Thinking Therapy Makes Me Worst?

[heyitsruss]

Not feeling too good mentally. Just left therapy and kinda noticing a trend. Every time I go to counseling or therapy I always leave more on guard and angry than I felt before I came.
Short tempered, anxious, panicky, heart beats faster, shortness of breath.
I noticed I am always this way after therapy, this can't be normal.
My wife is secretly mad at me at the present moment. I'm sure she'll let me have it when her brother leaves.
Our dog scratched our toddler son on the face by accident and I dragged him in the crate to cool down and said if I had a gun I would shoot him in the head in front of everyone.
Now I always say very random and off the wall stuff that makes ppl uncomfortable in a way. That's part of my anxiety and I really can't control that.
But I'm thinking my behavior is too blame on my post therapy mind state. Am I crazy, redirecting my anger at anything or what?

 

[BaMuoiBa]

I can't say say that I've experienced that, I usually feel drained after dumping stuff. Thinking it over I can see where it could trigger some serious emotions depending on what the topic is about.

Yeah, the ol' ready,shoot, aim business has put me in some tough spots over the years.

My "T" told me to try to replaying the scenario back exactly as it played out after I calm down. The secret is to listen to what exactly you said and the "tone". I became aware of some of the things that I really have to careful not to react too. I've been able to detect rage, envy, fear and a whole host of undesirable emotions just by the tone. On the other hand I can say stuff that i believe is in jest and piss-off a whole dinner party and still think it's funny.

You have to remember that at some point during out lives killing was a valid solution to problems.

Hopefully NOT today.

The freaking "beast" is like a Genie - "once it out of the bottle you can't put it back in"

Good Luck........

Ba

 

[Jimmy1]

Not feeling too good mentally. Just left therapy and kinda noticing a trend. Every time I go to counseling or therapy I always leave more on guard and angry than I felt before I came.
Short tempered, anxious, panicky, heart beats faster, shortness of breath.
I noticed I am always this way after therapy, this can't be normal.
My wife is secretly mad at me at the present moment. I'm sure she'll let me have it when her brother leaves.
Our dog scratched our toddler son on the face by accident and I dragged him in the crate to cool down and said if I had a gun I would shoot him in the head in front of everyone.
Now I always say very random and off the wall stuff that makes ppl uncomfortable in a way. That's part of my anxiety and I really can't control that.
But I'm thinking my behavior is too blame on my post therapy mind state. Am I crazy, redirecting my anger at anything or what?

Russ, this is all normal mate.

Think about it like this. You have your mind all locked up like a platoon harbor. It's all secured with wire, claymors, etc etc. You have it like this so you don't have to experience all the unpleasant memories.

You therapist has a job to do, he has to clean it all up so he has to go in there and disable your claymors, undo the wire etc, to get to those memories. He has to bring them to the forefront of your mind so you can process them. After a nights sleep you are generally good again.

Every day after therapy I spend the rest of the afternoon quietly and my wife is aware of this.

Let her know buddy. These periods will become less and less intense as the time goes by. Think about it though, you have had months, even years of trauma and memories to sort through.

Cheers

Jimmy

 

[reddevil1111]

Therapy is best thought of in phases. Just like Marine Corps bootcamp.
Phase one is intense and worse than what you felt before. this is natural as your bringing up all the past and dealing with some of your stressors.
Phase two is focus on those stressors and how to deal with them. How to cope.
Phase three is the final phase. Dealing with day to day stress and how to focus on those issues and face them properly.
I am not your therapist but this is the general model used for treatment. If you keep in mind your dealing with the same stuff you have repressed and locked up for so long its easy to see how you can get worse before you get better.
I think for me it was the hardest part of the therapy. My wife decided enough was enough and left me during this phase. It ended up relieving me of a lot of the stress I was facing every day and that was for the better for me personally.
Try like a madman to remove the things that you can that are stressors. Manage the rest as much as you can and work on the stress relief daily. I cant say enough about finding some method of reliving stress.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Russ

What you're experiencing is quite normal for an after session response. You're delving into areas that you haven't been either at all or in a long time. So, you're stirring the pot so to speak. In a way it means that you're making progress even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment.

