Therapy approaches - Your experiences & what approaches you've found most helpful

[JaneBee]

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and I have experienced cumulative/complex trauma, a few different types that I'm not going to disclose because it feels a bit too much for me to do that right now.

My trauma ended at the end of April last year and there was 41 years of it and I'm in therapy, I've been in and out of therapy for 17/18 years but there was something I missed that meant I was being re-traumatised during recovery, sabotaged I guess by a family member and for the first time since it ended I'm navigating 'after trauma life' and all that goes with it.

I see a person centred therapist who integrates a bit of gestalt therapy and transactional analysis. I am finding therapy feels like torture when I have to talk but I get a lot out of working creatively with a wet sandtray for my nervous system and things I can't verbalise. I'm not sure if it's the trauma - which it could be, or the talk part of therapy triggering flashbacks, or just part of the process, I'm really struggling with it and unsure if I'm in the right kind of therapy (except the sandtray, I love that). I really like the space of person centred therapy and the freedom to process things in a way that feels right for me at my pace but I really struggle with the talking.

If you currently have or have had therapy, I would love to hear your experiences of therapy if you'd like to share and I'm wondering what approaches you've found most helpful, it's really nice to be in a place where people might understand what I'm going through and after so much trauma and therapy I possibly have some understanding to give back too.

I've been feeling really isolated and I guess ready and recovered enough to be in a community. I don't really fit anywhere anymore.

I appreciate you reading even if you don't respond
J x

 

[Movingforward10]

I've only ever had one therapist (save for one session with a previous one and I never returned). And she uses mainly relational and integrated transactional analysis. It was hard to get my head around at first as I really didn't get along with the language of it. But now I get it.

She, and her approach, have transformed me.

I didn't care what method she used. For me it was all about whether I felt I could trust her and if I felt I could open up. It took a while, anxious and frantic while, for that to happen and for trust to be there. But it happened.

I just think whatever method is used, the process is brutal. Trauma therapy sucks! The process of healing is traumatic in itself. But coming through the other side is freedom.

 

[Freemartin]

For me, just talking doesn’t help. It’s been retraumatizing, even. I need an approach which integrates the bodily/sensomotor aspect as well. When I mindfully experience the bodily reactions of remembering the traumatic stuff in a safe, holding environment with the support of the therapist? That’s when the magic happens.

 

[JaneBee]

Thank you to you both hearing that it's normal for the healing process to feel like this is so helpful and I've identified a need to slow down and perhaps change direction, I'm staying with my therapist because we have a good therapeutic relationship I trust them.

Talking about what happened in detail doesn't help me either. I'm going to continue my sandtray work, I could talk about how much I love the sandtray forever because it has the ability to show what I can't say and enhances my self awareness at the same time, it does so much for me. I'm also attending QiGong and Tai Chi class for my body outside of therapy, I'm "body phobic" so it's slow learning for me to develop new embodied memory/skill, and an enjoyable way to experience being in my body. I have a feeling I will get where I need to go if I keep going.

 

[Movingforward10]

The 'body phobic' thing, is that connecting with your body? I struggled with that and couldn't do breathing or feeling sensations in my body. I can now. But before it was too much. Too scary. To confronting.

And speaking about the details: my T always said that I didn't need to, we could talk about the feelings of it rather than the detail.
But, there were times when I wanted to talk about the details as I wanted to break my decades of silence. I wanted to say the words, however painful.

But slowing down is a good idea. This is tough stuff. And it rocks the boat quite a bit, so baby steps are the way to go.

 

[Freddyt]

Talking about what happened in detail doesn't help me either.

I am finding it all works in layers. First the event layer, then the what scares me layer, then the why do I feel this way layer and on and on.
Trying to "swallow the whole elephant in one bite" is way too much. As you take what hurts out of each layer you can add more detail on the next layer.

My therapy has been everywhere. We have done EMDR, Somatic, and a bunch of stuff. The talk part is for understanding, and for a break when there is no use piling more stuff on.

Talk is good though. We have mostly dealt with a couple events and in my last session my T finally gained the perspective of a timeline for how things happened, because I could finally express it as ABC rather than a disjointed story, probably because the most painful bits are less painful to the point I can express it as this then this then this without getting hung up on stuff.

 

[DSkyler]

I’ve found EMDR with a good therapists who focus solely on trauma work very effective. Especially those who understand early attachment issues. I’ve been fortunate to find a couple of good ones over the years who I’ve felt have grasped the nature of my specific issues and have been open to a constructive therapeutic alliance with me.

 

[Applecore]

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and I have experienced cumulative/complex trauma, a few different types that I'm not going to disclose because it feels a bit too much for me to do that right now.

