This is why we end up dead

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington
I am an RN on a geriatric psych ward. I've only worked there six...

No, it's not full, not in the least. This is insurance funding BS. My dad said I will appeal if the decision to let me in is no. Where I was shouldn't matter-----I know that people are admitted to the psych ward all the time just for feeling suicidal (with no action), but I'm having it held against me that I didn't get to the right department even though I made a serious attempt? Ugh!

My dad knows the head of the psych unit at the hospital so the next step is to contact him and see if he can be of any assistance.

The stupid admittance forms for the program even say it's for people who need support in staying out of the hospital. How many more times do I need to try and kill myself before I'm eligible for treatment?

 

[joeylittle]

@EveHarrington - that is all just so horrible for you to have gone through. Just, it makes me want to scream.

My only thought is to reach out to the attending who discharged you and ask for a referral to the program. But I do not know if that will work. Contact being made between the ward director and the doc who assessed you could help as well. I'm cautious to suggest it, only because I don't know if you'd get any movement. But if you are up for it, you might.

 

[Friday]

The stupid admittance forms for the program even say it's for people who need support in staying out of the hospital.

Ahhhhh. That's why. It's a transition program. For revolving-door patients / frequent fliers.

There's a group of people who will spend 6mo inpatient, be discharged a day/week/month and be inpatient again for another however many months, be discharged, be inpatient, be discharged, be inpatient... round and around and around again.

Upside #1? This would have been a terrible program for you. It's assuming you already have a really strong base of inpatient care, but need help learning how to be in the real world / how to use the skills they've been taught in the real world. The psych stuff they have down, the real world stuff they don't. Meanwhile, you're the opposite. You need help with the psych stuff. But real world stuff you can do.

Most day programs are more IOP, rather than support staying out of the hospital, but especially in recent years people have decided it's absolutely ridiculous to just keep rehospitalizing patients who wouldn't need inpatient if they had help transitioning, but since they had no help transitioning? Have de compensated so badly they're back to square 1. And really do need to be inpatient again. These programs are fulfilling the same function the nursing homes do for medical patients who need help transitioning from hospitalized care to home care as they need a lower level of care, as opposed to nursing homes who are taking people from home for a higher level of care. Different parts of the arc. You need the beginning part of the arc, not the end.

One of those medicalese things that sounds like one thing in plain English, but mean something else in hospital-land. Sounds like they did a crap job of explaining that. Yes, of course your not high risk for repeated hospitalizations if you haven't spent the past couple years of your life wasted in a revolving door. It doesn't mean you're not high risk for other things.

Upside #2 That the program exists close to you? Gives you a great resource for later, if you decide to go inpatient & need help transitioning out.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Im so sorry @EveHarrington! I've never been inpatient. Even with all my suicide attempts. In Florida, you have to admit you were attempting suicide so in the ER I am like "nope, I took 200 pills on accident". Legally they couldn't put me inpatient unless I said I took them in an attempt to kill myself. The 2nd one I had 8 Drs around me trying to get me to admit it was a suicide attempt.

All the other times I just woke up or my body threw up the pills which happened with the bulk of my attempts which is why I took zolphram (or whatever it is) - a prescription anti-nausia med - an hour before I OD'd. Yeah, still threw it all up. Yeah...

Anyway, point is, I have zero experience with psych wards and hospitals so I can't really give you advice. I think that is totally f*cked up, though! What measures high risk? So, they want you to make another attempt on your life and go inpatient again? That is so f*cked up as another attempt means you may be successful this time! :banghead: Hospitals!

I'm sorry! Know I am here for you! :hug:

 

[Sideways]

Don't give up Eve. You deserve to feel better than you do. You deserve to have a more fulfilling life.

I can't offer practical advice, but I can say that my thoughts are with you. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[hodge]

I am so sorry I don't know of any advice, just :hug:s Hang in there. You are valuable and we love you. I would be devastated if you were successful in an attempt and I'm sure so would many others in your real life and here. Please, please keep that in mind. I know how painful things can get, but please hang in there.

 

[EveHarrington]

This agency is so f*cked up.

I was offered a mobile crisis appointment but they know my insurance is not accepted and my alternate funding has not been approved. I don't have hundreds of dollars to waste on this.

I'm sick of this stupid agency dangling help in front of me and then pulling it away.

f*ck them all.

After all, suicide attempts don't count until you make it into the psych ward. Therefore I have no problems.

 

[Casey_03]

Would they take you into the psych ward if you went and told them you were having suicidal urges and intended to harm yourself? I think that's how it is where I am. But don't know about hospitals where you are, or if you'd even want to have to go through that just to get into a program.

 

[anonymous]

I had a situation once where a hospital refused to do a psych assessment because a chaplin had seen me. Because that's the replacement for a psych assessment?! I called the suicide crisis line from the hospital and they actually called the freaking hospital and told them not to let me go. Omg. I can't write about it, it's soooo f*cked up what can happen.

I knew I was a danger to myself. I knew. The hospital discharged me with no psych assessment and the suicide crisis line called for a welfare check. Police came and I told them I was actively suicidal and that I tried to get help and what I would do without help, and they put me on a hold, and the paramedics took me back to the ER. Then I was assessed and admitted.

If you get to the point where you don't think you can stay alive without help pronto, you can walk into the ER, say I'm suicidal and here is how I am planning to act on it... clear and to the point, they should keep you.... "should" being the key word.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. This agency sounds terrible.

 

[whiteraven]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this Eve. We have some seriously f*cked up mental health "care" here - it seems to be specifically designed to keep us sick or make us sicker. I worked as charge nurse on a psych unit for 5 years and I haven't trusted hospitals since. But care generally is very lacking in my experience and what you said "This is why we end up dead" is something I've said more than once to my therapist. When he wasn't hearing me, when I was *screaming* at him to hear how desperately suicidal I was and yet, I somehow didn't meet some invisible criteria.

Again, I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't help much. But you are not alone.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

If you get to the point where you don't think you can stay alive without help pronto, you can walk into the ER, say I'm suicidal and here is how I am planning to act on it.

That is exactly what I'd do. f*ck the "I'm activily suicidal"! No...its "I am going to kill myself and this is exactly how and when I plan on doing that". Psch hold 72 hrs (here anyway) and now you have that extra psych hild that day program wanted.

Though, I agree that the day program sounds super f*cked up and a place I would not want ti attend anyway. Maybe the psych ward has resourses?

 

[heyyou]

This agency is so f*cked up.

I was offered a mobile crisis appointment but they know my insuran...

Hey Eve, I don't know if this will raise you up even a little bit but I remember first coming to this forum and seeing you say hi to me and another new member in the chat. I thought that was sweet of you. And I just want to say that I think that you're a very kind person. I know this is a trauma and ptsd forum but I wouldn't ever have expected someone happily greeting newcomers to this site to have all of these troubles you have. You're incredibly brave for choosing to live and I think you're wonderful! So please do keep living. I hardly know you but from the little I do, I really do think you're an awesome person who's very, very worthy of love and happiness. I hope things get better for you!