It's not going to all just go away in a short period of time or at all. Part of therapy is learning how to cope with and deal with your feelings and anger and anxiety. I still get anxiety attacks. I've learned though, what to do when it happens so that I can get through it and carry on so to speak. Therapy helps to give you the 'tool kit' to enable you to be able to do that. If I hadn't learned the things I did and do in therapy I don't know what I'd do when these things occur. It takes time Mate, a long time. You can't worry about what people will say or think. They'll do that anyway. Therapy is hard but it helps. Stay the course.

If you ever need to talk about this or anything pm me.

JarHed

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

One more quick point: Therapy takes energy. You'll be drained afterwards. Don't expect to leave the session, and jump right back into your day.

Try to explain that to the rest of the family. Let them know you need some time and space.

 

[Ronin1]

I would say that you should keep the therapy. Hopefully in time, the therapy would make you more tired, than on guard.

And about you saying stuff. Well. I do the same thing. When my daughter gets me up in the red, I'll say she's the biggest mistake of my life. It's not true, but I still say it.
When something happens, I'm often quick to say that I'll smack someone. Would I do that? no. I would never do it for real.

I think it's a kind of valve. That when you say it out loud it works as a stress relive, instead of building up the steam inside... Makes sense?

 

[Chin Strapped]

Therapy encourages Your mind to start thinking, a normal response. Got to work things out before that gets easier, slow process of course.

 

[Jimmy1]

Before we deploy we live on two sets of values/training, those that we were taught as a child growing up and those the military taught us.

Now when our life is threatened what set of values/training saved our lives? Was it algebra, opening the door for a woman, etc, etc, or was it the military values? Easy one hey. So when PTSD happens to us we are left with a confused mind full of trauma, memories and our training. So when stress happens, we do what we know best, go on the defense. Therefore, when we think about a certain series of events which upsets our mind, we get angry and get defensive.

Therapy and talking about our traumas with a therapist there to guide us, helps put the memory where it should be and teaches us that it's safe and our IA (Immediate Action) does not have to be a violent outburst.

Now we have to take into account military conditioning too. Someone who has done over 10 years service will be living life like a marine, soldier, sailor, etc, whether they know it or not. It would take them a long time to not get a hair cut, or shave, well most people don't.

I still get up at dawn and very rarely sleep in, I still have short back and sides and cleanly shave regularly, I still like to make my bed as soon as I get out of it, it's so ingrained. My morals are still changed too.

Sorry for waffling, but if I had a therapist living with me and each time I went to shave or get a haircut they talked it through with me as to why I was getting one or shaving, I could undo that conditioning eventually. So as you could see, just to deal with traumas can take months.

Then again, there are those that are totally different, those who never get affected by battle or those that can leave the military after 20 years and not be changed.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Jimmy,

You said. "...there are those that are totally different, those who never get affected by battle or those that can leave the military after 20 years and not be changed". I wonder if they are just better at hiding what they feel.

My father flew B-17s and B-29s during WW II. The only time I ever got a hint of how his experiences effected him was one day when he told me about picking up boots with a part of a foot still in them so that there was something to put in the coffin after a crash landing. I'll never forget the sound of his voice or the look on his face. And just that fast the look was gone.

We Nam. vets. wrote the book on faking it. We learned from our fathers that men don't cry. We were raised on John Walyne movies and Green Bay Packer football. Society tought us that "you can either keep it to yourself or spend the night in jail". We didn't talk about it because the folks back home didn't want to hear.

Thank God for this forum. Thank God that at least we're beginning to talk among ourselves. But, society still has a long way to go. Too many are still waving the flag and ignoring the blood. That's gotta change my Brothers and Sisters. That's gotta change.

SD

 

[heyitsruss]

Thanks Jimmy, you were right. It is better just to spend the rest of the day after to myself to give my mind time to collect and process, just to cool off. Gonna practice this.

 

[heyitsruss]

I would say that you should keep the therapy. Hopefully in time, the therapy would make you more tired, than on guard.

And about you saying stuff. Well. I do the same thing. When my daughter gets me up in the red, I'll say she's the biggest mistake of my life. It's not true, but I still say it.
When something happens, I'm often quick to say that I'll smack someone. Would I do that? no. I would never do it for real.

I think it's a kind of valve. That when you say it out loud it works as a stress relive, instead of building up the steam inside... Makes sense?

Very good and helpful advice. You make a strong point in the whole valve sense. Sometimes you just need yo release a little steam before you blow the cap.
I have noticed that when I can speak my mind in a normal calm way the outcome is very much better than when I explode.