What if you are not safe and your friends determine that you are....but you then go on to hurt yourself or attempt suicide? If you survive, the friendship is extremely strained. If you die, your friend is forever blaming themselves for your death because it was “their call”.

Cops around here don’t make the call on safety, either, when a wellness check is done. You’re STRONGLY encouraged to go to the hospital where trained professionals can determine your safety level.

Don’t burden your friends. It’s not their job. You risk losing friendships.

In addition, I’m pretty sure that we can all put on that happy face and BS our friends and family members. Cops? Therapists? Psychiatrists? Not so much. They are trained to pick up on subtle nuances of unwellness, instability, and non-safety that others won’t recognize. They don’t care about making nice! They care about your safety. Friends will also want to preserve the friendship so they can be much easier convinced that you’re ok just by begging and telling them how bad it would be if you were hospitalized. This is what I’d call a faux safety net designed just to make your therapist feel better without actually providing serious help for the client.

I agree with what you're saying Eve, I'm lucky enough that I have a therapist that knows me well enough to make a good call on wether I just need my cage rattled or wether to call the proper authorties, and I have a strong enough support net, even if it's a long distance one, It's a good one and without worry of burning anyone out, they're more than anything relived I'm finally getting help, I guess it depends alot on circumstances?