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General Trauma Work & Skills You Learn - Sufferers, Please Respond

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why would a combat vet with PTSD have difficulty trusting others?

Ok. So, trust with a small t. My vet checks and double checks constantly. Did I shut the gate? Did I pack xyz? Yes. Yes. Am I sure? Yes. FFS yes! I've done it and checked it and then he went back and checked it again. Doesn't he trust me to do the smallest task? Nope. Because in his world if things are not done then people die. He's had the experience of asking a subordinate whether something was done, got the answer yes and then when "shits were trumps" as he says, it turns out its not done. And people died.

Ok. So, Trust with a capital T. A combat vet has seen what human beings are capable of doing to each other. Without being too graphic, my vet has spent weeks recovering bodies that had been tortured to death. Worse, he has dealt with the aftermath of his own side's mistakes. Trying desperately to save the life of a child who is dying in your arms because your own side screwed up? What about letting a detainee go because he lied to you and convinced you he was harmless only to find that in fact he is a combatant and once again people are dead.

And, finally, relationship trust. No different to the rest of us in that the closer someone is to you the more they can hurt you. But add on the layers above, add the anxiety / amygdala hijack of PTSD and you've got some serious trust issues.

Not sure if that helps, but yes many combat vets have major difficulties trusting others.
 
@Sighs - thank you for you feedback.

Yes, it does make a lot of sense why a sufferer would distance themselves if they felt they are getting too close. The chances of getting hurt get very high when you open yourself up and become so vulnerable before another person. So, you'd put a lot of effort just trying to distance yourself and get into your safe zone where you know you can build that safety wall and push everyone away. There is no chance of getting hurt in that territory.
 
if they felt they are getting too close

This might just be me, but I don't know if there's that much consciousness to it. I don't get to the point of thinking "I feel I'm getting too close so I will put up defenses."
It's more like the wall just comes down, ready or not. Something deep inside says "don't want to die here", and that's that.

Or, definitely for me, that the wall is just there, and even if I wanted to get over it I can't.

It does get better. For me, with a lot of work in therapy, lots of memories coming up for processing, then lots of realizations after processing and a moving on to clearer territory. Then comes another layer.

I work hard in therapy because I have made the choice not to lose the people I love in my life.
 
I totally relate @seedling. I am usually aware of what is happening these days when it happens but its more of an observation and definitely not a decision. The cognitive part of my brain doesn't seem to be involved. And when I try to use it to help the situation that doesn't seem to help either. It is like a solid concrete wall descending and even worse the more I beat myself up about it and the more obsessed I become with the harm I am causing the thicker and more solid that wall becomes. I hate it with a passion. Both hate what it does to others and hate what it feels like. It makes me feel powerless and guilty.

Well done for sharing ;)
 
@seedling - thank YOU! Please know that your feedback is greatly appreciated!

Yes, you are right that most likely there is not a conscious thought involved in your decision to step away or pull back, but having had the experiences and considering the PTSD, those are some things that can happen to the sufferer. I'm so glad that you have chosen to go through therapy! Of course, for yourself and for those that you love and care about. I can't even describe how much that encourages me and I wish that more people would open up to themselves about their struggles and take some steps towards healing.
 
There is no chance of getting hurt in that territory

I'm not scared of being hurt. DGAF about it, honestly. Letting people in means caring if they are hurt. It means being responsible if they are hurt.

Doesn't matter if it's my fault or not. Once someone is mine? They are my responsibility. Period. That's not a belief I have desire or willingness to change. My people. My responsibility.
 
@FridayJones - wow, I'm rather encouraged to know that you feel so accountable towards your loved ones. I've had very different experiences with my sufferer. Especially when it comes to communication and demonstration of care. Maybe on some level, he feels like distancing himself from me sort of guarantees that I won't be in the thick of his problems and thus will be safe. However, one thing that he doesn't realize how much isolation, distance and heartache those types of behaviors create. I've read that a lot sufferers do have difficulty communicating and I know from personal experience the toll that it takes on me. I'm not sure what makes you more caring and cognizant, but I wish my sufferer would demonstrate some measure of care. I don't know if lacking any desire to show care is a potential symptom PTSD and depression, but I'm rather bothered by the apathetic quality that his behavior indicates.
apathy, forgetfulness, ignoring, isolation, distant....
Sometimes I'm not sure what is caused by PTSD and what isn't, but I think figuring it out would make me know my sufferer better and would make me figure out if it's time to let go or keep patiently waiting.
 
Especially when it comes to communication and demonstration of care.

Those are a different things from care, though? Or, from feeling care.

It's possible to care on the surface 'very little' plain because how much we care hurts.
Did you talk about what 'being fine' means to each of you? Because what you read as apathy and indifference might be just him finding you fine & well enough so no reason for extra alarms raised.
 
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