My trauma ended at the end of April last year and there was 41 years of it and I'm in therapy, I've been in and out of therapy for 17/18 years but there was something I missed that meant I was being re-traumatised during recovery, sabotaged I guess by a family member and for the first time since it ended I'm navigating 'after trauma life' and all that goes with it.

I see a person centred therapist who integrates a bit of gestalt therapy and transactional analysis. I am finding therapy feels like torture when I have to talk but I get a lot out of working creatively with a wet sandtray for my nervous system and things I can't verbalise. I'm not sure if it's the trauma - which it could be, or the talk part of therapy triggering flashbacks, or just part of the process, I'm really struggling with it and unsure if I'm in the right kind of therapy (except the sandtray, I love that). I really like the space of person centred therapy and the freedom to process things in a way that feels right for me at my pace but I really struggle with the talking.

If you currently have or have had therapy, I would love to hear your experiences of therapy if you'd like to share and I'm wondering what approaches you've found most helpful, it's really nice to be in a place where people might understand what I'm going through and after so much trauma and therapy I possibly have some understanding to give back too.

I've been feeling really isolated and I guess ready and recovered enough to be in a community. I don't really fit anywhere anymore.

I appreciate you reading even if you don't respond
J x

This may sound ironic but it's not. The best thing therapy did for me was to help me realize that therapy is not for me. My testimony so freaked out my first therapist that he said he didn't know what to say and was struck dumb. When I emailed to say I was quitting because he was refusing to help despite my pleading, he didn't even reply.

So what did I do instead? Cut alcohol and carbs while I increased exercise and nature. Got a better job and better friends. Took winter vacation (instead of summer) to boost sunshine. Told my story to people who could handle it, after realizing that most people can't - even that professional. Read as many self-help books as possible, threw most away and evangelized about the good ones. Gave myself an audit for narcissism and tried to be both kinder and more honest.

I've gone on a long journey from suicidal to content. I firmly believe that everyone can.

 

[Sues]

This may sound ironic but it's not. The best thing therapy did for me was to help me realize that therapy is not for me. My testimony so freaked out my first therapist that he said he didn't know what to say and was struck dumb. When I emailed to say I was quitting because he was refusing to help despite my pleading, he didn't even reply.

So what did I do instead? Cut alcohol and carbs while I increased exercise and nature. Got a better job and better friends. Took winter vacation (instead of summer) to boost sunshine. Told my story to people who could handle it, after realizing that most people can't - even that professional. Read as many self-help books as possible, threw most away and evangelized about the good ones. Gave myself an audit for narcissism and tried to be both kinder and more honest.

I've gone on a long journey from suicidal to content. I firmly believe that everyone can.

What books do you recommend?

 

[Applecore]

What books do you recommend?

First of all I would say that we're all unique and will respond to books differently, and also that the best recommendation I can make is to read as much as possible and drop books you don't get along with and move on.

Now I can mention three that I like and might not be for everyone, and ironically they are quite different to who I am in different ways.

To start:

*The Examined Life: How we Lose and Find Ourselves by Stephen Grosz about therapy at its best, and like I say I think therapy is great for some people and its not for me. It's really about self-deception and false perception, and how this can be overcome by us telling our story to a good listener, which is very helpful for post-traumatic recovery.

*Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser about post-traumatic growth but it has a woo-woo aspect that is not me at all. What's uplifting and empowering about it is how it reframes disaster as something that makes us new, in keeping with my self-help strategy of replacing negativity with being thankful for what we've got, and seeing great value in the most little bits of goodness.

*The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson which sounds arrogant and selfish, which I try not to be. But in fact, it's about being less self-orientated as a result of our pain and how that can help us recover.

One of my life issues was growing up with a mother in a cult, so I read the heck out everything anti-cult out there. Dad had infant war trauma from WWII so I read the heck out everything PTSD out there. If your family or life issues are different, say alcoholism, autism, eating disorders, dissociation, whatever - you need to read the heck out of your issues. It will help.

I would also recommend YouTube for talks about therapy, psychology and personal growth, again not treating anything as gospel and everything part of the mix.

For example, I am much less interested in Jordan Peterson than I used to be, I've pretty much gone off him, but early on his YouTube talks introduced me to certain understandings about depression, recovery and psychology that were really useful. He should have stayed the hell out of politics and gender warfare IMHO - and I say that as a centrist who sees good and bad in left and right.

There's a huge amount more out there to explore to see what is and isn't helpful for us individually. So keep looking and keep making autonomous decisions.

And don't forget to get out of your head because The Body Keeps the Score (an okay book too). Increase exercise and time in nature (and cut sugar, alcohol, weed, possibly meds) as you increase reading and YouTubing.