These Are Dark Days, My Friends.

[Matt1055]

I've been lurking here for a while, and I've replied to a couple of threads trying to figure out the folks here can be trusted. I guess reached the conclusion, because now we're going all in.

however, come closer and closer to this prescipice. so dark, so sad.

Cal

 

[Leah Morgan]

I think people here can be trusted. Nice to meet you, hi.

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome!

It's rare that someone here can't be trusted. It's fairly unusual for someone to violate rules. If they keep it up, and Admins boot them.

This is one of the few safe places on the Internet, IMO.

 

[sun seeker]

Welcome! I'm glad you decided to post.

 

[shimmerz]

so dark, so sad.

I think you just let a little light in by jumping in! Welcome!

 

[Deleted member 29961]

Hey Matt1055,

I think most people here have had trust issues at some point in time, I know I have (still do). I think you will find people here most trustworthy.

 

[Matt1055]

Well,ok.I don't want to talk about this s*** in public, or even amongst Vets. grew up in a military family, and, my dad was an adherent to the notion that everyone was making up everything they complained of.

for what it's worth, he was intellectually consistent... And he suffered chest pains, he delayed treatment until the Mesothelioma was in stage 4. he was gone within a year.

would it surprise anybody that I turned to alcohol and other drugs to resolve my own issues.
I don't think I ever considered myself a sufferer of PTSD, as result of my service. however, as I was on my way into the local VA hospital, I came around the corner to find a minivan that had just rear ended another vehicle. flames beginning to shoot out both the grill and the windshield cowl of the minivan, and as I drove past I saw it a person seated in a wheelchair in the back of the minivan. I immediately stopped my own car, and three or four of us were involved in ripping open the doors of the minivan and getting the old lady out the back. she was in such a state of shock, that she couldn't even speak.afterwards, I continued up to the VA hospital, attended my group, shared about this, and was feeling just ducky!

however, within 12 hours, felt myself spiraling, just falling into this deep depression. if I didn't do something, I'm gonna' blow my f****** head off.

so I goon this two-week tear, much damage as I can do... get clean for a couple weeks, put my place back together, start to put my life back together. One of the bright ideas I had, was to get a companion dog for my dog. my dog it's coming up on 8 or 9 years old, and I'm thinking it would do him some good to have someone who light a flame under him!

So, I adopt the dog from a local shelter. Italian greyhound, beautiful dog. I'm trying to do the right things here, and "stack the deck" in favor of this dogs success- the dogs were introduced on neutral territory, got rid of my dog's "high-value" treats (soup bones, etc.), bought a Martingale collar (greyhounds have large necks and comparitively small heads. They can wriggle out of a normal collar), and set up a homey crate for him to have someplace secure for him to retreat to as he gets adjusted.

The second day I have the dog, a neighbor at my condo complex comes around the corner with his white lab (mind you, the lab did nothing aggressive, in fact, I know that this particular dog is a real cream puff). the sight of the other dog spooks the greyhound... even by the time I glanced down at the leash, the collar was empty.

I saw my greyhound running out of the condo complex at an amazing speed. we have a busy highway half mile west of my place we have an interstate highway about a mile east of my place, and a large, busy Road north of the complex. I spent the next couple hours frantically trying to find, and corner this dog, to no avail. I did everything that I believe I could do, and gathering the calls that some of the other property owners in the neighborhood placed the cops, probably did a few things I shouldn't have. screw 'em.

I have to admit, that I see negligent pet owners on the same tier as child molesters.I just don't see how I could have been so goddamn stupid, and careless, and unbelievably irresponsible, when I am charged with the safety of this creature. I blew it, I was already coming out of the depression and this sent me screaming back into it. it's been a dark few weeks.

is there anything here that anyone else can identify with?

Matt

 

[Deleted member 29899]

Identify with darkness, regret, self-loathing and depression? Yep. You're in the right place.

Glad I don't drown my sorrows anymore though. It makes things even harder and darker. If I was still drinking I'd be dead for sure. I can guarantee you that.

Don't blame yourself about the dog. These things happen. Less than hours after I adopted our abused lab rescue dog she wriggled under a hole I didn't see under the fence. We were sitting right there. It was rush hour. She ran as hard and fast as she could until she reached a busy intersection. Got hit by a car in the middle of an intersection. Bleeding from nose, mouth and ears. I was just sick. Absolutely sick. It was my fault. I hadn't done a thorough enough job dog-proofing the yard. Let's just say it was an unspeakably expensive 2 weeks and I didn't even know this poor dog yet. She survived thank goodness. Then came years of therapy because not only was she traumatized and beaten prior to getting her, she was even more messed up after the accident.

Turned out to be the best dog in the world but I will never forget that. It was nightmare. Bad things happen randomly, even if we contributed to it.

So you haven't seen the greyhound since? It's unclear from your post.