So, I have been abused in a variety of different ways, sexually, physically, verbally, and psychologically, to varying levels, for my whole childhood. I was also raised in a very religious household, and religion was weaponized and used in psychological abuse. My first dating relationship was psychologically abusive, as was a boss I had. So anyways, the other day my boyfriend was saying something about how he didn't know if "God approved of the relationship" or like if "I was the best God had for him". Which anyone would take as offensive, I think. But for me, it sent me in a cascade of anxiety, like he's going to break up with me, this is religious bullshit/God doesn't tell people who to marry, and all of it just seemed like volatility like with my ex. In that conversation, I just told him that I couldn't tell him what "God" is saying to him, or whether it is right for him to marry me, but that he had to come to his own conclusions and figure that out himself. Later, I texted him and said that it sounded like he was saying he was settling for me, or that he thought there was a better partner out there than me. Then of course, after being like "Wow, that didn't come out how I meant it", he was like going on a monologue about how he doesn't know what God wants him to do in any area of his life, and I make sense in his life but he wishes God would give clear signs like a burning bush so he would know and all this stuff. Later when I saw him in person, we were able to talk it out and clear the misunderstanding. I explained that he didn't hurt me or anything but that I got like triggered by my own bullshit.
Anywaysssss, what is my question? It's like uh, this was a 'light' trigger reaction. But like maybe more called a stressor? Like I wonder about the ptsd mind, the majority of my trauma came from age 0-17. My relationship with my ex was at age 19. The job with that boss was age 19-20. I'm 21 now. Like my current boyfriend is not volatile or abusive like my ex or my dad, or anything like that. On the contrary, he's shown consistent interest, love, and respect for me, but that conversation made me be like he's gonna leave meee/religious bullshit/volatility, so I was able to sort that out, but idk, my question is did my ex really just trigger me, or did he traumatize me, what's the difference? Did he retraumatize me by triggering me? I don't even know if this post makes sense, but I'm just wondering like do I have new triggers from my ex, or the same triggers I've always had, and is it even a trigger, vs. a stressor.
Anywaysssss, what is my question? It's like uh, this was a 'light' trigger reaction. But like maybe more called a stressor? Like I wonder about the ptsd mind, the majority of my trauma came from age 0-17. My relationship with my ex was at age 19. The job with that boss was age 19-20. I'm 21 now. Like my current boyfriend is not volatile or abusive like my ex or my dad, or anything like that. On the contrary, he's shown consistent interest, love, and respect for me, but that conversation made me be like he's gonna leave meee/religious bullshit/volatility, so I was able to sort that out, but idk, my question is did my ex really just trigger me, or did he traumatize me, what's the difference? Did he retraumatize me by triggering me? I don't even know if this post makes sense, but I'm just wondering like do I have new triggers from my ex, or the same triggers I've always had, and is it even a trigger, vs. a stressor.