Too Much?

[MorningDove]

Hi again everyone,

So things are still a mix with my sufferer. We don't text anymore but we are having better in person communications. He is back to giving me a hug when we see each other and talks to me and teases me endlessly in our group. Friends say he watches everything I do. As usual, I am not in any hurry to move things along any faster than he is ready for but I wonder if I am doing too much. I recently had a birthday and was given some great music that I know he would like. I have made cd copies before for him (of these groups) and let him know I would copy these too. He won't friend me on FB but we have many mutual friends and today I "liked" his posts on one of their pages. (something I have held back from before) A very close mutual (suffering) friend has told me to move slowly, not to stop but to move slowly. I know it is good to keep a steady presence with sufferers to let them know you are there, even if they are not always able to reply. I am a hopeless optimist with a bottomless heart so it is easy for me to just keep pouring outward. I travel a lot and often and send e-post card pix and short movie clips of my adventures. The one time that I didn't, he asked about them. Sufferers-any thoughts on when to say when as far as these outreaches go? As my intuition is telling me it is now, for now I will stop as I go on the road again tomorrow. And then I will see him again on Monday. Thanks.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

All I can say is to follow your intuition and keep your heart in check.

I think every once in a while you can test the boundaries to see where they are as long as you are okey dealing with how the other person might react -

Just my two cents -

Take care - Laurie

 

[whserenitynluv]

Sounds like maybe you should let him go.

 

[MorningDove]

Sounds like maybe you should let him go.

Can you tell me more specifically about why you think that? I do try to let go and then when I see him he chatters with me and jokes around with me a lot. Makes me feel like we are close. Such a cat and mouse thing... This weekend we have a job together and he and another friend are supposed to help me with some stuff. uggh. Luckily I have started to branch out in my social life again in addition to needing to mind the home front more now that winter is coming.

 

[whserenitynluv]

I was in a situation a couple of years ago where I was friendly with someone, which I am friendly with a lot of people. This guy took it as I was into him, went way beyond logic with it. Involved many people, tried to boycott me. I confronted him one day, and told him yes, I thought he was cute, but I am a big flirt, so by saying that was nothing more than that. He thought these things from rumors he had heard. One rumor from an ex of mine who claimed to be a non abuser, when in actuality he was a huge part of abuse in my life, but because naturally he was a bully ( the reason why I left) he felt like he needed to get other people involved, to prove something, and I don't know why, nor do I care. One of his friends told me one time all of these things that weren't true about me, and come to find out it was from my ex boyfriend again. I came to to the conclusion that my ex boyfriend had to do what he had to do, talk about me, bully me some more in any way he could. It freaked me out at first, but I'm slowly getting better.
From that situation though, just like you, I've learned that moving slowly is best. (Hard for me, but advice taken from several people) so in my new potential boyfriend, that's what I'm doing. We plan on hanging out this weekend.
If you care about this guy and love him you will understand his trauma, and let him know you are there for him. If not let him go. That was advice given to me anyway. Hope that helps.

 

[MorningDove]

From that situation though, just like you, I've learned that moving slowly is best. (Hard for me, but advice taken from several people) so in my new potential boyfriend, that's what I'm doing. We plan on hanging out this weekend.
If you care about this guy and love him you will understand his trauma, and let him know you are there for him. If not let him go. That was advice given to me anyway. Hope that helps.

Thanks - I am moving as slow as I ever have, just by nature of where the rest of my life is right now. Compared to the past, I am practically standing still ;). I don't give with any conscious expectation of getting something back, just want to share the joys and gifts of life. He is kind, funny, smart, talented and sexy-it's hard not to wanna get closer.

 

[Sighs]

Lol - some days I actually wish I didn't find my vet as incredibly attractive as I do - to me he's like the Man from Snowy River, McGyver, Bear Grills and James Bond rolled into one! And he looks like that actor from Airwolf Its hard to be level headed around that!