Today

[tigrou465]

Sunday afternoon and I'm alone-- well with my cat and my dog... My daughter has left for her father's place for the week. Everytime she lieaves, I feel down. But at the same time I'm happy about it (I feel so weird about that). I can do whatever I want - no one will disturb me. For an example, if I feel like sleeping all day, I can do just that because she won't be there to tell me it not good to stay in bed... I'm so confused. I don't have any plans for the week. I should go to the grocery store but I just don't feel like it. I should take the dog out but I don't feel like it. Maybe a coffee - nahhh, Everything is like that - just don't feel like anything. Does anyone else feel the same? I'm taking meds (lots of them), I see a therapist each week, I have a wonderfull team of doctors and yet I don't feel any better from my depression. My anxiety is on a scale of 10, at the 8 level. Grrrrrrrrrrr I hate being and feeling that way. Maybe tomorrow will be better!

 

[externalsmile]

I'm alone with my cat and dog too. I had great plans for the weekend to get out and about because my mood is so bad but got caught in because of all the snow.

It is so hard to motivate yourself to do something so take it in small steps. Make sure everyday you are up, showered and dressed by a certain time. Then out for a walk by another time. House tidied by whatever time. And get out and visit at least one person in the evening. As much as it killed me to not lie in bed all day it does get me back to a better level of functioning quicker when I have a sceduale or list of things I have to achieve in the day.

 

[tigrou465]

Thanks - I know all that but still today nothing seem to work. Just felt tired. Maybe tomorrow will be better and I know that tomorrow I just can't sleep, I have to be at a friend's place by 9. But you are right about a schedule. Thanks again and take care.

 

[Béatrice]

Above all don't feel guilty about any of it!
Hugs xxx

 

[Iam]

That is good advice Externalsmile. I have been getting up early, showering and trying to accomplish at least one task every day besides what I "have" to do. It does help even if it is just something small.

 

[PTSDT]

Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between alone and lonely. I was always an introvert and enjoyed reading, quiet time, watching movies alone, etc. But as I relive my trauma, I am feeling very lonely and needy. It is very confusing. Hopefully, as I work through my therapy, I will find a balance that is the true me.

 

[anni]

Yes, I do hope you don't add feeling guilty on top of all this-it's not warrented. There's no need. Depression just plain sucks, plus it sounds like perhaps there are things going on which could explain some of this. Knowing the why's-the facts-can be helpful since you can let yourself off the guilt hook a little. For instance, you say you're on a lot of meds. I know I had to really, really watch those. I am NOT a purist-meds have their uses, like a tool, you know? I think they are very specific since our chemistries are specific. What works well, and at what dose for one person is awful for another. It's far, far different from an antibiotic which really can be prescribed as to a person's weight, etc. Some docs just look up some 'recommended dose' and DO that, and it's not a good thing. It's possible you're on something which isn't doing the correct thing, or too much of it, or it's interacting badly with another and noone on the professional end is catching it. Even if you trust you docs, some of them just think you're fine if you don't say anything. It does sound from your description like you're depressed, or perhaps sort of have a very overly flat aspect-something which isn't correct. I'm of course not a professional at ALL, it's just that I've been around the block an awfil lot of times with the med thing. Even the good docs can miss something, or need some time to get things correctly balanced for you, really.

It also sounds like you've tried to picque your own interest in the world, but have to say sometimes it IS helpful to sort of force yourself to the first step. Making yourself take the dog for a walk can tick off an enery flow of just plain feeling like getting something else get accomplished. No, it's not easy and a pain in the *ss to get up and DO that, but sometimes we just have to kind of bully ourselves to the next level, I think.

Take care, I hope the dog isn't looking at you with those hopefull eyes you can't avoid, like mine does. :) Talk about guilt! :)

Anni